A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been getting closer to a man online for several months and we are about to meet in person . He knows I am overweight and somewhat worried about him being attracted to me but he had assured me that he feel attracted to me and he too struggles with his weight so he understands However there have been a few things that he had said that have kind if worried me just a little .. Nothing major .. But most recently we were discussing porn and the way it is so unrealistic ..... He made a comment that seems completely fine but for some reason it's worries me and I just need a little perspective .All he said was ' I don't have a problem with overweight women' for some reason this really bothered me .. I can't even work out why it bothered me .. Ok so any thoughts would be appreciated .. Help pleaseXx
View related questions:
overweight, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2014): Because it means he's a bit of an idiot. Weight and age: the two things a man should never bring up, ever.
He didn't say anything bad at all, but he just doesn't seem to know women if he doesn't know that you never talk about those things without being prompted to and even then we always have to lie.
It bothered you because you're a woman and insecure about your weight and to you that's him labelling you as an overweight woman. What he was really doing was in a very shitty way trying to reassure you that you're attractive to him.
Just let him know the rules. Never bring it up, lie if you bring it up and say you're not. Simple.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (24 April 2014):
 If you are so sensitive and worried about your weight why don't you work on losing the extra pounds? If you do it a little bit over time you'll be amazed how easy it is to take it off and keep it off. Now if your weight was not a big deal to you and not holding you back then that would be another story but I think it weighs on my mind a great deal (pun intended).
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2014): It means he's probably into BBW porn. Good for you! He loves big beautiful women so need for you to worry! I mean My boyfriend says I'm sexy and I'm slim but he pretty much only watches BBW porn. So I feel like I should put on weight for him to be attracted to me, yet he's a personal trainer and encourages me to keep on top of my health and fitness so he actively doesn't try to get me to look like the girls in the porn... No idea why he likes it ... However I'm sure if he watched slim girls with big boobs I'd feel worried that my boobs aren't big enough. All very confusing but I think that Cindy is right. Can't win! None of us can if we analyse everything our partner says or does!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2014): It bothered you because firstly, he acknowledged that you are overweight and secondly, somehow his comment suggests that it may be a problem, even though I bet that was the opposite of what he wanted.
One time I was seeing this guy and he said something like "your curves are amazing" and in my silly girl brain that translated as "you are fat" - acknowledging I was 'curvy' was acknowledging I wasn't thin... Even though he'd meant it as a compliment. I think it's the same with you, his comment has made you conscious that HE is AWARE that you are overweight.
Also, you don't acknowledge something that isn't an issue, for example, you wouldn't say "I don't have a problem with attractive women" or "I don't have a problem with sunshine" ... because of course you don't. Probably no-one does. There is no point in even saying it.
I think he was just trying to reassure you. I'm assuming he's seen pictures of you and wants to meet you, therefore he's more than likely attracted to you... Just relax and try not to worry too much, I think he's just trying to make you feel comfortable.
Best of luck, hope it goes well when you meet x
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 April 2014):
 This guy can't win. If he says he does not have a problem with overweight women, you freak out. But had he sad " I sort of have a problem with overweight women..", you would not have liked it any better :)
It bothered you because you know that you are overweight , and YOU associate, in your mind, being overweight with being ugly, undesirable, unsexy, so you read it as if I had said ,more or less , " I don't have a problem with you,... even if you are ugly etc . ".
You are sensitive about your weight, so you feel uneasy and under the microscope if somebody brings uo the subject of weight. Which, probably, was a bit clumsy of him, - then again, for all you know he was not even remotely alluding to your weight, it was a comment in general...
...............................
|
