A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met this woman on OKCupid and we started writing to each other. I noticed that she logged in only once a week but she did respond whenever she logged in. The messages were also good. If I wrote 2 paragraphs her reply was also 2 paragraphs, if I wrote 3 she responded with 3. I then asked her out for coffee and she agreed. We fixed a date and time and I gave her my number and she gave me hers.The date was just before Christmas and it went well. We had some things in common and enjoyed talking to each other. She kept complimenting me a lot. When I asked her if she liked her coffee she said ‘yes, do you want to try?’ and gave her cup to me. I wondered for a second if it was ok to drink from her cup but since she offered I went for it. She mentioned that she will be travelling to Canada and within the US for the holidays. Towards the end of the date I said that I had a great time and would like to take her out for a second date once she returns back and she said ‘sure’. Then we hugged and parted ways.The next day I sent her a text and did not get a response. I waited for 2 days and then called her and left a voicemail and later she sent me a long text saying that she was really busy with work, guests at home, and preparing for her upcoming trip. Unfortunately that was the last time I heard from her. I sent a text couple of days later casually asking how her trip was coming along and did not get a response. Then I called her a week later (when she said she will be back from her trip) and left a voicemail and haven’t gotten a response yet. This was almost 10 days ago.I am now getting worried. She has not logged in OKCupid even once since she left for her trip... and she did not respond to my text and voicemail either. What should I do now? call her one last time? She did not look like some one that will just do the fade and disappear, so I am confused as to what might have happened.Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2017): My impression is that she is a woman filled with life and activities. She is interested in meeting new people, hence OKCupid. But notice she only logs in once a week. This tells me she has other things to do that she deems more important than OKCupid. This tells me she has an active life.
It's the Holidays and she is out of the country, spending time with her friends and family. That is her main focus! Besides, you are a new aquaintance and she barely knows you. She will respond when she returns from het holidays and has rested and has time.
Unfortunately, you will have to accept being last priority, because you are not yet at a place in her heart where you hold value.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2017): I don't know her reasons for no response, but let me speculate. She told you she would be traveling over the Holidays. That was that. She IS really busy, and her time and attention is presently on her trip and activities while on that trip. She put her phone away, as I do when on vacation and/ or visiting; because it is polite and I will get back to everyone at my convenience. Lest it be an emergency. It doesn't mean I'm not reading my messages, and maybe I'm not!
At this point, both your options are open; and there is no commitment between you. Perhaps she is exploring her options, and so should you. It's a woman's prerogative to change her mind; and within a man's power to accept them, or dismiss her, and her mind-changing altogether.
I think you should chill. Not get over-anxious, and it is always best for everyone to move at the same pace. If she is slowing down; so must you. Taking your time is always best for all involved. Never let your feelings or over-thinking get the better of you.
Respect her privacy. You do not have an established relationship at this point, and she has no true obligation to respond to nervous texting; which is only showing her how insecure you are.
Even if she doesn't respond to you ever again; you haven't known her long enough for it to cause you too much distress. Disappointment, maybe. You'll get over it, and there are plenty of fish in the sea.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (7 January 2017):
 If someone wants to speak to you they will do. Nobody in the world is busy to an extent they can't reply to a text.
She's not interested.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 January 2017):
 I'd leave her be. Chances are that she has actually ghosted you, even if she did not seem the type to do that - then again, you know her so little , as of now you really can't say what she us the " type " for.
Otherwise, she really is so involved- and self involved- in her committments and travel plans, to refuse carving out of her busy days one 5 minute occasion to reply one or your
( too ) numerous messages , just to keep the ball rolling. Which would mean, she is not very polite and, most of all, she really does not care whether the ball keeps rolling or not. In short, she is not interested.
If I am wrong and she was just oh so very busy... she 'll get in touch with you when she comes back, without further prodding. But, I would not hold my breath if I were you.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (7 January 2017):
 There are people who aren't kind enough/brave enough to come right out and say that they aren't interested so they pull the disappearing act. This is what she has done. She just didn't feel what you felt and no longer wishes to be in contact. Accept that she no longer wants to be in contact and move on. She isn't worth wasting your time over.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (7 January 2017):
Although she didn't look the type, I'm afraid that's what she's done. She's vanished into the ether. She's ghosting you because she is not interested.
The date may seem to have gone well from you perspective but she might not have had seen it quite the same way. Some people are very friendly and have great social skills so they can be chatty and relaxed in any situation - even on a date with someone who isn't their match.
Stop considering this girl as a potential girlfriend. Stop trying to contact her and move on to the next. She isn't interested
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