A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need your advice. I met this guy online and we've been gone to 8 dinners date. Our schedule had been very busy so for the last couple of weeks we hadn't been able to meet. I was out of town, then he had family issues, then I got sick.. The list goes on. I really like this guy, and I think we have a great chemistry. The first time we were intimate, it was a total disaster; but I think it was because he was nervous. After that we haven't been intimate and it's not because I don't want to give it another try; just that our work schedules had been off; at least for me. Last time we tried to get together, he had a family emergency and he cancelled on me; but I got really sick during that time also so I have to cancel on him the next day. Then, he last texted me that he was traveling for work and that "we should get together when he gets back"...... I din't replied; I figured he will set up a date for us to meet when he gets back but it's been over 2 weeks and I haven't heard from him. I know that our timing had been kind of off; but I am still interested. However, I am not the kind of woman who likes to initiate contact. I believe that if a guy really wants to be with you.... he will try the very best to reach out to me.My question is: it has been over 2 weeks since last text. Should I text him? What should I say? It's going to be 3 weeks. I don't know what to say to start a conversation now.....
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (30 December 2013):
 OP, if I had known you didn't trust this man I would never have suggested you contact him again, but what's done is done and it wasn't a disaster.
Even if you did trust him and if you hadn't already had sex with him, I'd say eight dinner dates is a bit soon to discuss exclusivity. The old fashioned way has been tried tested and proven true. Your exposure to risk should be proportionate to how well you know him and how secure you think you are.
I wouldn't expect a man to cancel other plans to see me (nor would I cancel mine to see him), but I would expect a man who claims to want a relationship to have enough free time on his calendar to allow for one.
Don't invest too much here. Take it very slowly and see where it goes. If it doesn't go anywhere after a couple of weeks, walk away.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,Thank you for your advice. I will be honest, one of the reasons I never texted him to confirmed was exactly because I didn't see things moving forward in terms of being able to see each other more and I just gave up on it. I also felt a little skeptical about him; I don't really trust him. His stories don't match up sometimes. But, I really like this guy and I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. I took your advice and I texted him. He texted me back in an hour and wanted to see me last night. We went out and we caught up. But, he is not available friday, saturday or sunday; see here we go again. If you really want to see the person; he will cancel anything on his agenda to see me. We talked about being exclusive previously and he brought it up to the conversation last night. I was like "are we still exclusive here?".. he was like "yeah, I am still exclusive". He says he still not seeing anyone. After so much time with no contact; I assumed we weren't exclusive anymore, and him not being available, I can't waste my time. I actually went in a couple of dates during this time, but I didn't mention it to him. After last night, we are back to being exclusive; but if he is not available on the weekends and he is going out of town on tuesday for two weeks. What am I suppose to do? Wait for him? We'll see.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (26 December 2013):
Nor, it appears are you the kind of woman to respond when a man you really like contacts you.
You could have said 'Sounds good. You know where to find me. Let me know when you're back and we can set something up' and then left it up to him to follow through. If he didn't then you could have just moved on.
As far as he's concerned you're angry with him for breaking your plans. He may have accepted your being sick, but now in hindsight he might suspect you did that out of spite. He has no reason to think otherwise.
In fact if he'd been the one writing in we'd have told him you weren't interested and to leave you alone.
If you want to at least try to salvage this then you should send him a text. 'Hi, I hope you had a happy Christmas. It would be nice to get together. Let me know when you're free and we can set something up.' After that don't send him any more. Leave the ball in his court and if he doesn't respond, move on without another word.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 December 2013):
 He might be flaking out on you... but, more probably, I think, by not replying to his last message you have taken the wind off his sails. I guess he took your silence as meaning " Get together again ? Ha, you wish ! "
Think about it from his perspective. The first time is a disaster, sexually. He wants to try again, but he has to cancel, then you have to cancel. He says " we'll get together when I come back ... " which might perhaps be a cop out for " exit scene left ", but more probably was a way to find out if you are still interested. he expected you to reply " Sure, excellent. Hit me up when you come back ! ". Instead... total silence. A guy who just gave a terrible sexual performance may draw the weong conclusions from that, i.e., that you want to be left alone.
Now, normally, I would think like you- that if someone is really interested, he'll show it without any prodding. But in this case , circumstances are a little different, I may be wrong but if I had been him I would have expected at least an " OK ,cool " . So I guess you should initiate contact, ask him how was his trip, etc.etc- or maybe even telling him upfront, my schedule has cleared up now, when can we meet ?. Unluckily this is the only way , I think, to find out if he lost interest, or if it was a simple misunderstanding.
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