A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My 16yo nephew who is living with his grandparents is being verbally abusive towards them as well as my wife and her sister (his mother).This all started a few months ago when he decided he didn't want to live with his mother and her new husband (of 3 years) or his father.He refuses to do any chores, expects money and rides to the movies and the mall.What can be done? He is always saying f-this or f-that. You're f-ing stupid. We love him, but can't take much more of this. Neither my wife or myself have any children, so we feel we can't really step in except to tell him that he shouldn't say those things.Anyone have any suggestions?
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female
reader, violentviolet  +, writes (20 January 2008):
 The kid needs to be taught some respect. Everything that rcn says makes sense, and I think talking to him and empathising with him would be a good idea. Make sure he knows that someone cares. But thats not the same as letting him get away with swearing at you and being verbally abusive. That's the start of a slippery slope that could lead to much worse things. Let him know his grandparents have done a really nice thing for him by letting him live there, and he should be greatful to the them and treat them with the respect they deserve, or he could find himself back with his parents.
Chores and money/rides could be used as a currency between the nephew and the adults? He doesn't get his treats if he doesn't do his chores.
I don't suppose there's one answer as all kids are different. Sometimes you can do everything right and still things don't work out. However, its best to put your foot down now while things aren't so bad, rather than let them escalate.
All the best
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (19 January 2008):
 Look at his history. He's not living with parents. Mom has a new husband, who's not the father, and he chooses not to live with his father. A bit more history on why they got divorced, why kind of life was it living with both the father and mother. Why his mom's life is like living with this new person.
I think you have a nephew who's confused and angry. Confused could be many different reasons. Why did mom and dad split? Why did mom choose this new guy over me? Why didn't she ask me before getting married? etc.
Too often, we choose partners and date after a divorce or separation, without understanding what affect that may have on our children. I'm a single parent. I choose to remain that way, but I've talked with my children that if the special person comes, who I choose will not only be benefit to me, but equally or greater benefit to them.
I dated for a short time, and asked my daughter why she was so upset about it. She said, "I like it just being us."
My ex-wife has a boyfriend, they've been together for 11 years. I heard from my 11 and 13 year old daughters that she may be marrying him in August. I asked my 11 year old daughter, who generally says nothing bad about anyone, or doesn't cuss. "How do you feel about your mom getting married?" She said, "I don't like it." I asked her "Why?" She said because her mom's boyfriend is a "f**king retard". I asked her if she ever sits down with her mom and expresses her concern. She said "No, because mom would just say, that's the guy for her so live with it."
I think this child is acting out because of confusion or anger from the past or related to the confusion. Sometimes children will do so, not to be mean, but to be heard if they feel ignored in different areas. To a child, positive or negative attention doesn't matter to them, as long as they are receiving the attention.
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