A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 18 months now, I am 25 and he is 30- still living at home with his mum. He does hate living with her and Im never invited over there. Have slept there once. He stays at my place about 3 times a week, but then likes his own space and friends for the other nights.I want to move out with him. But he gets angry when I bring it up, he doesn't want to waste dead money on rent and says why cant we let these things just happen. Should I worry or just let it happen?
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (17 January 2008):
 Two examples. There are three main types of dependency. (1) dependent-relying on others (2) independent- doing on one's own (3) interdependent- working together to accomplish a common end result.
Second example: There are three types of people in this world, (1) those who make things happen, (2) those who watch things happen, (3) those who wonder what happened.
I agree with the other poster, he's not mature, and is apparently dependent on his mother. If you were to talk him into it, guess who the dependent behaviors transfer too?
Unless you are interested in playing the role of being his mommy, he's probably not the best choice to be with.
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (16 January 2008):
 Your b/f seems like he hasn't quite grown up just yet. Living with his mom is a sure sign of that. Most guys in this age bracket have long since moved out of their parents house and have their own pad, complete with a live-in girlfriend, maybe a dog etc. His mother may be adding to the problem by enabling him (laying guilt on him about who's going to take care of her, etc.etc) so the arrangement works out well for both of them. He never has to grow up and be on his own, and she never has to let go of her baby. You need to figure out how long you're willing to wait. In the meantime, you should consider renting that movie "Failure to Launch" and have him watch it with you. Maybe it'll open the door for an adult conversation about where he sees his life going and who does he think will continue to want to have this arrangement? You've already invested 18 months with him, and nothing has changed. It may be time to move on and find a big boy. Good luck.
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