A
female
age
26-29,
*lgardner1
writes:I have been friends with this guy for a year now and we have recently gotten pretty close. se seemed like a really easy going person and cool guy to hang out with. He really opens up about his life and we have many deep conversations. Well this past Tuesday, he asked me to come over to his house to hang out. I said us and we set the time for 6:30. So Friday rolls around and at 6, he tells me he is leaving work and he will text me once he is home so I can come over. So an hour and a half passes and it's 7:30. Well I go ahead and go over to his house because I figured even if he's not home I'll just wait in my car for him. Idk if that is weird to do but it was not to be creepy, we had gotten close so I did not think it was a big deal. Well I drive up to his house and there are 3 cars in the driveway. He lives alone and his car was parked there. So I stop my car and I text him if he made it home. Five minutes later, he texts back no! Sorry I did not make it home. Every light in his house was on and his car was there with two cars behind his, so I know he was lying. Well I drive home pissed that he would lie to me. He texts me and says some guys from worked forced him to go out and have a drink. Which to me sounds like bs anyway. So he ended off blowing me off and lying on top of it. I'm a reasonable person, if he simply did not want to hang out, even at last minute he should of just texted me and told me. I would have been annoyed but not furious like I am now because he made up.a story. We had set plans that he set up. Should I keep this person as a friend?
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female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (23 November 2017):
 I would not advise you to keep this guy as your friend.
He has already proven to be a big let down and he lied to you above all else.
Even a friendship cannot be sustained by 'his actions".
For any type of relationship to work long term, both parties must be "committed" and "honest" and if it's to grow from "friendship" to something more "exclusive", then the above mentioned is even more important.
Your friend has blown the trust right out of the window and if he can't even be trusted to tell you the truth, that he was actually at home with his friends and not out and about, then what do you and he really have?
You saw his car in his driveway, two other cars behind his and the lights were on, so naturally, you used your logic and came to realise that he lied to you.
How can you now trust him fully?
How many times has he already lied? (You may wonder)
How many more lies would he tell you in the future? (If you take him back as a friend)
Also, you appear to want more from this relationship and this comes across, loud and clear, from what you've mentioned.
If this guy isn't at all committed to "sticking" to plans now and being honest with you, then there's really nothing more to build upon is there?
For a relationship to work properly, BOTH parties must be willing and able.
The other thing, if your friend can lie about what he did with his mates, then what more "serious" lies could he potentially feed you/hide from you down the line?
The worst part of all this is,
your friend "stood you down" and chose his mates, OVER "you"!
He had made a firm plan with you, to have you over, YET, in the end, REGARDLESS of the circumstances, he didn't even bother to text/ring you to apologise sincerely about what was transpiring with his mates.
A decent/well mannered guy would have never let you down to be with his friends and most decent guys would have rung you to apologise.
His friends "could" have waited for another day and i'm sure, most well meaning friends would understand and be happy that he was going to have you over.
He should have rung you as soon as his plans changed, so that you at least knew why he chose to not see you, but he didn't.
He "chose" not to ring/text you and he placed his friends up the top of the list and even managed to "lie" to you, to add fuel to fire.
He does not deserve a second chance and you should tell him exactly why.
I'd seriously consider kissing this one goodbye.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 November 2017):
 Eh, if he can't even tell you that he can't hang out after all but rather just lie to you what's the point?
I too think your posts sounds like you were/are hoping for more than "just" friends though regardless of that... He sounds like he made plans for you and when something "better" come up he couldn't even be bothered to cancel with you. A FRIEND would do that.
So I'd either just block him and move on or simply "downgrade" him to acquaintance status and I certainly wouldn't cancel other things to hang out with him.
Would I call him on it? I don't know. I'd feel if I did tell him hey I was at your house and saw other cars that it can come off.... stalkerish even if that wasn't the intention. I would just be busy with REAL friends and life to worry about ONE flaky dude.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (19 November 2017):
Nobody put a gun to this guy's head and "forced" him to go have a drink. If he really wanted to go out and have a drink or do whatever he was doing, he owed you a call beforehand so that you wouldn't be sitting their waiting for him, wondering what was happening. So, not only did her cancel, but he didn't even have the manners to let you know about it.
Was he really out having a drink? It sounds like he was home. If he didn't go out for a drink, he was telling you a lie.
What we do know here is that he wanted to do whatever he was doing more than he wanted to be with you. Not acceptable! Put him on your fake friends list and forget him.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 November 2017):
 If you 'd like him to be more than just a friend ( it sounds like you do ) then definitely no. Don't bother. He is flaky, rude and insincere. Plus, he must be " not that into you ", if he prefers a last minute little house party with various people,.. to the chance of spending a night , you and he alone on his turf :)
If you mean to stay just friend with him, it depends from your level of tolerance for flaky people and last minute changes. Personally, I'd cross of the friend list at once someone who cancels on me 30 minutes (!) before our appointment ( unless it's a real emergency, of course ). To me that's very disrespectful. But I will admit that many people are less rigid, particularly people with a wide circle of friends and an unstructured social life. The feeling being " John stood me up ? Ok, never mind, I'll just call up Mary, or X, or Y , to grab a last minute drink ".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2017): There are different kinds of friendship. Keep him as a friend? Sure, a distant friend that you are civil with, but not close to and not one you hang out with or rely on in any way. Don’t be available to him any more for meaningful conversation or for activities. He doesn’t respect you if he can’t be considerate of your time and be honest with you. A true friend is respectful and considerate. Don’t be used.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (19 November 2017):
 Should you keep this person as a friend? Only if you learn to not have such high expectations of him. You have caught him out lying now so you will always wonder if he is telling the truth.
You sound like you want more from him than just friendship but I would caution against that. For a relationship to work, trust is needed and he has just blown yours, so what would be the point?
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