A
female
age
36-40,
*ellow84
writes:Hi,I need help with my love life. Ive been with my boyfriend for over 4 years but it was very on and off relationship with us always arguing. We moved in together last year and not been getting along so i decided to finish it last week. I though it was right decision but now not sure!! I miss him loads and dont want to break up. All my family and friends say it was right decision but im not sure. He wants to get back together but it giving me space to decide. What do you think? Am i only wanting him now as we have split up and i miss him and should just move on?? Or should i give it another try and ignore everyone else??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (30 January 2007):
 4 years is a long time to be with someone. He's probably been your only serious boyfriend, he's been a big part of your life and now that you've broken up with him you are frightened of the future... the unknown and I can totally understand that. But think about it, think about the bad times, the arguments, the disagreements, the nights you cried yourself to sleep and how unhappy he made you feel at times. Is this REALLY how you want to continue?
You gave it a good go with him, 4 years is a good innings but in the end it wasn't meant to be, simple! You need to listen to your family and friends, they've been there for you all through your relationship, they've seen you when you've been down and they obviously think you've made the right choice. The hardest part is over, you've broken up with him, now you need to get your life together again WITHOUT him there and THAT can be difficult because for the past year you've lived together.
Go out with your friends, take up a new hobby, do something you've always wanted to do but didn't have the time for. The pain WILL lessen and your confidence and self esteem will return. You're just a bit fragile just now love but I think you've made the right decision and you'll be absolutely fine, trust me here.
If you want to talk about this some more just email me and we can talk some more okay?
Eve
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2007): Id go with your family and friends on this one. You sound kinda blinded by emotion rite now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2007): I agree totally with Irish. You family and friends see the person that sometimes you can never see because you are blinded by the light of love, which isn't always a good thing. Stay away and get strong. What you are harking back to is probably familiarity. What you need to remind yourself of is the arguements and the unsettled feelings inside of yourself. Time is a great healer and you will get over him. Just give it time. Be strong. Go out there and be with friends and family and live life!
Take care
xx
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A
female
reader, appygal81  +, writes (30 January 2007):
 well look at it this way, you say it was an on again off again relationship. If it keeps failing, why do you keep going back? Do you like the feeling of a failing relationship? i never believed in second chances. I say if it didnt work out the first time there was a reason it didnt work out. So whats to say it will work out the second time. Life is short and most people dont have the time to play the in and out game. keep you chin up and listen to your family. From personal experience family is right about a guy.....trust me, my ex hubby is good solid prof of that, my family hated him but well i married him anyway. I am now divorced, so u can see where it landed me.
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A
female
reader, Tanyas247 +, writes (30 January 2007):
 I'd say think of it as a new exciting chance to be drama-free. You sound intelligent, and you obviously ended it for a reason. Don't weaken yourself to step backwards. Go back to that moment you decided to end it. Change is positive, and you knew it at that instant you decided to make one. Keep your chin up, as time will pass and you will realize your family and friends saw something that was holding you back. It is a true issue of love coming from them, and not from your embattled relationship.
Best of Luck
Tanya
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2007): Listen to your family and friends. They love you and have deep concerns. They are not blinded by the romantic thrall of love for this guy, like you are. Sit with them and tell them what you are going through. You really need their input, support and rationale to make a decision, for your future happiness. If you both have been dating for 4 years, it's plain to see that your bf and you spent many times around your family and friends. So your family and friends have had ample opportunity to assess him and decide what kind of person he is, for you. Naturally, you also want to ensure you will have a happy future with someone who is committed and loves you. It's just been a week, you are experiencing some misgivings because your emotions are fragile. You need to recoup and get your strength back. If you go back to him, will you have happiness and peace? Because your weakened emotions are in a whirl, you are doing battle in your mind with nature and nurture. Us gals are famous for doing this. We all want to settle for the fantasy of love, security and attachment, no matter the cost. You are searching really hard for redeeming qualities in this man, but not remembering what it 'really' like being with him. You are feeling the loss for your dream, those rare moments with him, when life was good, it was fun and pleasant. Sadly a good relationship is not lived moment by moment...it's all about commitment and totality. So, always remember, why you split up with him. Therein lies the answer as to whether you should go back or not. Remember, your family and friends see him, as he truly is and they love you and want you to be happy. You are much too vulnerable and weakened right now. See this through for a few more weeks and whatever you do...do not contact him. You need to believe in yourself, you need to gain back your heal and recover.
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