A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:In december last year a guy popped up to me. we had both known of each other for a very long time, he had even been following me on all my social media platforms since 2014, but only december he decided to make his move. he was really intense bombarding me with messages non-stop and at first i wasn’t even that into him… just liked the attention i guess. he wanted to meet me that day, but that was too soon for me, so we arranged for tuesday, something came up and he couldn’t do tuesday so we finally met on wednesday. he picked me up in his car and everything was just electric. it wasn’t awkward the conversation was flowing, we talked about everything you name it, and then things got really hot and kinky. anyway he dropped me home and after this things were still great texting, calling everyday he couldn’t stop saying how this was going to happen plenty more times and that i surprised him. the following week is where things started going downhill, he wasn’t messaging me as often , which i could understand because he was working, but he was messaging me 24/7 before when he was still working? anyway he arranged to meet me friday. so friday came and he said he was gonna go home have a shower etc and then come pick me up.. i waited .. he never showed turns out he fell asleep and i know this was true because he works hard and is always knackered and i was sure he hadn’t gone somewhere else, anyway this same thing happened 4 more times, he stood me up, would leave me waiting all dressed up for his call. Each time his excuse was that he fell asleep. At least the first few times he would apologise or explain but by the third he would use ignore my messages and act like it hadn’t happened. in between all this he would still send me messages like “I’m thinking of you and only you recently “and other random lovely things all conveniently when i was losing hope. but i began to wonder whether or not he had lost interest in me. i went away during christmas and when i was away he kept talking about how much he wanted me home and all these other nice things. yet when i got home nothing… since I’ve got back he’s arranged to meet me and the same thing happened he stood me up and then just this monday he stood me up again. now, this is the part that i really need your help with because i do not understand. yesterday he called me and said he wanted to see me, but i was busy and i really couldn’t cancel my plans and frankly it takes the piss how many times I’ve cancelled my plans for him not to show up. Anyway he gets really annoyed and begs me to meet him. i told him i was busy this week and that we could do next week thinking if he hasn’t seen me in over a month, one week won’t make a difference, and this morning i message him and he tells me its “not happening” and i “lost my chance” and “give up” repeatedly . I can tell that he is being deadly serious like he is genuinely done with me and when i ask why and what his reason is he said its because i didn’t meet him last night?!? how can he say this after he knows how many chances I’ve given him!Also i have to add that one thing i think he has a problem with even though he denies it is our age difference. we have 8 years between us and, all through out last week he kept on saying i was “shy” ,when I’m very far from shy and no one would say I’m shy and he would say i think its because of your age blah blah blah… this was just a lie and i think he was just feeling uncomfortable about my age even though he says it dosen't bother him.. I don't know i am just so confused right now... is it really over?, help me please!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2017): This is a lesson learnt the hard way. There are many men out there who play this kind of game. He chose to do it with you because you are young and naïve and he could see that you will fall for all his lines and believe what he says.I'm so sorry but he has been laughing up his sleeve the whole time. The constant messaging is called 'love bombing' and men who use this ploy (and some women) know that it is very effective thing to do to someone. It gets you hooked on the attention. Life suddenly seems very dull without it. He knows this. It is like getting you addicted to a drug. Once he has you hooked, he can see how often and how much he can mess you around and watch you desperate for him and his attention. This is an ego boost for him and he sounds absolutely vile. You have to learn sweetie that there are quite a lot of men out there who will treat women (and especially inexperienced women) like shit for their own amusement and ego boost. I know that at 16 you probably think you're grown up and know everything, but your post shows how little experience of men you have and if you are having sex with men this quickly, then you are setting yourself up for a rocky road of a life. Do not immediately believe anything a guy tells you, until you have learned to trust him and have known him long enough to know what he's really like. There are a lot of men who are VERY intent on getting sex and will SAY anything to get it. Learn to judge a man by what he DOES and NOT what he SAYS. This man's actions scream at everyone who has read your post that he is very bad news, that he couldn't care less about you and that all he had to do to get you into bed was to message you a lot for a short time.Expect more of yourself and for yourself. Respect yourself, because if you don't, men sure as hell won't. Don't have sex so quickly in future. Become wiser about how some men can be, maybe read up on 'love bombing'. This will take you to other subjects like it and you will realise that this man is all about playing games. If you learn about it, you will learn this lesson a lot younger than I did and most of us do. Let him go......he is a horrible man who is only interested in playing cat and mouse with you. You're the mouse.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 January 2017):
 honey honestly he was playing you for a fool the whole time. Sounds like he was bored and he enjoyed the attention from a young girl. First red flag because he should not be attracted to someone so young at his age. It is creepy.
Anyway he kept cancelling but sending you sweet messages to mess with your head. Guys don't do that. He just pushed to see how far he could go. You should never have allowed him to contact you after the second time off standing you up. Sweetie guys don't just fall asleep if they are meeting someone he was just having fun messing with your head.
On a serious note you need to be more careful in future. You cannot just get in to random older peoples cars, that is dangerous. Also things should not turn sexual between a teen and a adult.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2017): I have a 16 yr old daughter, and I would be beside myself if I thought some mid twenties man had followed her in any way including on social media since the age of fourteen, and then approached her in this grooming manner as this vile man has done to you. You might not see this as you are 16, but to older people this is pretty disgusting. He's used you, he has sought you out to have sex with you as quickly as he could- it doesn't mean anything to him, he is vile!!Please please don't entertain him anymore. He will love that you chase him, he is manipulative and is all about controlling you and using you and taking advantage of your age and nativity around this. He's disgusting- please have nothing more to do with him. If he cantacts you simply ignore him- it won't matter how hard to get you are being, the minute you are got again he will lose interest again.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 January 2017):
 So now you know, only HE is allowed to cancel or stand you up...
That was me being a little sarcastic.
The thing is NO matter how hard a person work, if they KNOW someone is getting ready to see them, dressing up, doing hair, makeup, having canceled OTHER plans to see you - you CALL or text them and let them know you are OH so "knackered".
TO me when this guy did this to you MULTIPLE times it showed just how little respect he has for you. He expected you to be at HIS beck and call. So he should get a dog, not a GF.
I fully agree with Auntie Cindy.
HE simply USED you.
Sorry, a guy in his mid/late 20's shouldn't be going after a 16-year-old. You two don't have that much in common. An 8 year age gap is WAY to big at 16-18. Think of it this way, would you date an 8-10-year-old? My guess is no... So don't go the other way either.
BE GLAD it's over. NO more having some selfish dude string you along.
BOOCK HIM on your phone, social media - EVERYWHERE in your life. DON'T let him worm his way back in when he is bored.
And I agree - things shouldn't be "kinky" on the FIRST date and certainly NOT at 16. While you have chatted with him online and text, doesn't MEAN you knew him. HE is still a stranger.
LET him go. Dating someone who doesn't respect you is soul crushing and NOT what you need at ANY age.
And I also agree with Andie - DON'T get in the CAR with someone you have chatted with online! Are you nuts? You may think you know him OH SO well because he has followed you on social media - so what? ANY predator could have done the same. Spend time befriending you, grooming you, stroking your ego and then bam... you are gone.
You NEED to start using common sense, young lady. And the first order of business needs to be to BLOCK this dude on EVERYTHING. He is NO good for you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 January 2017):
 And, you are surprised because.... ?
Sorry, I don't mean to sound condescending, and I realize that at 16 you can't have that much experience, both dating experience and general experience- but basic logic is basic logic at any age, and if you resort to it, you'll see that what happened was totally expectable. In just one month he stood you up, no apologies no good reasons no explanations other than " I fell asleep "( yeah, right ) what, 6 times, I have lost count while reading, but it's at least 6 times in just about 30 days.
Ergo : 1) , he was not that into you to begin with ( look at what they do, not at what they say ) - 2 ) he absolutely , candidly, openly did not give a fuck about you, or hurting your feelings, ot showing you respect, or being kind to you.
He sure did not do anything to make you think that you were special to him. You were , in fact, quite disposable, and probably disposed of, in favour of other passtimes and activities.
Therefore, as long as you are handy, convenient, ready willing and available when HE wants- ok you can stay. The moment you don't fit into his plans, and ask to be treated as a person , not as a commodity- he kicks you out.
Disappointing, but...logical.
This may be a hard pill to swallow for you, OP- it's ok, you need to get it wrong a few times before you can learn to get it right. BUT: that's the obvious and frequent downside of keeping hanging on to people who, very obviously, do not care aboit you as a person, and only see you as a provider of sexual thrills (..and only , as long as you provide them according to HIS schedule ! ). These are very flimsy, shaky, erratic " relationships ", and may end up any minute for the stupidest of reasons , like, you got a pimple on your chin - or for no reason at all.
Another thing you may want to learn from this experience is, do not bite more than you can chew, -i-e-e do not go sniffing around guys who are 8 years older than you. Of course this will change in time, when you'll be 26/27 and you want to date a 35 y.o. guy, ut will be fine, because you'll be at a similar stage in life, and on the same waveength. But 16 / 17 and 24/ 25 ?... There may be few happy exceptions .. there are always exceptions to verything ) but normally if a guy his age is interested in someone your age , it's just aa a sexual curio, and a aweet, compliant little plaything , to play with and discard as soon as the novelty wears off.
Is it really over ? Hopefullly yes ! You deserve so much better than this. I do not exclude at all that this type of guy may resurface , all nice and flirty as nothing had happened, in a few weeks or months, - if he is bored , horny and has not found a suitable new plaything to toy with- but I really hope that, by them you will have got wiser and grown in self esteem, so that you will show him promptly your middle finger.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (19 January 2017):
 You're not going to like what I have to say:
First off, things shouldn't get "kinky" at your age.
Also, he's about 6 years too old for you and no genuine guy his age would be interested in someone your age.
Let him go and stick to guys your own age.
By the way, it was dangerous to get into his car alone. Please stick to meeting in public, in future; you need to be responsible and safe about dating.
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