A
male
age
41-50,
*andomguy
writes:Hi. Could do with some advice.My girlfriend of three years (great relationship etc) recently told me she 'needs space/a break'.Not 'breaking -up', just needs 'space'...Everything was good until she started studies on her university course which is very demanding for her.The course she is is studying takes up a lot of her time and she is very consumed by it, as well as balancing work, family,myself, and friends (social life- which she has)etcBecause of her studies we saw each other a lot less than we used to, once a month at best. We didn't phone everyday, text etc like we used to.I didn't expect her to.I knew she was busy but when I didn't hear from her for a few days it was frustrating for me and when I told her that she becamedefensive and sometimes angry.When we did talk it sometimed lead to silly arguments, when we met things were good.She said there is no one else, or wants to meet anyone else, or has time to - and that I believe (I'm not deluding myself)!.Seeing each other every few weeks.Not being in touch every few days... Has that not been 'space' enough already before actually asking for 'space'?Bit confused really.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (2 March 2008):
 It is not the end of the world.
When one door close , another will open for you .
You may grief but do not grief too long.
There are many things you can do and experience in life.
It's a new world out there.
A
male
reader, randomguy +, writes (2 March 2008):
randomguy is verified as being by the original poster of the question I did nothing wrong towards her.
Nor she did with me.
Thank-you. Bye.
I'm gutted.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (1 March 2008):
 Randomguy, I know you're broken hearted now, but you can see this as a new beginning. She was dumping you, but instead she asked for space. It's her fault that you went for her again; she gave you hope to cling to.
Just move on and remember that there's plenty of fish in the sea.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (1 March 2008):
Some women can be very ambitious and can be very focussed and nothing can distract them.
Take this as a very long sojourn into the black space.
If you are right for each other , your paths will cross again.
Sorry, but don't feel sad, it is a time to discover new things in the world.
Go back to your own world and discover it again from a different perspective.
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A
male
reader, randomguy +, writes (1 March 2008):
randomguy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAfter well over a month of 'SPACE' I called.
She didn't want to know or meet talk etc
Perhaps a bit of immaturity about how
she went about it.
I'm gutted and broken hearted. I miss her.
I guess her career became an obsession,
and our relationship was low on her list of priorities.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2008): So what happend, any updates?
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (31 January 2008):
I don't think you should be the first to write to her and tell her the relationship is over. Do not say that when it is you who love her more.Do not ever mention about breaking up.
She asked for space, give her and then wait and see.She may want to concentrate on her studies and put you on the back burner for the time being. Whatever happens, you should accept the outcome and be philosophical about it.
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A
male
reader, randomguy +, writes (19 January 2008):
randomguy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all advice.
Every relationship is different...
I've had no contact, yet not expected any either as she was the one to ask for a 'break'.
I did ask for 'specifics' at the time but still got 'loose terms'.
We need to talk properly, I know - (for good or for worse) but I can't be the first to do it as she 'wants space'
and I don't want to push her away for whatever I've done to make her want to 'need a break'.
It's up to her to contact me - if she wants?
Do I risk her 'space' to know whether to move on or not?
It's been a month. To her I guess not such a big deal because she's busy. I've gotten myself
busy too, yet I just need to know where we stand.
Stuck in limbo.
My brain hurts.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2007): it means i need my own space. basically she either wants some time on her own or she wants to spend some time with u but still be able to hav a night on her own etc when she needs to,
its nothing to worry about. i try to tell my boyfriend this all the time.
why do u all panick?
stop panicking and give her some space, she'll respect you more for it in the long term.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2007): She might be going through some soul-searching right now, and may need the space to figure her life out.
She might want to break up; telling someone you need "space" sometimes takes the place of a fake/psuedo-breakup where they "try it on", you know?
She might have met someone else or may have a crush right now.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (20 December 2007):
When someone asks for space, usually what the person really means is s/he wants to break up. For some reason, some people feel that it's better to break up in this confusing way. In my humble opinion, she wants to break up and she doesn't want to say it just like that.
If you want a hint that I'm right about her breaking up, consider that you see each other about once a month. Like happytochat said, if this girl loved you, she would manage to devote a fraction of her time to you; but she doesn't. How much more space do you need to give her?
Where is this leading to? When will the "time-out" end? What happens to you in the meantime?
I can but paste what good Happytochat said:
"I guess what you have to do here is talk to her. Say exactly waht you said here. Mention that you guys already have so much space so how much more space does she want? ask for speicific details, not lose terms and words such as 'i need a break', cuz i mean what is a break?? to some people it means u can see others! so you really have to know what is going on in her heads, find out her needs and wants and also let her know yours."
If she won't give you SPECIFICS, or if she doesn't do what she said she would do, LEAVE. Just write her a short message saying you understand that the relationship is over, and do not try to communicate to her again.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (20 December 2007):
Hmmm this is very confusing!! Like you said, you two barely see each other and have contact already, and how she wants space??? How much more space can you have??
All valid thoughts.
Heres a guess though...maybe she feels that she cant be the gf you need her to be, maybe she feels that you deserve more (for example, a gf who can be there for her bf more often) and also perhaps the stress is really geting to her and by being commited to someone (such as a bf) is really hard and she feels she needs to lessen all the stress she can...so maybe by taking this break away she is going to have a think about whether or not is best to be in this relationship?
It seems unfair that out of all the factors in her life that she has, the one she choses to cut down on, is you.
Personally, if I had a bf who i loved and was commited to, and had uni study and lots of friends, as well as work, i wuldnt be cutting down on my time with my bf to that degree, i would try to take away a tiny bit from each part of my life, so a little bit less hours atwork, less time wtih friends and so on...but thats just me. maybe she feels that since you are her bf, you should understand alot more.
I guess what you have to do here is talk to her. Say exactly waht you said here. Mention that you guys already have so much space so how much more space does she want? ask for speicific details, not lose terms and words such as 'i need a break', cuz i mean what is a break?? to some people it means u can see others! so you really have to know what is going on in her heads, find out her needs and wants and also let her know yours.
hope this has helped!
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