A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:When someone turns you down romantically or makes no time for your friendship, then years later they see you again. Suddenly, like nothing has happened they are all over you, and suddenly attracted you. Do you give them a chance or leave them? Surely if they have such a short tern memory, they are only thinking about their own feelings. Should I still be hurt by the rejection from years ago or flattered by the fact that either I or their tastes have changed. People can change a lot in a few years. Do you call them out on it?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 January 2017):
 No, I would not " call them out ". It would sound pretty entitled to me. A bit naive, and a bit arrogant too, though.
People do not OWE you to like you back, or to return your feelings. In general they do not turn you down because they are mean spirited pieces of s..t, who just enjoy seeing you squirming in pain and humiliation. More simply, at that time you asked, they were looking for some quality or trait that you did not have, or that they could not see in you, - so, whomever's " fault " it was , the long and the short of it was that they were not attracted enough to you physically , emotionally or intellectually,- so , no deal.
THEN, as you mention yourself, things may have changed, in the sense that either you have changed, or their tastes and requirements have changed , and NOW they see a possibility that you two, as you both are now, may match and get along- possibility that there was not then.
That's normal. That's just ...how life works, I guess, and you should not try and punish /shame someone who likes you now for not liking you then. Because she did not owe you any interest or feelings to begin with.
As for what it is better , if giving her a chance romantically or not, that's totally up to you and I feel there's not enough background to advise. Regardless of what I just wrote, if you want to be prudent I would not blame you, because yes, alas, there's always the possibility that this woman may be more receptive to you ... for the wrong reasons. Like,- because nobody else will take her :)- because she is down / feels lonely and is one of those women who thinks that ANY boyfriend is better than NO boyfriend ; because among the changes you have been going through along the years, there's also that of having become filthy rich ,while you were dirt poor when you first met :)... In short , she COULD have less than noble motivations for seeing you through new eyes.
Then again, who knows. You might just have changed ( stopped, for instance, styling your hair in a mullet :)? and have become closer to her ideal, OR she has changed and has let go of an ideal that was only right for who she was then, but not for who she has become now. It would not be that strange.
Anyway , whether you decide either to pass this opportunity up, or to catch it at once ( or, something in between, like, be careful, take it slow and see what happens )... no, I do not think that anybody should cling to the hurts caused by rejections from years ago ! What for ? What purpose does it serve ? How does it make things better for you ? It's just old baggage that hinders you pointlessly, so .. try and ditch it regardless.
P.S. I do not understand what you mean by " they are only thinking about their own feelings ". Well, yes , I guess... but whose feelings should they think instead ?...
Again, generally people are not deliriously happy when they have to reject somebody... but if they had to always protect the other person's feelings and make sure they do not get hurt... well, we could never reject anybody at all, and would have to accept the most undesirable partners just to be nice to them !.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2017): It's a tough question because it depends on you and your own feelings. I have heard many stories of people where one partner rejected the other at first, and then days, weeks or years later that rejecting party changed their minds. Then BOOM they were together. I am ALWAYS amazed at these stories, because for me, if someone rejected me a first time I would always feel that in their eyes I had something lacking, and would always question why they didn't like me at first- what was their hesitation? Was I not attractive enough? Did they not like something about my personality, my voice? I know that for myself it would play on my mind too much. But obviously for some people this is not so, they can get past it. Many people seem completely happy after this initial rejection thing. I just read in a magazine the other day about a man who dumped a woman after a few dates with her, telling her he just wanted to be friends. Then they met again years later and he ended up falling in love and marrying her! So, yes, I guess peoples' tastes change, or they mature, or whatever. There is no right or wrong answer, give her a chance if you want, or don't if you feel that it will play on your self-confidence too much.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 January 2017):
 I'd NOT get into anything romantic with this person. Seems to me like they have popped up because they aren't finding what they were looking for so they go through the "little black book" of past people who are decent folks and who showed interest in them.
Should you still feel hurt? Well, I can't tell you what to feel.
BUT...
I think it's pointless holding onto some hurt from years ago. You took a chance and well the results were not as you had hoped, IT HAPPENS! You liked her, she didn't like YOU in that way.
I'd be curious as to WHY they have changed their mind, but I probably would NOT jump in with both feet here. Because? Like I said to me it reeks a little of "well, I haven't found anyone else so I might as well settle for this chap who liked me many moons ago, maybe THAT will work".
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (14 January 2017):
 I would call them out on it and ask them all the hard questions that they probably don't want to answer. If there are any unresolved feelings on your part then you need to confront them about it and talk it out. If they run away from you because of this confrontation then you know just how flaky they are, and you are better off without them, but if they enter into a serous discussion with you about what really happened, then give them a second chance to redeem themselves.
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