A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A few months ago my neighbor (who used to be a friend) called my husband up and proclaimed her love for him and with no inhibitions said she wanted to sleep with him and divorce her husband. My husband told me right away and we have shut this neighbor out of our lives.I have another neighbor down the street who I will call Jill, and she knows this "bad" neighbor and has learned about her reputation from me and from other people as well. I thought that Jill would have distanced herself from the woman who made a pass on my husband. Instead, Jill's car was parked at her house the other day and they are getting closer as friends! I had warned Jill not to trust her!I am appalled because I feel like the friendly neighbor I had should be distancing herself. While I cannot tell her who to be friends with, too many people have warned Jill about this bad woman. Jill has also been rejected by the bad woman at get togethers and showed her frustration to others about not being welcome, YET, she still goes over to this other woman's house!! It is really disgusting. My question is, should I say something to Jill and express my disdain toward the situation, or completely stay neutral and back off of our friendship. I don't feel an ounce of loyalty coming from her since she knows what happened and many have warned her about this bad woman. The "bad" neighbor used to also back stab Jill all the time, and I find the whole situation really childish, but I feel like screaming at my friend for befriending the w***e of the neighbourhood. I seriously feel like telling her off and not to even talk to me anymore. The thing is I think the bad neighbor is trying to irritate me by befriending others in front of my eyes and I don't want to give her that satisfaction.
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female
reader, cattycakes  +, writes (17 April 2014):
One thing Honeypie said.... was there something in it? What happened to make this woman tell your husband she loved him offer to get a divorce (?!) and for him to tell you to keep away from her? Has she been getting comfort by speaking to Jill about something related to this? I sense there is more to this than you might realise. Either she is crazy, or there is more to the story.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 April 2014):
 Dude... Let Jill make her own mistakes when it comes to friendships.
If you can't accept that she is being friends/friendly with your cow of a neighbor then don't be friends with Jill.
I agree with Tisha, Jill likes drama and gossip. My guess is Jill's life is kind of bland.
Stay neutral and STOP gossiping because you never know how things can be construed and perceived.
Sounds like you live in quite the gunpowder barrel of a neighborhood... It almost reminds me of living on a military installation with all that juicy drama.
RISE above it, honey.
Your neighbor isn't your "worst enemy" she is a selfish, self indulgent, lonely, horny woman who decided she wanted YOUR husband.. No more, no less.
Now what I don't get it is... How did this come about? WHY did she even THINK your husband would want to cheat on you with her? Be with her? I seriously doubt this woman just OUT OF THE BLUE decided:" Oh it's Wednesday, I think I will ditch my husband for the man next door"...
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 April 2014):
 I had no idea that neighbours too were supposed being " loyal " beyond being loyal in keeping theit nose level within acceptable limits, or the sidewalk free of their dog excrements, or stuff like that...
Stay out of it and back off, you aren't close friends ( or, it does not seem so from your post ) and Jill has the right to associate with whomever she wants , no matter how many times she was warned, and also to make her own choices, good or bad that they may be, without necessarily having to take into account your opinion on them.
If you dislike her behaviour and frequentations, - as of course you are legitimated to do - then just keep your distance , ignore her and stay out of neighbourly dramas.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2014): Tisha-1 gives really good advice and she is right on this point too.
I do not think that you are being too controlling at all - everyone has a right to object to being treated badly by a friend whether their behaviour is direct or indirect. If you accept this behaviour on the grounds that you are "too controlling" then you will just make yourself available to crappy and insecure friendships with very low moral standards.
Whatever this woman's reason for be-friending a woman who 'phones up your husband saying she wants to sleep with him, you can think this through up to a point but do not fall into the trap of getting obsessed by thinking about it and about her. She simply sounds quite emotionally immature and wants the 'drama'. Conversely, if she is on some sort of 'rescue' mission in which she feels a need to help this 'bad' neighbour to overcome her unacceptable social attitude then that's her call, not yours. She's a double-crosser and you are right to think that she has pulled your friendship into child-like territory. Just pull yourself straight back out of it and find yourself some new friends.
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2014): Please don't take this the wrong way, but you need to grow up.
Sure, what she did was stupid, but Jill knows and has to have her own feelings about this woman. You used to be friends with her, so she can't be that bad in general until she says something like that.
Just be friends with Jill and accept that not everybody will have the same opinions of people that you do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2014): Be thankful you now know them both for what they are.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (16 April 2014):
 I love these little dramas that people choose to have in their lives......
good luck...
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (16 April 2014):
 I think sometimes it is better to stay out of other people's friendships as we never really know quite what goes on behind closed doors. This "bad" neighbor was wrong in what she did to you but that has now left you a little bias towards her and that is perfectly fine BUT you really don't know why the "bad" neighbor is or was the way she is/was and she may have learned something from her actions, we just don't know. "Jill" might have gotten to know the "bad" neighbor a little better and there may have been words and conversation between them that has changed the way that both of them feel about one another and if they want to form a friendhip then it is between them and no one elses business. If you want to speak up about how you feel then you will most likely just drive a wedge between you and "jill" as it will look like you are stirring the pot - and let us face it, no one likes to be told who they can and can't be friends with and I am sure that "Jill" already knows how you feel about the other neighbor and has therefore come to the decision of making friends with her knowing that and so there really isn't a lot to say to her about it. If you are uncomfortable with their friendship then that is perfectly fine and if you want to disatance yourself then that is fine, too, but you really don't have to add hurt and words into the mix and sever those ties completely. If anything, I would just concentrate on you and yours and let them have their thing.Unless you are in a relationship or have some kind of sisterhood or strong bong with Jill then you would just be as bad as them by pointing fingers and dictating friendships. Be the bigger person and leave it well alone.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (16 April 2014):
You are being way too controlling. You've said what you have to say but Jill is a grown woman and can hang our with whoever she wants. Its time for you to be mature enough to let her without throwing a tantrum.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 April 2014):
 I would simply distance myself from Jill as well. Perhaps Jill likes drama and figures there'll be some good dirt coming from the attempted husband thief (ATF)?
Rise above it, you don't need to contribute your own negative feelings to the already toxic mix going on there.
Stay neutral, pretend you don't care at all and just go on about your life. And that includes not gossiping with the other neighborhood women about Jill. The ATF will eventually get bored of any games if you refuse to play them. The best way to deal with a troll is to completely blank them.
Good luck!
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