A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, need some wide spread opinions here.I'm male, and 23yrs, living with my folks, I have 3 older sisters who have married and moved out. Our folks refuse the concept of moving out of the house, saying why move out and pay rent when you can stay with us, and the house is so big...etc etcThen they emotionally blackmail you.I'm close with my mom and dad, but especially my mom, as she has now clinched onto me for dear life, since my sisters have left the house.I'm self employed, but I don't have any partner, also because I have my priorities on my business and another is to admitt that I am scared of getting hurt, and also because I am confused about my sexuality, of which [no one knows anything, I've called the metrosexual, and a real catch for the ladies, however I always put the blame on work as to why I haven't found my apparent "girlfriend", and cover up my confusion very well from my family as they are anti-gay].My mother and I are very similar, and do lots of things together and whenever we go out or have something to do we go together because we're both involved with that situation, and I sort out situations very qickly.I take her to different places, restaurants, we go shopping and have a good time, I give her the attention that My dad fails to give her.Some people say you can see that I'm a "mommy's boy" and that I take care of my mom, AND RECENTLY, I went out with my mom, and we were chatting with a sales rep and she said, "ah you can see he's a good son, and he is his mommy's boy"Now how far can that go, from being a simple compliment or friendly gesture, as apposed to being a "the real mommy's boy" when a son can't function without his mom controlling him?When do you see that it's turing into the "mommy's boy" [the bad and awkward way], as I am close to her, and I have fun when we go out, but I don't want to be seen as the "mommy's boy" with the negative implications.Thank you.
View related questions:
moved out Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tanyas247  +, writes (2 February 2007):
 I am the middle sister in the same situation. My younger brother, being surrounded by girls, is questioning his sexuality and independence.
I know how much guilt a parent can inflict. I also know that they will never let go if they have a choice. You are a grown man, ready to mature and make his own way in the world. Just because you love your mother and don't want to hurt her does not make you a 'mommy's boy', but it WILL make you unhappy staying at home much longer. It is a 'right-of-passage' that we move out and struggle and learn things on our own. Our parents can only provide us with so much before we must venture out and experience for ourselves.
I suggest approaching your loving mother and explaining that you are struggling with being so dependent on them. They will say 'it's alright, we don't mind', but the truth is that YOU mind. One must earn their own pride in life, and while too much is not good, being robbed of the chance to make it on your own is unhealthy for you.
While she has good intentions, your mother is ultimately trying to keep her 'baby' at home so she has someone to take care of. She is likely concerned that she won't have anything to do if you leave. Since you two are close, try to understand her view as you explain yours. You must be strong and steady, not allowing the guilt to keep you somewhere you don't want to be. Life is ours to make, and while we appreciate our parents, there is a time when they must respect us and our desires. After all, they are the ones who raised us! They should feel proud that their children want to succeed and work hard to get there.
Best of Luck
Tanya
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (30 January 2007):
 You are your own person. Don't listen to what ANYONE says! You do what you feel is right for YOU! Do you like living at home? Is it more convenient? Do you manage to get some time out to yourself living there? Do you crave some solitude and more space to work and think? Can you afford to get a place of your own? You need to ask yourself all these questions and do what YOU want to do. Forget everyone else. Laugh off their comments and reply by saying at least I can save as I'm not paying a fortune on rent and bills like you are and change the subject. Don't be ruled by other people, you do your own thing.
Your mom and you sound very close and you seem to be a good friend as well as a son to her and if you moved out, of course she'd miss you and what's more, reading your letter you seem to enjoy doing things together with her so don't stop that if you don't want to. You only have one mother and she won't be there forever.
There are advantages (having meals cooked, washing done, less to pay for digs) and disadvantages (no space to be alone, can't bring friends over freely, no privacy) to living with parents, you have to decide for yourself whether or not you want to move out but it must be YOUR decision and not one you feel pushed into by friends.
As for your sexuality, that will sort itself out with time, when you're ready to explore that. Just be YOU love, that's the main thing, whether you prefer men or women, you're still the same wonderful person inside and at the end of the day THAT'S WHAT COUNTS! ;o)
Let me know if I can be of any more help to you.
Eve
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2007): do not lisen to any-one if they call you a mumys boy, infact people who tend to make fun of other people living with their parents are those that infact wish they could be the same. i know my friends live with their parents and noone is calling them mumzy boy/girl. soo forget what the people are calling you or they say, live with your parents until you feel your ready to move out do not rush
...............................
A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (30 January 2007):
 Don't think so much about what other people say, think about how you feel. If you have a good time hanging out with your mother, then it's good. If you feel like you are being controlled by her, then it's not so good.
I guess there's nothing wrong with living at your parents' place if they want you to be there, it's just that I sense from what you write that you have considered moving and I think it's a good thing to do at your age. You would be able to explore your identity and your sexual preferences more freely than if you had lived at your parents place.
With your sisters being out of the house I can understand your mother trying to keep you there, it's a big change for the parents when the children leave, but she needs to let you go. Tell her that you will still spend time with her, you will just not live in the same house as them.
I wish you the best of luck, and feel free to PM me if something I wrote was unclear =)
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 January 2007):
 I think if you can afford it, you should find a place of your own. You can reassure the folks that you will be visiting often and that they can call you anytime if they need something. But maybe some time away from home is just the ticket for you to sort your love life out. Many mothers fear the empty nest scenario but they all survive it and it's just part of motherhood. You really would be doing them a favor as well as yourself.
...............................
|
