A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm worried about this. My boyfriend and I have had some problems lately. We sorted things out recently, but this is worrying me. I looked on his facebook page today ( he asked me to log in to it, as he wanted to check it on my phone ). I saw some messages that he sent to a woman a few days ago ( he and I hadn't sorted things out at that point ). He wrote " You're single eh ? . Just seen your profile ", and then he sent a picture of a face winking, and a picture of a face with a tongue sticking out of it's mouth. She hasn't responded to him at all.He told me that he was joking. He said he thought she was pretending to be single. Should I be worried about this ?. I know he hasn't said anything else, such as he wants to go out with her or something, but I still cant stop thinking about it. He also changed his relationship status on his page to "separated" instead of " in a relationship ". He had also sent me a lot of messages the same day too, saying that he missed me, wanted to work things out with me, said he couldn't unlove me, and sent a couple of pictures of sad faces.
View related questions:
facebook Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2014): Hi old bag. I have been with him for 28 months now. The reason we aren't living together is because, to be honest, I am nervous about moving in with him. He only recently started taking medication for his condition. I am feeling really stressed at the moment, as he has to leave his home in two weeks ( we live in the same town ). He doesn't seem to be trying very hard to find a place here, so I am worried that he will leave me when it is time for him to leave his house.
We have had a lot of ups and downs over the last couple of years. He says he is trying to sort himself out now though. I'm worried though, that if he ends up homeless in a couple of weeks, or if he finds a place and moves away from me, he might end up in a bad way again, or he might meet someone else. All of this unpredictable behaviour is stressing me out. I'm not even sure if I can trust him now because of this woman on facebook.
Also, I went out with a man recently. I told the man that I didn't want to date him. Before that happened, my boyfriend had told me to leave him alone, and said he hated me, so I took it as he didn't want to be with me anymore. I told my boyfriend about me meeting up with that man. I explained that, at that time, I didn't feel like I wanted to date anyone, and I just wanted to have friends and be around people who weren't going to stress me out. I don't really know what I was thinking by meeting up with that man. I wish I hadn't now. The weird thing is, my boyfriend didn't know that I had met up with someone else when he wrote to that woman. I told him about that the day after he wrote to her, as we met up to sort things out then. We hadn't seen each other for just over a week then.
So, we have both done something that we shouldn't have done, and now I'm not sure if we can work things out. I'm not sure if he will trust me again either.
I was supposed to be meeting him today to go to an appointment with him. It was an appointment for him to fill in some housing forms. I haven't heard from him today. All I can do now is wait for him to contact me.
I'm not sure if he really wanted to get with the other woman. He said he did it to get back at me too, as he knew that I would see that message at some point. And he said he knew that there was something wrong when he wrote to her because I hadn't met up with him.
I am not an unfaithful person, and he said that he isn't. It was just that I didn't think that we were ever going to sort things out again at the time.I'm confused because, if we both love each other, how could we both behave that way?. I do love him so much, but I wish there hadn't been so many problems.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (22 April 2014):
 Why are you two not living together - or is this a newish relationship?
You appear to have been having problems since early December, maybe longer, and as I said before he's very immature, am shocked he's 50 to be honest.
I don't think this other woman is a threat but nor do I see your relationship progressing with this man, mainly because he makes you feel insecure and it's not what 'you' need.
You should both stay off Facebook too.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2014): The thing is, he might have forgotten about writing that when he asked me to log in to his account. I'm not sure if I can trust him now.He is 50 years old!. You wouldn't think that someone his age would behave like that, would you?.I feel that he has embarrassed me by putting "separated" and by writing to this woman. He wrote comments on his page about me that day too (so the public could see them). He said that he would wait for me. He said even if I got with someone else, he would still take me back after that.He has to leave his home soon, and I was worried that he might go to the city where this woman lives. He used to live there a long time ago. He said he might go visiting there again ( he said he has changed his mind now because we have sorted things out ). He was going to visit his brother, as he lives there too. Maybe, at first, he was thinking of moving away and finding someone else. He said he wants to find somewhere else to live here.I actually posted about this woman a long time ago. Here is the link to my other post http://www.dearcupid.org/question/girl-on-facebook-keeps-flirting-with-my-boyfriend.html .
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 April 2014):
 I'd be worried that at his age ( if he is in your age range ) he thinks that sending tacky messages to a stranger is a brilliant way to score !
It sounds to me as if he was sort of hedging his bets.
You two were fighting or broken up or something, you had things to sort out... obviously he wanted and hoped to get you back, but, just in case that had proven to be impossible, well, might as well to put out feelers and see what the market has got to offer...
I think the idea was more or less this, and it sounds more disloyal and threatening than it probably was .Some things just are born out of frustration, insecurity , anger and " now I'm gonna show you, nyah nyah nyah ".
Then you two made peace and all was forgotten. As the other poster says , if he really had meant business and had been up to no good, he would have been much more secretive about it.
Now that you are in good terms again, though, talk to him and lay down the law. Couples may have disagreements , so , even if you should have other ones in future, yet no flirting, no FB shaming ( " separated " ? what does it mean, you aren't even married ), no single guy stupid "jokes ". Say it, mean it and make sure he understands you mean it.
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (21 April 2014):
Sounds like he had a drunken FB day to me.
If he had anything to hide he would hardly have let you access his messages and page.
How old is he as he sounds pretty immature?
...............................
|
