A
female
age
41-50,
*eather13
writes:A guy complained that girl A does not like him. Girl A treats him indifferently. At the same time the guy was, and has becoming closer to girl B; who has always been in love with him. This guy and girl B having a relationship now. It seems like they are hiding some of it. Girl B thinks girl A like the guy, and flaunts her closeness with the guy. But when girl A first met him, she had already mentioned that he is unattractive to hrr, despite everyone swooning over him. Girl B kept telling girl A about how she feels about getting him. Girl A was and has been indifferent to the situation. But Girl B acted threatened that the guy will like Girl A. Especially because he kept tslking to everyone sbout girl A not liking him, even though he helps her. The guy flirts with girl B all the time. He is trying to hide from girl A as to how strong the relationship has gotten with girl B. The guy is now talking to girl A in a rude way, since she seems aloof of the entire situation. And is becoming more upset when he thinks girl A has a boyfriend and is textibg a guy (s). Even though there was never any interest in him by her.If anyone, especially girl B, is seen texting, which they do a lot; he allows it and does NOT repremand them. If he sees girl A glancing on her phone (that's charging, he throws a fit, and screams her name at her.Its allowed to be on phone out of site of customers.He is the supervisor of both of them.It appears that its allowed for anyoneTo date each other.Not a sexual harrassment situation.
View related questions:
flirt, has a boyfriend, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Heather13 +, writes (1 January 2018):
Heather13 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOn New Years eve, he was all into Girls A's face, chumming uo to her. Calling her early. Girl B kept running up to him to try and talk to him. Then he would walk off when gurl A comes near. At one point him and girl A was talking a lot, even laughing together. Then at some point you could see them go back to avoidinvpg each other. They started talking again towards the end of the shift. Theb when she was leaving, he said nothing to her just ignored as she went near him to leave. He wished eveyone a happy new year except her. She left him at work. Watching them looks bitter sweet.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 December 2017):
 Well if you are neither off these girls then I think you need to get a life off your own and not meddle in others.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (22 December 2017):
 I'm really starting to think this is a troll.
Possibly the most pointless question I've seen on this website considering this situation doesn't even concern you and whenever you've been asked why you're interested you ignore the question.
Completely wasting everyone's time.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2017): In your follow up you say 'Whyn care to talk about them is not the important thing.'
Why you're going to such lengths to ask this, and in such detail, is only important IF it's important to receive the most appropriate answer.
But instead you're making the aunts waste their time playing guessing games instead of puting that time to giving informed and understanding advice.
What does it matter if he's settling or otherwise if you're not involved with this at all? What advice is it that you're looking for by posting here?
...............................
A
female
reader, Heather13 +, writes (21 December 2017):
Heather13 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@aunthonesty
I am not dating anyone. Dont assume I am Girl A or B.
So you think he always wanted gitl A?
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (21 December 2017):
I remember your first post and I mentioned that he sounded like he was in the play ground, but now I am truly confused. My guess is that you wanted people to say in your first post that he was interested in you because you have feelings for him. Is it a case that you are now dating after chasing him for so long and now you are paranoid that he prefers Girl A? Either way this is a lot off drama for people your age.
...............................
A
female
reader, Heather13 +, writes (21 December 2017):
Heather13 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@CindyCares
I think she doesn't want to encourage him. Because I don't think she dislikes him all that much. Because she tries at times to be civil. At least thats how it looks. He is taking it very hard though for a boss. Its getting kind of annoying to the other coworkers that they are being used to carry message to each other when thet are close enough to do it themselves. And as the boss, he has the right to talk to her.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 December 2017):
 The jealousy about clothing was just an example to signify that often in your acquaintances ' lives and minds there may be more than you can know or that they care to share with you.
Regardless, - Ok, so be it; it's real. I still don't get why it would be so strange or surprising in their avoiding each other. Probably the guy likes A, she does not like him back and stays away from him because he gives her the creeps or because she does not want to encourage him. And he is miffed / offended for having being shunned and is sort of sulking. It's a plausible scenario, I think.
I still also don't get why it is a problem if those rwo want to ignore each other. If they prefer to ignore each other , let them ; not every workplace can be a big , happy family.
...............................
A
female
reader, Heather13 +, writes (21 December 2017):
Heather13 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe guy and girl A ARE the ONLY two people at work that avoid each other and are not talking directly to each other. Everytime there is an issue (guest related or work rekated) and girl A is telling another manager or a coworker, dependingbon who needs to know; if the guy is looking nearby, he goes up to that person to ask what she said after she walks away. Never directly asking her. He even talks to her through others and vice versa. So its obvious something is up.
...............................
A
female
reader, Heather13 +, writes (21 December 2017):
Heather13 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@CindyCaresWhyn care to talk about them is not the important thing. And its not a perception. This is something a few of us have seen with our beaming eyes. Its repetitive behavior. He ALWAYS try to go out of sight when girl A comes to work. Not just in his office. And find a corner to stare at her as well. When she passes by him, he stands real quick to the side the exact way a solder does when his general walks in. Except he clasp both hands together over his crotch insyead of a salute. No joke. This is not me puttingban imaginary story together just for entrrtainment. If you guys where there, you would see exactly what I am talking about. Girl A and B were talking to each other a little. They all where simplenfull black clothes. So there was no jealousy with clothing. He looked annoyed when a guest flirtedvwith girl A last night. Girl A went in his office for a second to talk to him. (Shockibg) afterwards, he was giddy. But pkayibg it off. Girl A, B and "two worker" were the last one left at work. He hinted that girl B can go home because there qas enough people to lock up. She pkayed annoyed and left. Trust me, this all is REAL.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (21 December 2017):
My impression, OP, is that you are making a mountain of a molehill. Ok, so maybe the guy got a shine to girl A, who does not requite the attraction, and he is trying to impress her somehow- he gets ignored so he is displeased . So ? Very normal. Why that should be a problem for you or girl A , I can't imagine. At most it could be a problem for girl B, IF she is so smitten with this guy as you think - but it was not girl B who wote to Dear Cupid, so , I guess that if it's a problem , so far she can handle it just fine.
OTH, it could be just your personal perception of the events, which you read in your own way. Meaning, the guy might have been " hiding " in his office because he was very busy and had no time or mood for company... girl B could be smiling to everybody because she is a smiley cheerful type, or could be glaring at girl A because she just does not like her in general , regardless. Or because B is envious of A's new designer shoes, for all you know !
I think you are embroidering a lot of things into this little office soap opera, without having facts or solid evidence showing that the plot is anywhere close to what you envision.
Anyway, if you are a third party, so neither A nor B ( .. but all in all , even if you were one of them !) - I would suggest you to let this people to their own devices and focus your attention on your tasks and performance at work.
You all are there to DO something at the best of your abilities, in change of which you get money- NOT to start romances, or to stir up drama.
I understand that work can get monotonous at times, and a little " drama " ( or rom-com ) may make it more interesting, but, honestly, the mature and sensible thing to do would be to mind your business and to not let yourself be distracted by other people's real or perceived shenanigans . I am sure you have better things to focus your mind on.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (21 December 2017):
Please explain to us then why you've asked 2 questions on the exact same subject? You keep swerving the question.
I can't fathom why you're so interested.
...............................
A
female
reader, Heather13 +, writes (21 December 2017):
Heather13 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe looked upset and hid out in his office. Only coming out a few times. Girl B also got quiet and glares at girl A.
...............................
A
female
reader, Heather13 +, writes (21 December 2017):
Heather13 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@N91 In all seriousness, as suspect as it may be, I am not girl A. I am not the girl avoiding the guy. She isnt the type to ask anything like this with strangers online. Anyhoo, I took a break to update whats going on with them now at work. Girl A walked in and guy started acting like alpha male. He seemed to have been looking for her to walk in . Girl B was all smiles along with the guy. Not towards girl A but with everyone else. Then when guy notice girl A laughing and chatty,he got quiet.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (20 December 2017):
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-my-general-manager-so-hung-up.html
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (20 December 2017):
You have already asked a question of the exact same scenario from the viewpoint of female A...
...............................
A
female
reader, Heather13 +, writes (20 December 2017):
Heather13 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am not girl A. Just asking the question from both point of views
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 December 2017):
 The reason HE has drama at work is his own doing.
He is the supervisor and shouldn't be trying to hit on his female staff or look for romance at work.
This is what happens when people think the workplace is a dating pool. When people aren't interested or don't appreciate being hit on, things get awkward for EVERYONE.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2017): I've just seen your previous post 'Why is my General Manager so hung up on whether or not I like him?'
Does this suggest that you're actually Girl A? but if so WHY go to the lengths of asking this question?
If you're not interested in him then what happens between him and any other girl is none of your concern. Even if you were concerned for Girl B it seems like his complete lack of interest in putting her 'first' is so obvious that you can't feel any responsibility for her getting hurt or to warn her at all.
Please stop playing games with the aunts and just explain why you are asking this question and what eactly it is that you're trying to figure out. We're here to help, but we can't that if you won't open up to us.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2017): In your follow up you asked 'How can he want someone who avoids him?'
Answer; in exactly the same way that you (Girl B) wants him when he clearly isn't interested in you as his 'first choice'.
Yes, he should have enough self respect not to continue to pursue someone that isn't interested, but so should you have enough self respect to realise that he's openly using you whilst continuing to chase the woman that he really wants.
This is also a really bad idea to make such a fool of yourself to your work supervisor. You're damaging both your reputation and your career. I think the best way forward would be to find a new job where you can act professionally and move on from someone that doesn't care for you or respect you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Heather13 +, writes (20 December 2017):
Heather13 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk. He has pure torment. Its hard for him to work properly on the days that they are both there. He tries to schedule his shifts where he has less interactions with her. Like coming in earlier to leave earlier before her shift starts. Or scheduling his days off on some of the dsys she work. I feel bad for him in a way. because tomorrow he works the same shift with her. And will be working close to her. Girl B will be there to help distract him though.
...............................
A
female
reader, Heather13 +, writes (20 December 2017):
Heather13 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSometimes he still stands behind her and finds ways to touch her. And stare at her. And still getting upset that she is texting a guy cuz some coworkers were saying he got a boyfriend. I see him acting like he is walk pass her and touch her, and say sorry. Everytime she walks in. So it looks suspicious
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (19 December 2017):
I'm really struggling to understand why you care so much?
You're 36+ years old....you're not living in a soap opera. What you're describing is a work atmosphere. Instead of wondering the behind the scenes of your boss' love life looks like, why don't you concentrate on your work and put this behind you?
I think your boss and the fact that you're so interested in it is juvenile.
...............................
A
female
reader, Heather13 +, writes (19 December 2017):
Heather13 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Honeypie
How can he want someone who avoids him? He text girl B often and stands close to her, whispers to her, not to anyone else. And hangs out at his house, etc. He is more happy with girl B
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 December 2017):
I think Woman B should ACCEPT this is NOT a guy worth pursuing. WHY would any woman of substance and quality CHASE after a man who is CLEARLY not into her but into another woman?
It's not High School anymore.
Look for love OUTSIDE of the workplace.
Why on Earth would woman B "settle" for being the second choice? Consolation prize?
Your updates are appreciated but I think either I or you fail to get the bigger picture. YOU by thinking this guy is some kind of prize of a man... or me in just not understanding how someone in their 30's have so little common sense.
...............................
A
female
reader, Heather13 +, writes (19 December 2017):
Heather13 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Honeypie @ciar @N91 @Beth1999 @Rhinocerous @CindyCaresGirl B has been the main pursuer of the guy, until he gave in so to speak. She has always been the initiator. Girl A was being treated more kindly in the sense that the guy would always pop up where she was and helping her. She seemed annoyed that he helped her, and appearantly told him not to. That's where it started with him telling his boss and others how girl A doesn't like him even ehen he helps her, etc. He supervises a mix of male and female employees. Most of the female employees have a crush on him. Girl B knew that, and so she pursued him. Girl A was a firmer employee before the guy worked there. When she returned, he instantly wanted to help her. Girl B already was trying after him shortly before girl A came back. One time he shouted girl A's name to her, and asked her if she noticed that he calls her name "the most". One male employee recently told girl A that the supervisor stares at her often. Girl A says she thinks its because she may be glancing at her phone.All of this info about them is known because he is so loud and hides nothing. And all of the workers can hear him talk to girl A.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (19 December 2017):
 I'm a bit confused. There seems to be some acrimony toward 'Girl A' but from what I can tell her only crime is not returning the affections of the guy.
She made it clear she didn't fancy him and she's been indifferent to his and Girl B's antics.
Am I missing something?
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 December 2017):
Why do I say he is unavailable? Because of the immature games, he is playing.
He wants one girl but can't have her, so he uses her to make the other girl feel like she has to step up and try harder - but the guy doesn't really WANT to second girl. He just wants the first one to think he doesn't "need" her. Even if the second woman (B) "got" the guy... she would end up with a guy who doesn't respect her, because SHE doesn't respect herself.
If he WAS emotionally available he wouldn't be playing this childish playground games and if EITHER of these women had sense common sense they would know he is NOT worth all this drama and hassle.
Why any woman would LET a supervisor at work play these mindfuck games is beyond me. HALF the world's population is male - there are NO DOUBT many and much better men out there so why settle for this asshat? He is an emotionally stunted and unavailable guy.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (19 December 2017):
Of course he would . It happens all the time.
A person may wish to dine at a five- stars restaurant, but if they can't, they 'll do nicely with the local diner. Better than skipping meals altogether..
I agree with the poster who says that it seems like the guy is trying to use girl B to make girl A jealous and / or get noticed/ a reaction from her, and since this is not going too well, he is going nuts.
I also agree that all these little games and tricks sound more appropriate for the school's backyard than for the workplace.
...............................
A
female
reader, Heather13 +, writes (19 December 2017):
Heather13 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Honeypie why do you say he is unavailable.
...............................
A
male
reader, Rhinocerous +, writes (18 December 2017):
 Well...
Girl A is an immature manipulator who is used to getting her way.
Girl B is insecure and doesn't value herself enough to reject the idea of wanting someone who values Girl A more than her.
Guy? Well Guy is just in that familiar, human place of wanting what he thinks he cannot have, and not putting much value on what he knows he can easily have.
I'm assuming you're Girl B. If that's the case, you need to realize your own value which will likely make you seem more valuable to Guy. Of course, if you do realize your own value, you probably will also realize that Guy isn't as valuable as you thought.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (18 December 2017):
Yes of course people settle for others in life.
Lots of reasons: Lack of ambition, fear of loneliness, comfortability to name a few.
The real question is why are you asking this question? Why would you be bothered if it had nothing to do with you? As ciar said I would have guessed that you were woman B also. Woman A wouldn't be wasting her time with this situation.
My advice, find someone that values you and doesn't date you as an object to make others jealous. Know your self worth.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (18 December 2017):
Yeah, I got a bit of a surprise myself when I saw the age. Though I think it's Woman B and the idiot guy who need to grow up. That's the problem with these convoluted guy/girl A/B scenarios. Why can't folks just say 'Me, he, her'?
Anyhoo, I'm assuming you are 'girl B' so to answer your long sort of confusing question, YES, men and women can and have settled for one person when they really want another. Your guy just isn't that into you.
The other woman isn't interested in him and it's driving him mental. He doesn't even bother to hide his fits when she's on her phone or talking to someone else.
You're a temporary consolation prize.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 December 2017):
Woman (not girl) A needs to grow the F up - she is still mentally in Highschool and it's sad. I think she is enjoying that the moron of a man is using HER as ammo and fodder to torment Woman B.
Woman B needs her head examined as she is chasing an unavailable prick who loves drama and making Woman B feel inferior.
BOTH women A & B need to take their job seriously and not use as a dating pool or to get their daily drama fix.
Overall? The story sounds as interesting as a fart in a hurricane.
Sounds like a bunch of insecure people who needs to find better things to do in life.
...............................
|
