A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We went from normal to sex rarely only when I initiate it. I questioned everything but yesterday I opened his computer and found tons of porn saved. He claims he's been saving that for years. It's all categorized by year, name, subject matter: videos, movies, webcam shots, photos, personal photos... He says he RARELY looks at them. (I'm Ok with porn but I am not OK with porn addiction.) When I showed him what I found on his computer he was very angry with me and said he was not a porn addict. Also, I checked his personal account on Paltalk and since the last time I saw his account, he added a very sexy friendly pal. He insists that he's been talking to her for 5 years and she's always been there. That is a lie. He just added her name. And it's one of those girls you pay for watching them undress for you. When we've met and while we were dating he's been talking and watching one of those girls and only stopped when I caught him (not when I asked him).Dear men and women, please explain for me my situation. I am confused. I want to trust him when he says he is not a porn addict but should I?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): Hello dear female reader,
You don't need anti-depressant. I hope you are not doing anything else distractive. The thing is if he does not care to satisfy you physically, he does not care what you are taking. But you should care about yourself. Eat well, exercise and carry on with your life through ups and downs. What helps me is yoga. That's my natural anti-depressant. I swear by it and I am proud that I look great and feel great about myself regardless of what crap my husband puts us through. I also try to stay positive. At some point, I wanted to leave him and get a roommate but gave it a second thought. I am already living with a roommate who pays bills! I am staying positive and being a good partner and we'll see where this relationship takes us. I have not given up on him but I also know that there are plenty of healthy guys out there if I choose to end this relationship. I am going with the flow because I am not ready to leave him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): I have the exact same problem with my husband. I've found porn on all 3 computers in the household, and he has denied it every time, and it only caused a huge argument about me being a "snoop". No sex life anymore, and I've awoken to see him watching porn and masturbating early in the morning while I'm asleep next to him. This has been going on for about 3 months consistantly now, and I'm at the point that I give up. I no longer try to initiate sex, because I'm rejected every time. We've only been married 9 months. He has not even noticed the depression I've fallen into, and am now on anti-depressant medication, which he's not noticed either. Anytime it comes to any form of intimate contact, I feel like a stranger to him, and he seems to act completely oblivious. I hope you find the help you're looking for before you reach the point that I'm at.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your replies. He swore he was not addicted. I asked him to delete Paltalk and porn so he can prove it's not that important to him. We'll see...
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 December 2007):
 No, don't believe him. You have proof he is lying. Maybe he is not addicted, but he obviously has a lot of interest in porn.
However, it seems his addiction to porn didn't affect your relationship until recently. There has to be a reason for this, and I don't think the porn is it. It would seem that his addiction grew out of control and now he prefers a photo or a video over a real woman. But, I suspect this is an insufficient explanation. There's more. What it is, I really don't know. But I would suspect another woman. You tell us he used to talk and watch a girl while he was dating you.
If I were you, I would look for a different explanation.
Also, I suggest you talk to him about his lack of interest in sex, and listen carefully what explanation he gives. Perhaps you can update us on that to help you further.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (19 December 2007):
 Ok, I might be going out on a limb so anyone, plese tell me if Im wrong about this!
He has categorized them by year, name, date? Hmmm..that definately doesnt sound like casual porn use AT ALL to me! It sounds like he has quite a collection and if he is organizing it, it means more than just something to look at out of the blue, ya know?
And on to the Paltalk thing. This is what I think really crosses the line for me. Its no longer some anonymous woman who poses for porn or engages in videos. This is too close to real life for comfort! Web cams and chats...I believe its a bad bad thing!
I dont think I would trust him either if I were you.
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A
male
reader, jm81690  +, writes (19 December 2007):
 The guy definatley likes porn, alot, but I don't know if he's an addict.
Almost all guys look at porn, many of whom on a daily basis, but I've only met 2 guys who've ever been that porn crazed.
You rely on it though if you're an addict, and if you can get him to climax then he doesn't rely on porn, somepeople can't get off during sex unless porn is on while doing so, I think those people would be porn addicts.
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