A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Help! My ex is going out with another guy only a few months after she broke up with me! We were together a year and a half, and I can't believe she's already moved on!The break up hit me really hard initially, and now this has made things even worse. I don't know what to do. I still love her, and now somebody else is with her. I keep torturing myself as well. I keep thinking about what they're doing together and I know it isn't helping me at all.Why can't I just be happy for her and move on myself? I miss her and I want her.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (20 December 2007):
 I think you will always make those connections. But, one day you won't put as much meaning into them as you do now.
At first, I used to get rid of everything that would remind me of a person, in order to forget her more easily. It didn't really work. Then I understood that I wasn't really over her if I had to work hard not to think about her. I still have a few things that some women gave me. I do know they gave them to me, and I do remember the meaning we gave to a song, or to a landscape, et cetera. But, those memories don't hurt anymore. You will be in this state someday, if you just let it come.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would just like to thank you guys for your help. You obviously know this feelin in some ways, so it' very nice to hear what you think. I guess I've just had a couple of difficult days. I've had things remind me of her, like, I found a DVD she bought me of the first film we saw at the movies together when we first started dating. Since I found it I've only had to watch the weather, and look at the area she lives in on the map and it makes me feel a bit empty. Anyway, thanks for the advice. Is there any way of knowing when I will stop making connections like those?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): Pull your socks up mate, and get on with life. You should be happy her new realtionship was a few months after rather than straight away; that shows your time with her was important to her too.
You're never going to get back with her while you're fixated on her. Being morose and miserable about something you've got no control over isn't helping anything.
Nothing attracts like confidence. Get your emotions sorted out, and when you go out, just have fun- the girls will come running.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (17 December 2007):
I think everyone can understand your pain and what you're going through. I have found that precisely that understanding is what can help you.
It is difficult to accept that someone we love does not love us anymore. But, that's reality, and it makes no sense to be stubborn and want things to be the way they are not.
On the other hand, you need to love yourself. You won't have her, period; but you spend your days agonizing over what she does or doesn't do. You live in hell. You need to make a decision about yourself: you need to decide that you won't continue to live in pain, that you will enjoy life even if it doesn't turn out to be the way you want. You need to decide that you won't let this thing destroy you. When you consciously begin acting for your own sake, you will feel better, and will move on.
You might feel it's bad of you to think of yourself and forget about her. What choice do you have?
Take care.
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