A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for over two years. We don't live together.We were at a friend's house the other day and there was a bit of an argument between myself and my other half. He wasn't being particularly nice and even told me to p*** off in front of out friends.My friend said that she thought the sex between us must be really hot and he replied quite bluntly that no, it's not. This really hurt me.He has hardly complained before. Only once he mentioned that he was a bit bored...though he never gave any indication of what else he would like in bed.I thought our sex life was very good, satisfying. Additionally, he always seems to enjoy it very much.I have said to him that as I'm not a mind reader, he must say what he wants and he agrees.However, this has kind of put me off sex and we haven't made love since he said that. He hasn't apologised for what he said in front of our friend.I am, though, up for trying anything new and am adventurous (in some ways, more than him)I am nervous as to how to approach this situation.What do you think?
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female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (31 January 2007):
You need to confront him. He has insulted in an extemely mean and hurtful way. This could really damage your confidence and it obviously has started to. If he doesnt give you a more than satisfying apology and doesnt tell you why he doesnt enjoy sex (you must ask him what the problem with it is) then you must SERIOUSLY consider leaveing him. Hes obviously an absolute ignorant and arrogaunt man, and you must slap him down from his dilirious world of thinking hes so dam great. Could he have said that because hes having an affair with the friend and has told her he doesnt enjoy his sex life with you. He may have said it for some reason he hasnt been telling you. Like i said, if he doesnt give a more than satisfying apology and reason for saying what he did, i suggest you tell him sex wasnt that great for you either because hes not big enough/doesnt know how to use it.
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (30 January 2007):
 Pick your time and talk about it and let him know he hurt you deeply saying something as insensitive as he did (but say it, get it over with and be done with it, don't labour the point.) Go up to bed and sit in bed together and bring up the conversation. Ask him what turns him on and what he would love you to do to him, then you can tell him. Talking together like this can be a real turn on and can help you bond closer together.
Set a "date" in your mind of when you want to seduce him, set the scene in the bedroom by lighting some candles and putting on some soft music, have some massage oil close by and make sure you look and smell terrific. Wear sexy lingerie and just go for it, fulfil his deepest fantasy!
Eve
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2007): What your boyfiend did by saying that was very disrespectful and somewhat abusive, that is no way to make things better between the sheets.
I think since some time has passed, you should sit him down and tell him exactly how that hurt you and ask him to repeat back in his words just what you said to him so that it forces him to understand and pay attention. This is called reflective listening....and you need to ask him what the problem is with your sex life and listen to what he has to say, and then say I hear you think or feel that...put it back in your own words so he has a chance to correct you if you don't get it....open communication is the best thing here, and make sure he offers a heart felt apology, and your feelings should return in time.
As far as making sex better, I think sometimes just reading about it (rather than looking at porn for answers, no one really has sex while propped up on a mortorcycle or standing on one leg with the other up in the air, this is all done for viewing angle of the private bits, Yes I have seen porn before..) and some new techniques can be fun, and you will like the work, darn it.
Remember sex starts in the brain, if you or your lover are not happy with each other out of the bedroom, then it will follow you there, and try a little romance, men need that, too.
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