A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyoneSo basically, my parents told me not to have any hangouts with my friends until my exam is over which is at the end of April. So my 18th birthday is in a week's time and happens to be on a school day, so my friends want to celebrate my birthday on Saturday. Coincidentally, its also chinese new year and my friends also want to have an reunion dinner because we're all studying abroad and our parents back in our home country where Chinese New Year is celebrated. We were ex school mates and when i moved here, they were all so welcoming towards me. Like they have a plan to take me out in the afternoon to a mall to relax and have some food and relax. And in the evening, we'll have a reunion dinner like what usually happens on chinese new year is. There's also one thing, my parents are so they're less flexible in a way. I really want to ask them for just a day off to relax from work and just celebrate my 18th. I just dont want to spend all weekend studying when its my 18th.. How should I ask them? I was going to beg them and say pleaseeee and tell them how well i've been coping with my school work and tests and all. Please help!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 January 2017):
 I don't know, OP, maybe if I were in your shoes I would not push my luck. Or I would ask permission for the afternoon at the mall but not the dinner, or viceversa.
I know that skipping ONE study day sounds like a very moderate, and acceptable request- on your birthday too !. And , even if Chinese parents have a reputation for being strict and demanding, and your father is maybe even a bit stricter than average, still taking a day off on your birthday should not be such a big deal- in theory. In practice, we have a bit of a background, and you have screwed up already, at least from your father's point of voew. In your previous post you told us how you have been struggling to stay on top of things , about which your parents were concerned. You also failed a few tests or got bad grades or something , and I remember you were very very worried about breaking the bad news to yoir parents ( btw, how did that go, eventually ? ). They try and monitor your outings from a distance , also because they don't want you to date yet - which you do , regardless of their opinion, so maybe you should try not to stir up potentially controversial stuff.
But the cherry on top of the cake, is that your dad was mad at you because he called you too often for your tastes ,- and at times you did not bother picking up because you were " too busy with studies " and " needed to keep your concentration ". ( So, if he tells you " Oh really ?! So you are too busy to talk to your father, but you are not too busy for relaxing at the mall ? "- go blame him, if you can :)
My guess is that your parents, right or wrong that they are, are not too happy with your academic performance and effort shown so far, and you are sort of " under observation " now , if not exactly grounded - and that's what the hard rule of " no hanging out at all before the finals in April " comes from.
I would proceed with caution, if I were you,- I would try to keep a low profile till April. Or, if you are just totally dying to see your friends ( which is torally understandable at 18 ! :), like I said I'd keep the outing shorter, and maybe, I'd have the kind aunt talk to your father. She can let slip in general conversation that you are working soooo hard these days , and you look so tired and worn out that she thinks you need to take a break ( or a few breaks ) for health reasons.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2017): You say "Mum/Dad/Aunty...its the chinese new year coming up and i want to go out and celebrate with my friends like everyone else.You know my friends, the ones from school, Meha, Pindi and Brena and a few others?We're all going to the mall and having a little get together at the restaurant and Im a guest of honor cos its my 18th this week.What do you think?Are you celebrating too? What are you doing for the New Year?Dont you think its nice that us younger ones can get together for a meal once in a while!"Generally go along those lines of what they did at 18 yrs and how a meal is a pleasant timeless thing.Sorry if the names dont remotely resemble your friends but it is always good to name your friends and then your parents feel that they have some connection with the people you are close to.You will have to get in the habit of communicating with them.Some youngsters take the witty approach.eg "Oh great honorable one would it be fitting for me to dine in " The Golden Gate" or do you think "The Great Wall " has a better menu.We are going there on Saturday!"Are you some one who likes to drop it on them by degrees.ie asking to go to a restaurant, turns into an overnight stay with friends, turns into off to meet stranger off the net!Because if thats how you operate then you cant be trusted.So stick to the real facts so people really know what you expect to do so that if you dissappear they dont look like idiots sending the police on a wild goose chase.The normal way is to name the venue,name the people you'll be with, keep your cell phone with you and let them know when you will get back and stick to that time. No getting too drunk to know whats going on and no random diversions to a different area.Then you build trust.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 January 2017):
 You already asked this question, why not update your other question and talk to others about the great advice they have already gave you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2017): You should ask them very nicely and respectfully. You haven't asked them yet, and assuming they will not agree. You will not know until you ask them.
If you have been a good student, a respectful and obedient daughter; that's your supporting-argument why you should celebrate your birthday as you would like.
However; traditional Chinese parents are strict about traditional family-celebrations. Prepare for their disapproval; because you are too young not to accept their decisions.
I suspect they will have a soft spot in their hearts, and will find it hard to say no. The way you articulate in your post shows you are a sweet girl; and very concerned about your parent's feelings.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (20 January 2017):
 Honey, your legally an adult so in essence you don't need their permission. if I understand your post correctly, your parents are in China and you and your friends USA? If that is the case are they not too far away to know what you do on a daily basis? Any how in order to study well you need to relax, take a break and mentally recuperate. Study stress can be just as detrimental to doing well. Blowing off some steam with your friends sounds like a great idea. Ps. Happy Birthday for next week
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (20 January 2017):
 You're the poster who stays with her aunt and had trouble keeping good grades because of a boyfriend, aren't you?
I'm all for you going out locally for 4 hours to celebrate, but I think any more is asking for trouble.
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