A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all. Something is bugging me. Sometimes (not always, by any means) my bf takes his phone with him when he leaves the room and also leaves it face down, when we are sitting together, watching tv or whatever. I don’t want to mention it to him cos he hates it when I act insecure and I don’t want to come across as a bunny boiler! He has always told me that he would never cheat on me and there is no evidence that he is. However, I am worrying that him taking his phone out of the room with him and leaving it face down could be indications that there is something he does not want me to see?It could be that he is doing it because sometimes when he texts or gets a text I’ll ask him who he is texting (out of insecurity) and it annoys him cos he thinks I don’t trust him (I don’t!)For the record, I always worry about my bfs being unfaithful and as far as I know they never have. My behaviour does push them away though.So – his behaviour – indicative of a cheat or just innocent? I asked him on Saturday why he left the room with his phone and he said to check if he had any texts.Thanks for reading.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 January 2017):
 No, it does not mean he is cheating- at least you cannot say that, based on such feeble evidence, unsupported by any other curious or suspicious behaviours .
It means, as he has already told you, that he does not like you keeping him under special surveillance , invading his personal space and overstepping his privacy boundaries.
He knows that as soon as he left his phone out of sight you'd be on it like a duck on a junebug, and he wants a) avoid getting annoyed and b) not indulge your trust issues and controlling impulses.I know that some people will say " well, if he hasn't got anything to hide why should he be bothered "- and I feel powerless to convince them of what for me ( and for many other people ) is self evident : private is private , personal is personal.
I am not in the habit of carrying in my purse military secrets or nude pics or controlled substances or anything suspicious. Just regular stuff : keys, ID, lipstick, kleenex ..
Yet, if a friend or partner or anybody started rummaging into my purse without asking pernission first, I'd go berserk. Tt's just ...not done. If you want to see what's in somebody's purse, drawers, or , case in point, phone- you ask him first.
A
female
reader, Scorpioeclyps  +, writes (30 January 2017):
This is very interesting and I understand how you feel.
My boyfriend always sends me out the room to do something for him when he gets a text message. Or sends me out to a shop or something.
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A
female
reader, jdd  +, writes (22 March 2011):
In my personal experience FIRST FOLLOW YOUR GUT those cues come from somewhere. Second, I have witnessed this behavior myself and it was cheating. I find it quite odd to be so "protective" of one's phone. Was he always like this from the time you met him? If so maybe he is just a phone addict and for some reason always sets it face down like ocdish. But I'm inclined to think the former.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): To Honeypie, I'm the OP - he does not leave the room to speak on the phone, if one of his mates calls when i am there he weill speak to them. What I meant was that soemtimes when he leaves the room, he takes his phone with him. He likes to keep his phone on him and it is making me feel untrustworthy. I'm just wondering if he has soemthing to hide. I did check his phone once which he knowws about and he says that he sometimes takes his phone with him because i checked it before and he doesnt like it.
I'm so scared he's met soemone else and he knows this and tells me that he hasnt and that he loves me.
I kissed soemone else ages ago so is is that i feel guilty, and now i think that he is cheating? Or is the fact that he takes his phone with him around the house a concern?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): hi im the OP. So two of you think its cool and one thinks he's up to something? I dont know who to believe!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 March 2011):
 I wouldn't suspect cheating based on that either. I ACTUALLY prefer that my husband leaves the room when on the phone, it is HIS conversation and I don't need/want to "overhear" it.
Whether he puts it face up or down, does it really matter? I guess you can't pry if it's face down...
Are you really itching to "catch" him cheating? Or know every little thing he does say throughout the day?
I think you need to look inward a little, WHY do you not trust your BF? If you can't trust a SO, what do you have to build a relationship?
Let him have a little privacy and learn to trust him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): Just as an example I always leave my phone face down and on silent whether in or out of a relationship. That's just how I operate with my phone, might come across as suspicious but honestly its nothing.
Unless ur bf is showing other signs I wouldn't worry about it all that much. Insecurity that is based on deep rooted self issues and not on events in the relationship will eventually destroy it. Work on your self-esteem and trust your partner (within reason) until they give you a reason to be suspicious.
Best of luck honey!
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl +, writes (22 March 2011):
 His behaviour is odd - if he had nothing to hide he would be open about what is on his mobile.
I can understand if he had very important business calls or was consulting regarding a patient, for him to leave the room - but ordinarily - NO he should not be hiding anything.
His behaviour is making you insecure and less trusting towards him.
Sorry, but I see lots of red flags here!
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (22 March 2011):
 I wouldn't suspect cheating based on that. I leave my phone face down a lot of the time too, even when I'm alone. I also almost always keep it with me in case I get a call or text. That way I don't have to chase it down.
A relationship cannot survive without trust. You say you keep pushing men away because of your lack of trust and insecurity. What are you doing to change yourself? It's not something that will magically go away without effort on your end. If you don't solve YOUR problems, you'll never have a successful relationship.
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