A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I belong from a very conservative country where people still believe in caste and religion. I was in a relationship with this guy from last 4 years. He was from a higher caste than me. He always knew but he said he doesn't believe in all this and said he's a well educated guy and he doesn't follow all this crap. He was also very much involved with my family members and always assured them that he would only marry me.We were very good together. He was the Best BF. He would do anything to fulfill my needs. He just wanted me to be happy. We both were very much in love with each other.We were just about to get married for which he went to ask his parents. They disagreed with this relationship because of my lower caste. It was still ok....because we were prepared that this situation would arrive. He always said if he gets any negative sign from his parents the decision would be his. Again here i would like to add...that in our country we do take our parents consent before we get married.so we were struggling with the situation.all of a sudden one day he calls and says that he won't be able to marry because his parents are against it.When i asked him ...that the decision is yours....he said he can't go against his parents will.i was on a complete shock. i couldn't believe that this were his words. but later i found out that he got a proposal for marriage. the girl belongs to a very very rich family and she would be getting huge amount of money after marriage. i couldn't believe that he was sold out for money and would just give up his love on the middle of the way.I am completely shattered and still can't believe that this is happening to me. Now he refuses to talk to me or even take up my call. I find no way to get him back in my life.please suggest how can i get him back. i still love him and can't live without him. i still have a hope that he would come back...because he really loved me. i am so confused. what is that i can do to get him back? pls advice.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (20 January 2008):
 He is a filial son and he cannot simply run away with you to another country to get married.He has decided to marry this girl and there is no way he will be there for you . It would be better to treat your affair as a dream and move on without him.
What he said to you were just his own words but peer pressure undone it all. His love for you was not strong enough.You have to come to terms with his shallow love .
There is nothing you can do to get him back. His heart has turned to stone.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2008): hello,
i was just browsing and i came across your question. i am an indian girl from england..and i know how things in india work..so i kind of understood your situation.
i cant belive he met your parents and got to know youre family-how very selfish of him- i understand how it is a big deal to meet the parents, and when it comes to indian parents its even more difficult. Youre probably left with the feeling of embarrassment, not to mention the heartache.
Many indian kids know how important caste is to their parents ( even in this day and age) your boyf must have known that his parents were not going to let him marry you. He butterd you up, and kept you for 4 years, he promised you the world but backed out. My friend..he is not worth it.
If he is marrying this woman for money- then you are in luck-because it doesnt matter how much money he gets from this woman- he will never get honest true love-like you gave him.
One day when things get tough-he is going to remember you- he might even come back- and if you want my advise- i would slam the door on his face-never allow this man back in your life or your heart again.
the best thing you can do, is slowly get over him, it will be hard because of all the memories and what if's..but it will be worth it..when you marry someone..who treats you like a princess. Every girl is a princsess-whether she be high caste or low caste.
You never stated what your family said-but i probably imagine that you are feeling embarraseed because of his actions. Indian parents will just blame you for picking the wrong guy- and if i was you-i would lisen with one ear-and send it back out through the other!!
keep away from negative comments, keep away from him, focus on yourself and have faith:)
good things come to good people..you deserve it..please reply back and let us know if your ok..
god bless
friend...
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A
female
reader, Devilish Angel  +, writes (20 January 2008):
 Yes you can survive without him. You DO NOT need him. I understand about how important the whole caste thing is and how important family is in a relationship but its YOUR life, not theirs. If he really loved you, then he wouldn't have left you for a rich woman. Ask him and if he denies his love for you but not breaking up with the rich chick to marry you, then his love is worthless. Find a real man, not a boy.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (19 January 2008):
 You may live in a different country, and have different beliefs, but one thing that doesn't have different cultures is the chance of being treated bad.
I'd let it go. I'd find someone who will love you back the way you love them. Trading money for love generally doesn't happen, if the person is really in love. You say he did things to make you feel happy. That's good, but him doing so he can also misrepresent his true feelings to make you happy as well.
You sound like a wonderful person. Don't hope for his return. I he were too, there's a chance of him doing it all over again.
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A
female
reader, shadowcat +, writes (19 January 2008):
 Hmmm. This is a tough one.
Unfortunately the truth is that it will be very hard to get him back. If you can find a way to figure out where he goes when he goes out in order to talk to him it might help a little. (Do not expect much when and if you speak to him. Just stick to getting answers from him as to why the change of heart and why he won't stand up to his folks; try to find out if they simply want someone with more money.) Get him to commit to someone, and if he truly loves you back you and he will stand down his parents together and Ms. Moneybags will have to find somebody else...and damn the cost.
If he won't talk still, and if he was too weak to fight for you, then I hate to say it's possible it's not meant to be. Thus far he has proven himself to be cowardly, his parents (I suspect) greedy, and most of all has treated you like a used car-tell me, if he is supposedly of higher birth than you, then why do he and his family behave so badly that (as far as I can tell) THEY are nowhere near worthy of YOU? I do not know this man, but something tells me that if he cannot make his own decisions for himself and cannot face up to pressure he may not make a very good husband. (Marriages are not all roses and rainbows.)
If all falls apart, go ahead and cry a river. You'll need to; hell, a heart doesn't heal without wading through some tears first. Don't doubt your worth and don't ever take anyone too seriously about castes ever again (in my country such a system doesn't exist, and plenty of Indian daughters I have known have found their voice and married the man they loved...one man wasn't even Indian and disowning the girl in that case had no effect because the man she married made triple the money the man they had chosen for her husband did!!)
Hope it all turns out for the best.
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