A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it ok to leave a little heart in his desk?Just want to know some opinions. There's this guy at work that I like and I'm sure he likes me too. But I think it was my mistake by not showing interest in him and I think he has distanced a little. I really like him but I think I messed it up. What is your opinion on what I should do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2017): Maybe just ask if he would like to get lunch together or go for a drink after work instead. You might have read the signals wrong and it might be really awkward if he doesn't feel the same. I think workplace romances are generally a bad idea.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2017): Do not do it! It is creepy. Sexual harrasment in the workplace goes both ways..you could lose your job.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2017): Now aunts and uncles...there more chance of harassment problem if emails are sent !!! So a little heart left is sweet so do it if he likes you he will be smiling all day and email is so boring and workish .. romance is about fun.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 November 2017):
 I agree with the other aunties, you are not a teenager, stop acting like one. Leaving "heart-notes" is for teens and newlyweds.
1. he is a coworker - workplace romances can be seen (in some companies) as rather inappropriate. Trying to use your coworker as your dating pool is not only EXTREMELY limited but also not a smart thing. Especially, if he doesn't feel the same way.
2. do you even know him well enough to know if he is single?
3. there are MANY better ways to let a guy know you are interested IF that is where you want to go.
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A
male
reader, TylerSage +, writes (17 November 2017):
 I'm not exactly sure what type of relationship you had before this distance, but maybe you can send him an email and ask him to join you later for lunch. The liitle heart aspect is sweet, but in this day and age, with all the dating rules and office harassment issues and peer judgement, sweet gestures can easily be demonised. If it were outside the office, I'd say go for it, but try to be more to-the-point here.
If you're more coy, you can do the usual lady stuff like make sure he catches you glancing at him for a second, then graciously smile and look away. It doesn't take much to get a guy to show interest on your part.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 November 2017):
 With the current climate of sexual harassment and workplace relationships going around, this isn't the time for ambiguous hearts and that sort. He might be distancing himself because of a simple reason: Making workplace advances towards co-workers is risky, especially for a guy, and especially in today's climate.
I agree with the others - schoolgirl maneuvers should stay in junior high. Ask him to coffee if you want to get to know him.
But honestly - my best advice would be not to get your livelihood entangled with workplace romance to begin with. It's your reputation, your file, your career that you spent thousands in education and job searching to procure. There are plenty of guys out there who would NOT affect your job by dating or being rejected by. If you can avoid awkwardness in your place of business, all the better! Some employers frown altogether on workplace romances between co-workers. Tread carefully, okay??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2017): No heart.
It's for teens.
Show interest and see what happens.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 November 2017):
 No. No heart . You are not a teenager anymore, and coming from an adult this sort of " secret admirer " stuff would look inappropriate and , well, just weird.
You can un-distance yourself quite easily. Smile ! Engage him in conversation, ask him something about his workday or his last weekend, compliment him for his new ( coat, haircut, whatever )or for something brilliant he did at work. Just act warmer than you did so far, without overdoing it of course; it should be enough , without resorting to ... extreme measures like the heart thing.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (17 November 2017):
 I would find that a bit weird from an adult. You are in your 30s if your profile is correct, not a kid at school.
Why do you not just act friendly when you see him? Smile, acknowledge him, start up a conversation. That is the way adults normally instigate contact.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2017): Absolutely not! Guys like the chase. Let him chase you. However in order for this to happen, be a little more flirty. Dress up a little around the workplace, look your best and act a little interested but not too obvious. Maybe he has a girlfriend now? Who knows?
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (17 November 2017):
Not if he's distanced you. Try showing SOME (you know, a little bit of) interest and see what happens. Leaving a heart in his desk is something to save for the point your are either dating, or you just feel like being a psycho and want to totally freak him out and watch him run out of the building and then quit his job so he can totally avoid you from then on. This might be something a woman would like but guys are wired differently. He'll very likely wonder whats wrong with you...leaving a heart after distancing him. Start out a little less obvious. Start up a few conversations with him...ones that he'll find interesting and have opinions. If he was interested in your earlier, he'll likely come around without you having to do too much persuasion or doing something peculiar.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2017): I think it might come off as strange and offputting. Might. But why take that risk?
Being direct would be better. Or if you want to test the waters, do so up front, maybe talk to him and ask questions.
But given your age, going about it in passive secretive way is not the way to go. If you’re actually together or your close some other way, then by all means send a sweet little surprise. But not when you don’t even know if he “likes you.”
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