A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in the midst of my first major disagreement with my husband, and it's such a silly one I really have no idea what to do. We've been married for 6-7 months, we really just arent confrontational people so we've never argued before since we just mutually agreed that if we disagree we'll "debate" but never "fight". Usually we just let things go till we forgetAnyway, his little cousin(19, I love her but seriously, she acts more of a "16" even by her own accounts) got a traffic violation today. Her license plate light was out. The cops pulled her over (into our driveway since she really was already right in front of the house). She starts getting out of the car, so ofc they yell at her and such till she gets back in. She doesn't have a license, just a permit, and no one in the car had one. Anyway, my husband goes outside... next time he comes in he's getting pen and paper for a badge number cuz he's upset with the cops. The cops were "abusing the law" in his words and being very rude and such as some cops seem.Long story short, she has to go to court and stuff.So he's so heated about this, as is everyone else in their family (we live with his cousins and aunt). And I'm just so frustrated and sort of angry... She broke the law! twice! Why does no one seem to care about that but everyone is mad that the cops were rude/ acting frivolous?So he says some stuff about her having to go to court and how wrong it is, and I say "she broke the law." So he brushes that off because its a such a small pointless law, and wants to know why cars need that light on the license anyway since cops have headlights.I'm so frustrated cuz, that's not the point! The point is no one is acknowledging the fact that she was wrong... which is probably part of why she acts so immature all the time.Yeah... so like I said, it's sorta silly but I'm really angry... then I heard them recapping the situation like a sports game.. and kept calling the cops crackers. (we're all african american, and I'm guessing the cops were white) WHY IS THIS OK? If anyone shaped their lips to speak the N-word to any of them, there would be a lawsuit... and I've never heard him ever talk about someone that way and I'm mad he didn't ask them not to. I feel like I can't "debate" my way out of this one, because it's less of a disagreement and more of me just being angry... really don't know what to do, been just avoiding him and trying to calm down and remember the good in people lol.To give the story perspective, we have been pulled over SEVERAL times before. Things like they thought they smelled weed... lol no real violations, and all were false. So tbh, we are sorta of the opinion that cops around here are really racist. His aunt got a deal from her employer as a housekeeper so he leases us one of his houses so we live in a 95% White, sorta affluent neighborhood. Oh, and I'm sure my pregnancy hormones aren't helping me be rational much either :)
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 January 2014):
 Yes, she broke the law , no debate- but you say the cops were YELLING at her ? And being very rude ? ...And you have no issue with that ? ...
I am a very law abiding type, but - cops are supposed to protect and serve, right ?, not to harass and abuse. If this girl broke the law, she needs to be charged, prosecuted, fined , given community service or even be sent to jail according to what the law states for her infraction- not to be humiliated or mistreated . Police are supposed to enforce the law, not to take it into their own hands . So, I think your husband did well to take their badge number and would be totally justified in filing an official complaint.
That, regardless,- without even touching the racism angle. Which, alas, is a possibility. I remember , many years ago, I read on the L.A Times, that the black husband and coach of black athlete Florence Griffith Joyner had been stopped, pulled over, frisked etc.etc... in our neighborhood for driving " suspicious "... i.e. shifting lanes very often at every least chance... i.e..... what every single European driver does authomatically, because of sheer habit. My husband was the king of swift, sudden lane changing- but , he was a WHITE guy driving a fancy car, so he never got pulled even once. Now, a black guy driving a fancy car does the same , and the cops are all over him at once... makes you think, doesn't it ?
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (3 January 2014):
 Congrats on your pregnancy. What I'm getting here is that his anger, and the anger within your family is not related to this single incident, but a built up, explosive anger from what your family has experienced in the past, and thus using this incident as the trigger that has caused your husband and others to release this anger they've been holding in.
I agree with you that she violate the law, and I agree with him that this is a stupid law whereas whether or not the light is working doesn't pose any real purpose to society. As far as calling the cops cracker, racism cannot be solved by taking part and making racial slurs and comments to others. That's taking part in the problem instead of being part of the solution by not making such comments.
Although the law is stupid, she did violate it and has to accept the consequences of doing so.
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