A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Should I trust this colleague? I just started at a firm downtown and in my previous role I was very talkative I would open up a lot to co-workers etc (I can’t read people sometimes) in this new job I started I noticed one of my colleagues is trying to be friendly with me but some of his actions are a bit questionable. He has brought up how much he dislikes working at our firm and asks me oh do u like it here? He also brought up salary questions which is odd and asked me if I am claiming overtime since he noticed I stay late. He doesn’t seem to mind his business and seems to be overly dramatic. He wants to add me on all social media accounts but I am hesitant. He and another co-worker always talk online all day and they seem to know a lot of what is going on in the office. I have also noticed that both of them will trash talk about another co-worker - “have you noticed Joe come in at 9am every day - look at those mother’s hours” yet I see them be so nice in Joe's face Are these two to be trusted? They have seen that I don’t bend down to this and they have not included me in any gatherings - they chat amongst themselves but they don’t include meWhat should I do ? Am I right into thinking they cannot be trusted?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 December 2017):
 It sounds like they are the office gossips. My advice would be to be friendly with them but also not to tell them to much or tell them anything personal and private. There are lots of nosey people in the world that talk about others to fee, better about themselves but I would never trust people like this as if they are gossiping about others they are sure to do the same to you.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (22 November 2017):
 You've seen first hand that they talk behind others backs so you have your answer already.
You're at work to carry out a job, not make friends. Keep a polite and professional relationship and don't get suckered into any gossiping. Keep yourself to yourself and don't answer anything you feel uncomfortable with, sounds like they're trying to get information out of you that could possibly be used against you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 November 2017):
 Few days ago we had a post about office gossupmongers, was that from you ? Are these guys those who cruticize their colleagues and badmouth their spouses ?
In the affirmative... (but, now that I think of it, in any case! in general !)- don't blow things out of proportion. This is going to be a problem only if you make it one.
Basically, you don't have neither to trust them, nor to distrust them. You got the new job not to expand your social life , I guess, or to find your new best friends- you are there to earn a salary and perform at the besr of your ability.
Do just that. The rest- what do you care . You just need to be polite , civil, PROFESSIONAL. You don't need to be standoffish or hostile, then again acting friendly, as you have found out yourself, does not mean, and does not entail, telling your intimate thoughts and your whole life story to the first passer- by.
If you are asked question that you deem intrusive or that you do not feel comfortable answering- you don't have to.
Change swiftly subject, or smile and say " Sorry, this is personal " or " I'd rather not talk about it".
They gossip and you don't ? Good ; keep not gossiping, and let them do what they want. In short : you do you,- if other people misbehave it's not your resonsibility to set them straight. All you have to do is just to not get sucked in into their " games ".
Which brings me to the matter of being " excluded " from
their gatherings and chats. Well, what's the problem ? Would you like to be included ? Why ? You don't like people who gossip and criticize - and they do. You find him ,or them, overly dramatic, pushy , and two faced. In short, - basically you don't like them, they are not your kind of people. And you complain that they don't try and include you ? I'd think that would be a big plus !
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 November 2017):
 No, I don't think they are to be trusted.
I would stick to being professional and polite with these people. Over time (if this is a job you are going to stick with long-term) you will figure out who is a GOOD coworker and who is a potential drama-llama.
As for not wanting to add them to your social media... STICK to that I would just use the "excuse" that you like to keep work and private life separate. Because by adding them you give them access to ALL kind of ammo to use against you.
As for not having asked you to join in gatherings... For now, I'd ignore it. People who "live" to gossip at work are just WAITING to talk about you at some point behind your back.
If they rather exclude you because you don't act petty and do not gossip - then are the people you really WANT to socialize with? Who you work with is not something you can always pick therefore being professional, courteous and polite is not a hard option.
Give them time to suss you out and you to get a good reading on them.
And make friends OUTSIDE the office.
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