A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone, So I broke up with my bf about 1 month and a half ago. I am 22, he is 25. We had been together for 1 year and a half. We met as international students (in Australia, I was exchange student and he was studying engineering there, he's from Pakistan I'm from France). We've been living together for 1 year and a half, and everything was fine until the last month of my stay in Australia. He was caring, supportive etc, I mean behaving like a boyfriend who loves his girlfriend. Two days after I left the country, he called me crying on Skype telling me his father was dead (he told me before hi father had diabetes and his condition had worsened), that he would take the first flight to be with his family and would never come back to Australia. A week after that, when I asked him if we could Skype soon so I'd see how he is doing, he told me his mom didn't handle her husband's death, and needed a translplant (liver and kidney), and that he would give her his kidney. He even told me that his "sister" would reply me back from his phone the time he would be at hospital. A week after that, appearently back home, his sister told me he had attempted suicide. I mean I was convinced I knew my bf, he would never lied on such things, I never thought that wasn't true. I trusted him. My brother told me that sounded too "big" to be true, so when I call his "sister" and she didn't pick up, I called a mutual coworker (me and my bf were working at the same place the last two months of my stay), and asked her when she saw him for the last time. When she told me last Wednesday, I realized everything was a lie from A to Z, he never left Australia, he father had never died, his mom was alright, and his "sister", was actually HIM texting me... When I called him to confront him, at first he didn't want to give me any answer, even to pick up the phone, and the answer I had was that 2 days after I left, his father had called me to tell him to never come back home, to consider him as dead, because he would consider his son dead, as he was appearently opposed to our relationship to the beginning (i don't think that's true..) and to his choice of becomming an engineer/scientist. He yelled at me that everything was because of me, that his family wasn't talking to him anymore, that he wanted to be alone, didn't anyone in his life. Obviously, I said it was over after what he did. And the day after the breakup, he blocked me on Whatsapp, Viber. Why? I don't know. A week after that, I tried to confront him gently with the fact that he probably had a problem with lying (my colleague had told me even at work he liked to make up stories... so everyone at work would just smile but wouldn't say anything because they knew it was probably not true, like he showed them a pic of some big celebrity that somehow looked like him and say it was his father when he was young (he did the same to me after his father had "died", but I had doubts because his father didn't look as white as the guy on the pic). When I tried to talk to him about it, he said "what lies? I only lied because I wanted you to leave me", "move on with your life", "i've already moved on", "i'm a bad person, I'm not a nice guy", "stay away", "we have different personalities", and finally, the weirdest "nobody got any place in my world". When I asked him what he meant by his "world", he said he was blocking me on Facebook too, that he didn't have any answers to my questions. And that's it. It's been more than a month and I didn't get any explanations, even just as why he wanted to end up our relationship, no apology (but honestly now, I'm not expecting any). He blocked me everywhere, even if I needed something in emergency , I couldn't contact him. Probably changed his number as well lol. I am trying to figure out things and moving on without any answers, but honestly it's hard. Your thoughts? What's that attitude seriously?
View related questions:
at work, broke up, co-worker, facebook, liar, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 December 2017):
 The answer to your questions is he is a pathological liar and it is an illness. You can wreck yourself trying to figure out why he would do half the things he done, but you need to draw a line under it and you need to say to yourself there is no point wondering what if. He has an illness that makes him tell the silliest off lies and the biggest off lies. Your best to keep him out off your life for good.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2017): Hi, I'm the girl of the question, thanks to all the answers I had, When I said I thought he was a compulsive liar, it's because he also lied at his workplace, like several times (my colleague told me once our boss had thought about firing him several times because of what he had heard of him from other people who had eployed him previously etc, but as he was doing the job properly, he didn't heave a "real" matter). I thought about things he told me / showed me after the breakup, like telling me Stephen Hawking (a great scientist) had come to his uni for a conference, that during the time I was back in France (for 2 months), he had undertaken a maths contest, he even showed me his certificate couple of months ago from Cambridge and signed by... guess who?? Hawking himself lol. At that time, as he told me he had his contest and all, I didn't think it was fake... now when I took a closer look at it, (even at the grammar, looks like someone who speaks good English, but def not like how a Cambridge scholar would write), it's probably fake and he probably mad eit himself... as well as the medal he showed up. The worst is he published pics of it on Facebook, his family was like "i'm proud of you", "amazing"... I do think he really believes in his lies and he could be in trouble one day. I guess he lies to almost everyone. I don't know. Now honestly, I don't think that's the "cultural difference" that mad ehim breakup... to be very honest, I think his "excuse" with his father going against us his bullshit.. probably to hide something else. I met his parents (on Skype only), and it wasn't like they didn't want to see my face, on the contrary... He's from a middle-class family and he had always told me (until the breakup) that his parents were ok with me. Now did he cheat on me, and didn't want to admit it so he lied? Maybe, after all one night when I finished work late, I call him to pick me up cause I was sick, and he told me he was at his uni campus with his teacher (oh, did I mention during the last month of my stay, one of his teachers wanted to appoint him as assistant teacher for maths class? lol. Now I think that's b.s too, as I saw his grades and he is just average, not a genius like he pretends to be.) The same day at work my colleague told me one of the girls at work had told her she was going to uni campus with my bf and a friend to watch a movie lol. When I confronted him, obviously he denied, but as it was two weeks before I left, didn't want to fight honestly. I guess he had planned to dump me before I left, because he told me he had found a small room to move out in a certain neighbourhood, and a couple of weeks after the breakup, I received email Uber Eats receipts (his order) with a different address from what he had told me... I don't know wtf has gone through his head or why he did that, I didn't try to contact him to be honest, because I was hurt and disgusted by what he did, but even if I wanted to, I couldn't so it's all settled.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 December 2017):
 He just needed to shake you off himself real bad and real soon, by all means necessary.
He is from Pakistanm right ? Well, in Pakistan still nowadays close to 90% of marriages are combined by the parents. It does not mean that they are forced marriages ; just that most people , for religious ,social, cultural reasons, are not motivated to challenge the status quo and are OK, if not happy, with letting their parents choose a partner for them.
Often people get engaged at 12, 13,even before - with the agreement that the marriage will be postponed to adulthood, and to the end of college studies.
Chances are that your ex already had someone lined up for him in his country, for when he'll reach the age , status and income that his family deems appropriate for marriage.
That of course would not have prevented him, alone in a foreign country, to start a hot, exciting, ° forbidden ° relationship with a French girl.
I don't mean by this that your allure was only sexual- he is human, he has a heart and feelings, he will have grown attached to you, he will have liked you -.... but I 'm 99 % sure that you were playing with a rigged deck. He KNEW that you were not Miss Right, just Miss Right Now.
I agree that "killing " his father and inventing a kidney transplant just to get rid of an inconvenient liaison goes a little beyond normal bullshitting , say, like " it's not you , it's me " . His lies are so bizarre that yes, he might be not quite right in his head.Someone who lives a bit in a fantasy world.
OTH, come on, what did you want him to say ? The truth ? " I have exploited you emotionally and sexually all along, and I always knew I was just marking time and there was no way our relationship could go on after a certain stage " ? I don't think many men , would have the nerve and cold blood to say that in your face.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2017): You were a convenient person for 1.5 years, that's all. He had all plans of dumping you when he moved but couldn't get you to go away. I understand how you were duped bc it did last so long and you want answers so you can save face. He's not letting you. What an ass.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (18 December 2017):
 The thing here is he sounds like a compulsive liar, the fact that he broke up with you imo is a good thing.
If he lies about his father dying and not bat an eyelid what other smaller things could he lie about? Stop trying to work out why he broke up with you, some things are better left unsaid and personally I think it's a blessing in disguise for you.
Would you want to keep dating and further down the line he's added a hundred more lies onto the ones he's already told? Or rather be in a committed honest relationship? I know which I'd choose.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2017): It was the cultural difference that won. You were two foreign students in a foreign country probably feeling lonely so you fell together and he must have liked you or he wouldn't have stayed with you that long but eventually he realised that he can never take you to his country because you would never be happy there. You see life in places like Pakistan,Iran and so on are much harsher than Europe. Traditions, religions, family ties.. are all diffrent. Even the climate is much harsher. Of course he was terribly immature to yarn all those lies. He could have explained all these to you. But that is that. He didn't know how to behave as a mature and civilised person. My advice is same as the others, forget him and move on. Consider it was a holiday romance.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (18 December 2017):
 Sometimes we have to settle for NOT understanding a situation and accept that there is no acceptable explanation. After all the crazy lies, surely you must realize you are much better off without him?
Stop trying to contact him. There is NO emergency that needs you to contact him - unless you need him to give YOU a kidney, ha ha. Seriously, stop checking where he is blocking you and move on. Be thankful the rubbish took ITSELF out.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 December 2017):
 My thoughts?
YOU dodged a crazy bullet!! Be GLAD you found out about all these badly woven web of lies now instead of later. Someone who can't JUST break up with you - without having to "kill off" his dad and make his step-mom/mom sick - is a sick sick puppy!
BLOCK HIM on everything and shake it off!
You don't NEED him to explain a simple thing to you. He didn't want to date you anymore (either because he has found someone else or he just doesn't see a future with you) and THAT is THAT. Trying to figure out why he lied and why he acted the way he did it's pointless because you may never know. And it's a WASTE of your time.
YOU didn't "make" him lie to you. You didn't "make" him do or say the crap he did and said. THAT is all on him.
Is he a compulsive liar? Could be but mostly he is a huge A-hole who treated you with such disrespect and contempt that he deserves NO MORE consideration from you.
What he is doing is more like "gaslighting you" than just lying.
He was trying to make you think it was your fault.
What a nutcase!!
You really did dodge a bullet here.
He probably also lied about a LOT more than you know.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2017): Forget him. It's done and over. He's given you his answers and blocked you on all social media. This guy is not worthy of another thought from you. Consider yourself lucky to have found out what a jerk he is before things went too far.
...............................
|
