A
male
age
36-40,
*effery
writes:Hi, I am a 21 year old male currently experiencing some confusion. Over the past year or two their have been rumours from other people about me being gay. At the moment I am pretty depressed and these rumours just make things worse.FOr a bit of background about my sexuality, all through adolescence I never struggled at all with my sexuality and always thought I was straight. I had a girlfriend for about 3 months in year 10 who was really hot and I liked a lot and also hooked up with a few other girls before that. I was then sent to boarding school where I had no intimate relationships or did not hook up with any girls for the following two years. I had a few crushes, on girls, but never really had the confidence (I think!) to follow these up, seeing as I was at a jocky school and I most certainly am not a jock.Anyway, after this I moved back home again for a bit and ended up losing my virginity to a girl and had sex with her 2 or 3 times after that, and then nothing after. About 6 months later, my boss at work asked me if I was gay. I freaked out, and didn't really give a clear answer, and just said "im pretty sure im not". Ever since then, I have become obsessed with this thought and have been trying to act all super straight. In order to prove my boss wrong I got into this relationship with a girl I did not really like for about 3 months. The sexual part of it was fine however (I dunno if that is or isn't important) and then have been in a sorta relationship with another girl since then, the whole time being subconciously freaking out that I might be gay, and always double checking everything "do I look gay in these clothes" "Did I just sound gay saying that" etc. etc.Anyway, Im sorry for this being so long and detailed but I really want to find out answers from people who may have been through a similar experience or can relate in any way. Things that would make me think I am gay would be: I am not a typical heterosexual guy, I like arts more than sport, I get along better with females than males, I usually have to force myself to hook up with a girl, I have a lot of gay friends, I freak out when there are rumours about me being gay, i try to act straighter than I am etc. It has just been plaguing my mind and I have lost all confidence in myself as a person. Deep down I feel I do prefer women, but their is obviously a 'gayness' about me and maybe I am repressing that side of me?Hope someone can help, thanks.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (22 December 2007):
 Maybe I won't be much help, as I have never questioned my being straight and can't really relate. I've heard that some people discover their true orientation after a long time, but I think that your sexual orientation is something you can pretty much determine.
In short: if you're gay, you know it.
Perhaps you're repressing it?
A
male
reader, BenQ  +, writes (22 December 2007):
 The only piece of advice I can offer you is be true to yourself.
Don't act the way you think or feel others expect you to act. I know a good sized handful of straight guys (myself included) that fall into a lot of the things you were saying. Liking arts, finding women easier to be friends with, its just who you are.
Nothing about any of your actions would make you any more or less "gay", so don't worry yourself.
Take life as it comes, and be yourself. Don't get hung up on the little things, and try and have fun.
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