A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a guy for 3 months now, but we don't meet often, only once per 1 or 2 weeks, depending on our work schedules. We do go on dates when we meet, not just sex. He remembered my bday even though I have only mentioned it once and he surprised me with a quite fancy dinner, which is definitely out of his normal budget. But same time, with the lack of communication we have, I do not think I'm anywhere his priority. (We only text when we set up dates, or when he texted me merry xmas/ happy new year, etc and that's it.). The arrangement we have is quite perfect for me at the moment though, as I want someone who I have fun hanging out with, have great sex, but minus the relationship. (I have some solo travel plans coming up, and I do not want to be in a relationship before that) I do have feelings for this guy, but we are not going to end up being anything serious, but same time I do not want a fuck buddy kind of guy.Anyway, we planned to meet this weekend to do something together, but yesterday he suddenly texted me at midnight, which clearly was a booty call, but he doesn't seem to be drunk judging from the way he wrote. He asked if I was out or awake, I only saw it this morning and bluntly replied NO (though maybe I should not even answered it). I don't know if I should meet him tomorrow still, this is first time he sent me these booty call kind of text. Even though we always have sex when we meet (cos I have a even higher drive than him and I feel like after a great time tgt), I do not enjoy it a bit to have booty call kind of sex without doing anything together first. To be honest, I almost feel offended that he thinks I'm gonna to open my door at midnight and have sex with him.If you were me, would you still go out on a normal date with a guy who booty call you?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, marianox  +, writes (22 January 2017):
For most of men a female FWB is just a slutty girl which can be available just for sex. Of course...sex sourronded with a good chat, maybe a pizza, maybe a walk and movies...but just casual sex..and remember something. As the time goes by...men tends to forget that you are a "lady" and will tell everybody sexual details of you. Well. As a matter of fact, many women don't care about that anyway
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 January 2017):
 Either you want casual or you want a relationship, you need to work that out. Having sex on your terms is great but the guy probably thinks well if she has a high sex drive why not send her a message, he is after all trying his luck. It does seem to be a casual arrangement where you have sex EVERY time you meet. You are not his priority and vice versa, therefore am really not sure what it is you are wanting from him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2017): Your post sounds bad and selfish. You want it when YOU WANT IT. You want to be taken out and panpered before you'd give him any. Yet you say you crave sex more than him and has a higher sex drive.
You should slow down and realize that whether in a committed relationship or casual swing, BOTH partners have the right to request sex! So what if it's a booty call? You signed up for it!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2017): Ask him maybe? it does seem a very causal relationship to be fair. And I would of imagined a couple would spend Christmas or New Years eve together.
Like you say when you meet you have sex. Now this is always good and easy for people. I'd just ask.if you want more tell him. If not carry on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2017): somebody is going to get hurt, he is going to fall for you, or when he ghost you ,you going to realize you like him more then a boy toy
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (7 January 2017):
 Wow, I had to read your post twice to get my head round it! Talk about sending out mixed messages! This poor guy probably doesn't know whether he is coming or going.You have been dating for 3 months, having sex during every date, yet, when he calls up late at night (a "booty call" as you term it), you are offended because he didn't take you out first? Then, in the next breath, you say you don't want a relationship because you have solo plans. I'm sorry but, as I see it, you ARE in a relationship. If you REALLY don't want a relationship, what is wrong with a booty call? Does he first have to pay for the privilege of having sex with you?It seems to me you want to have your cake AND eat it. You don't want a relationship as you don't want to be tied down (fair enough) but you also expect this poor bloke to keep dating you before you put out for sex, otherwise you feel cheapened in some way? How does HE see your "relationship"? If you are telling HIM you don't want a relationship, then he must be so confused by your insistence on dating, rather than a pure sexual arrangement. I think you really need to make up your mind exactly what you want and then discuss it with him and tell him where your boundaries are, as the poor bloke is obviously as confused as I am.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (7 January 2017):
 You don't want a relationship maybe he doesn't either, this is the first time he's done this, but I don't see why you're so offended by it considering you have sex everytime you see each other anyways. You're saying all he has to do is take you to dinner then you're fine to have sex? If so I don't really see how you can be mad at him cause it sounds like he doesn't have to put much effort in anyways.
If you don't like it, tell him. Sounds like you have a really casual arrangement going on and he felt like it was okay for him to do that, which is apparently not so. Let him know you don't appreciate being used just for sex and that you'd rather spend a time together first and then he knows where the boundaries are set.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 January 2017):
 I guess I would. Seen the premises and circumstances of this relationship. You are not his priority- and he is not yours either. You want to keep it casual- and he does too. I understand that the late night call maybe be a btand of casual which is TOO casual for your tastes, and that you want to do casual dating, not casual booty calls. But I think you can just bring this up, and state your boundaries, civilly, without anger or finger pointing. You can tell him that you did not answer his text because you were asleep BUT , even had you been awake, you would not have made yourself available; this way of conducting things makes you uncomfortable and is not what you had in mind. You are fine with casual dates and spending time together ( *including* in bed ) - but you are not keen on physical encounters only.
That's your preference , it is a legitimate one and I do not think that it is prissy or bitchy to express it. If he is on the same page, fine, he won't repeat the faux pas. If he is not , and thinks you have "dated" enough so from now on you can just get down to business...well, then you would NOT be on the same page and might as well to know it at once, without wastes of time, and misunderstandings.
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