A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been going out with my boyfriend for over 3 months now and we have become very close. I really care about him and he's nicer than any other man I have met. About a year ago he lost his girlfriend and he is very close to her sister who had set them up. She helped him through it and he texts her everyday and meets with her every week. I was fine with this bt one day he sent me a txt meant for her n it said dat he loved her in it. When I asked him about it he said I had nothing to worry about, shes in her 40's and he loves her as a friend. I trust him but at the same time I find it strange because he sends her the same kind of txts he sends me and recently I looked at his messages and they had been to the cinema and she had said something about not being sure if he minded holdin her hand in the cinema and she didn want to embarrass him. He stil says they are friends and he owes her alot but am I wrong for feeling upset by this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008): I just walked in your shoes and I've had enough. Been dating a guy for 3 months and he spends alot of time with his best friends girl. She comes to his house, text him, they go out together. It hit me when the 3 of us went to dinner, how he catered to her over me. It was hell nite! I told him his feelings are deeper for than me and it shows. He needs to talk to his friend about hooking up with her permanently. He's a nice guy... but that's all he means to me at this point. I learned that he opens up to her and she told me she knows all about me and him. What a fool I was and I'm done.
A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (19 January 2008):
 It would seem that you don't trust this guy - and I don't think anyone can trust someone they've dated for only three months really.
rcn is right, I think you've just stumbled upon a very close relationship which seems very strange because you don't find these bonds very often.
However I would try to talk to him about it but don't accuse him - say things like " I sometimes feel that you text so-and-so a lot and I really don't mind you texting her, but you have to realise that some of the things you say make me feel that you have feelings more than friendship for her, and that makes me feel sad because I care about you so much. I realise that she has been your rock when you've been in such a bad situation, but please, if you want to be in this relationship, or any relationship - this would seem weird to anyone you date."
Maybe you should write him a letter and tell him how you feel but may I just warn you that I wouldn't say " YOU HAVE BEEN..." or " I'M FED UP OF YOU DOING THIS ALL THE TIME!" you need to say " I feel that..." or " it would seem that..." because that way, you arn't accusing him, and he can't blame you for feelings a certain way.
I hope it all works out for you sweetheart.
xxx
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (19 January 2008):
 Yes and no. It's not OK to control who people are friends with and who they are not. It's OK for him to feel love for someone who really helped him out in this manner. That love is different from a love of a boyfriend, girlfriend. Holding his hand during a movie though, that's OK, but what is her intentions by it. Holding hands is a way of comfort for some, saying "i'll be there for you." If you were upset and crying, another male might give you a hug to comfort you. It doesn't mean the intentions would go any further than that.
So, what needs looked at is, even if you don't trust the sister, do you trust your boyfriend?
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