A
female
age
26-29,
*ahogany95
writes:Dear Cupid, I'm a 22 y/o female from Memphis, TN .. ?I recently got close with this guy that I work with .. We talk, laugh, and joke .. He even gave me a little cute nickname. At first I wasn't really into it, but then I started to really enjoy the attention. I've only worked with him for 2 months .. Now between that time .. I've found out that he's been going though a lot with a divorce and his ex wife/kids..I recently found out that I will be leaving to go back to my home state in Indiana.. When I found out he was the FIRST to know .. And then I told my boss.. I told him about my living Situation and why I'd have to go.. He told me to make sure I give him my contact information.. So I did.. He said hed call me, but NEVER did, so I brushed it off like w.e.. Things continued we were still laughing and joking around .. And time is passing .. Now I have a day before I leave and I wrote him another note , it reads 'I need for you to smile more, sir. And I'll be leaving for a while, so you should do what I want lol and if you don't .. We fightin. I know things are shitty right now, but its gonna be alright.That chapter is closed. Its time for a new beginning. I know what you're going through is effecting you, how can it not be? Idk if anyone has asked you if you're okay.. But I can see it. God is telling me to tell you that something greater is coming .. What ever your dream is .. Make it a reality .. Dont wait. Life is too short. Dont say 'oh, ill do it next year. . or idk if that would happen for me' It will. With God thing are possible for those that believe. 'Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.' Mark 9:23Speak itBelieve itDo it What happened to you the other night could've been much worse .. And honestly idk what I would've done if something did happen to you. I dont even know you all that well, but .. It seems like ive known you forever. Do what makes YOU happy .. Show people the real you.. Someone will feel it ..I guarantee it .. You'll be okay. The only thing I regret is not talking to you sooner .. I know I was acting like a hardass in the beginning .. Not speaking .. Or paying you any amount of attention, but it wasn't you or anyone for that matter .. Over the years I've just built this tough exterior .. To somehow protect myself.. And in the long run the only person it hurt was me because I didnt allow people to see me for who I really am. Its shitty that I have to leave the way that I do; so soon. . But it is what it is, I'll be alright. And FYI.. You're the good looking one, but I'm sure you knew that.I just wanted you to know that you'll be okay.. Sometimes we just have to hear it.' I said bye to him last night .. And once again .. He said that he would call me/hit me up.. He even started to walk towards me like he was starting to.give me a hug, but then stopped and continued working .. Now today.. I messaged him on Facebook .. And the only thing he said to me was 'hello' like wait am.I missing something here?
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divorce, ex-wife, facebook, his ex, I work with, my boss Reply to this Question
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male
reader, PJ Roy  +, writes (24 November 2017):
I don't really see evidence from your post to indicate that he was hoping for a quickie before you left, or anything like that.He's not interested. That's for certain.What you are missing: you must have been convinced that your note was 'super good', that you were putting into it the very best of you, that *he* brought out the very best in you, and that most certainly, most definitely when he'd receive it and read it, he'd feel it too, he'd know it too, and there's no way on Earth it could turn out otherwise.If so, Welcome To The Club! Been there, done that. (My biblical quotes even almost worked in my case.)My counter-question is... You *wrote* this? Girls like you who bother to write something, anything, nice-guy'ishness notwithstanding, actually exist?And they live... in the present?! Just a second ago, here I was thinking I was a lone species in the universe. Thank you for that. Even if it was no use for your colleague beau, Mother Nature made you write that note for a reason. You still have much to learn, you still have a lot to grow into... but your potential for being the best person you can be gives a reason to smile to old-timers like yours truly.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 November 2017):
 OP, he just isn't into you as you are into him.
While I personally would find it an "oh let's back away quickly!" if someone left me motherly advice with bible quotes tossed in there - who knows how he felt about it. If he, Like WiseOwlE suggests was just looking for a quick little fling before you left (which I agree with)- then your note would have been a HUGE neon sign to NOT go there and NOT try for anything casual or otherwise with you.
Don't give people unsolicited advice and preach to them if you are HOPING to find romance. Your note was WAY over the top, IMHO Switching between bible quotes and hitting on him it just ends up sounding like a mixed bag of .... strange. You have ONLY worked with him for 2 months so you barely know the guy.
I will reiterate that looking for love in the workplace is NOT a good idea. Not only it is unprofessional, it's generally a bad idea. I'd say for someone like you who have faith and religion, I'd say meeting a partner through church might be a MUCH better option as you will have much bigger chance of finding someone who shares your core beliefs.
Leave him be. Move on.
He has a divorce to work through. The loss of NOT seeing his kids every day and dealing with ALL that a divorce entails.
If I were you I'd probably remove him from the Facebook.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (23 November 2017):
 If he was interested he would call, simple.
And I have to agree with wiseowl, if a girl sent me a note with a whole load of bible readings, if be insanely creeped out.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 November 2017):
 Yeah, you are totally missing something : he is not interested. He may have been flirting and joking, at a superficial level, with no intentions to start anything with you, whether a real friendship or more .
Maybe he was just being friendly and companionable because it helps killing time on the job, or, much more probably, as Wise OwlE says, he was looking for a quickie before you left, and all that biblical quotes cooled his jets :).
Anyway, first, he is in the middle of a messy divorce so I doubt that a new , long distance romance will be much on his mind, second ,he just took your phone number, which is no love declaration and no committment, it is something that people often do routinely , just oit of courtesy or habit or for the heck of it. IF they follow through and actually call... you can build up from there ; if they don't- it's wiser to live it at that. For whatever reason of theirs, they are backing off and keeping their distance, and a gushy, sentimental , although kind and well-meant , message like yours will leave them baffled, embarassed and probably annoyed too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2017): Here we go again. Sweetie, are you watching the news these days with women and men coming out of the woodwork complaining about inappropriate flirtations and sexual-advances??? Most of them are in professional situations.
Your workplace is not your personal-dating pool. You have a name, keep it professional; pet-names on the job are inappropriate. It's over-familiarity. If you work for anyplace reputable and has decent standing in the business-community; they should frown on it. That's what you learn first in sexual-harassment training seminars. If you work for an organization of any significant size in the United States; conduct in the workplace and sexual-harassment training is mandatory.
Young people like to ignore these rules of conduct on the job; but that's a huge liability to a company of any size!
He's still in the midst of a divorce. He was expecting a "quickie" before you left.
He's probably trying to reconcile his marriage. He may have lied about going through a divorce.
What do Biblical-passages have to do with flirtations on the job? The note was too much, and looks like you're hitting on him. References to "the other night" could be taken completely out of context; and if his wife read it (he's not divorced yet) she wouldn't see it as appropriate to a married-man. He's married until his divorce is final!
Well, you now see he's not interested. Now you can move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2017): How many notes have you written him ? As you put I’ve wrote him another note .. had you given him this note prior to hitting him on Facebook as you put it . ( I’m not a Facebook user ) As my take is, your letting your imagination run a little wild .. your attracted to him , you make that clear in your post/note to him . You justify yourself and plead a little as to why you didn’t speak earlier making out your vulnerable and hence you have a rough exterior ( probably so ) but I’m sorry your note itself has desperation written all over it . Some people flirt at work and make light talk it’s away to pass the day - his situation at the moment makes him undatable anyway and yet you seem very determined to have more .. your note again speaks volumes.Sweetie, when you like someone as you do . You have to be cautious .. don’t give to much of yourself or make yourself to eager .. it can be off putting . Plus this man has a messy and I mean messy situation to handle . His let’s keep in touch was maybe sincere until he read your notes a better approach would have been to give a note short and sweet on the day you were leaving just saying you felt that this was the start of a potential friendship, you knew his circumstances were off balance but you would really like to keep in contact .. if he wanted to as well .The hello on Facebook was short with not much pep thrown your way .. guys who are interested will bend over backwards to chat .. but you could have replied : hey there stranger; imagine you being on here .. just something silly and witty .. if your going to message someone who you’ve shared the majority of the day idle chatting back and forward , your going to have to make them want to chat . Don’t not assume either that you know that person .. being physically in the same room as someone does not make you connected .. I’m not being hard just looking out for your own welfare .. as all the aunts and uncles on here we try and do .. we’re surrogate family .. That is my take on your post others may differ .. I just felt you pushed a little too hard ..
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