A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:We have been dating for a semester. He was an exchange student from France and now he went back (he is not in Paris). I'm going to France in a week as an exchange student but in a city quite far from his. And he will begin an internship. We have talked about this many times but we decided to end the relationship and become friends. Well, more likely he wanted it that way. He said he has been in long distance relationships and it never worked for him, and he is in the last year of college so he should focus on getting the job he wants. He says it really is not me but him wanting to be in full concentration getting a job and everything, and I know he is a very ambitious person. And he said even if we do get into a long distance relationship, he won't be able to give me 100% like he used to and it will hurt me and him both. I thought that when a guy really likes a woman, he will do anything, but I guess he didn't like me that much or something. Actually throughout the relationship I've always felt like I'm more into him than he is into me. Anyways, we have become friends since 2 weeks ago. Before he left, he made many promises, like he wants me to come to his city and visit him, he comes to the city where I will be, or we go to Paris together and look around. He even promised me that he will try his best to get some days off in February or March when most college students in France gets a ski break or something, and he wants to go on a vacation with me then. And he told me this week he might sign the contract and he promised that we will talk about this together when he's negotiating holidays. But he hasn't talked to me about it, and in fact he hasn't talked to me that much since he left. I know he is with his parents and he doesn't have a 3G yet, and I know very well that he is not a texting person, but I'm worried maybe all his promises are just never going to happen and he just moved on right after he left this country. I have been so looking forward to going to France especially to all the plans we made together even though we are not in a relationship. I don't know if I should ask him first if he's gonna get any days off, or maybe just forget about it if he doesn't ask, since if he doesn't that would mean he doesn't want it anymore or he couldn't get holidays or whatever. I've never been friends with ex boyfriends and I don't know how far I should trust his words. When we were dating he was very honest person and he kept his words, but I feel like things changed so much so quickly on the contrary to what he said he would before he left. I'm not even sure if I should stay being his friends anymore. I feel like I don't want to lose him, but he has changed quite a lot and I realized I don't really like this person that he has become. I feel quite stupid that I trusted everything he said. But I still make hopes for myself or try to make excuses for him. Should I just delete him from my life or keep hoping for something that might or might not happen? Should I face him and talk to him about this? But for now the only way to talk to him is texting and we both don't like long text messages, and I know this is going to be long if it should happen. What is your advice for me?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 January 2014):
 Forget about it. The guy has dumped you- elegantly, charmingly and diplomatically as the Frenchman he is :)- but, for him it was a nice parenthesis that now is concluded. He won't do long distance and now it's " me time " for him. That's crystal clear. I am sure he'd like to fit you in somehow somewhere... IF he can effortlessy and if it's not inconvenient at all. But do not expect more than that. It wasn't a promise , like "I swear solemnly I'll do X, cross my heart and hope to die " . I bet it was, and he meant it as , a " wouldn't it be nice if we could do X and Y and Z ? Yeah, nice... we'll do that... IF it happens ".
Btw, I don't understand what he would be " negotiating " about holiday time. In France , school winter break is the same for all kind of schools , schools ( and colleges ) just CLOSE , and the dates are known with huge advance . There's nothing to figure out or negotiate. ( Just for the record ,this year it's going to be either March 1st to 17 , or Feb. 22nd to March 10th, or Feb. 15th to Marrch 2nd according to geographical zones A, B, C ) .
Anyway, will you let your crush prevent you from enjoying your experience abroad and getting out of it all the fun , enjoyment ( and knowledge too, of course :) that you can ?. Do you want stay home and brood about Mr. French Leave hoping he'll show up, ... or do you want enjoy the food, the sights, the language, art, history , fashion music culture and people ? ( which will include lots of other cute French guys too. Just saying. )
Look, it was nice and romantic and passionate .. till it lasted, it just was not meant to be a forever thing. Be thankful that you lived this pleasant time with him , and do not let anxiety and expectations ruin what can be another wonderful exciting time even without him.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (6 January 2014):
 He has already let you know that he doesn't want a relationship, he has told you he wants to concentrate on building his future, and he has told you he cannot give a relationship 100%.
Stop making excuses for him, and stop building your hopes and dreams around what he might or might not do.
I think you should accept he will be very busy and don't bank on him for anything. Focus instead on getting as much experience as you can from your time in France as an exchange student, get to know the people you meet, soak up the culture, make new friends, have fun, and if you do happen to catch up with him at some stage just view it as an added bonus to an already exciting adventure.
He is concentrating on him and what he needs to do, and it is also time for you to concentrate on YOU!
I hope you have a fabulous time in France, make lots and lots of very special memories and taste as many different cultural experiences as you can.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, princessjasmine  +, writes (6 January 2014):
I'd say do what he's doing. He's making all the decisions here and he's showing control over you. You need to move on from this b/c it's detrimental to your health and well being if you constantly hold on to someone who isn't close to you or showing you an effort, Words are just words to be nice or keep you on a hook. Only you can get yourself off that hook by letting go and trusting God/the universe (whatever you believe.) Let it be and let him go. He's not worth the effort especially since he's so far away. If it is meant to be it'll be VERY obvious and right now, it is so vague and difficult. You're going to a new place and you'll meet new people. HOlding on to him won't help you meet new people and gain new, exhilarating experiences. Just enjoy life and cut him out.
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