A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi, my husband and i have been married a couple of years and have recently had a new baby(4months).it was a significant birthday for him at the weekend and he asked if we could go to a pole dancing club, i said yes, though inside felt alittle hesitant, but i had openly expressed i was curious about them before so thought why not.He said he didnt want a lap dance but would love to pay for me to have one so he could watch.While we were there i disapeared of to the toilet and returned to find two workers chatting to him.They said they were doing a two for one offer and asked if we weanted one.He did.so off we were both lead to get simutanious dances.they swapped over and the second dancer was being very sergestive and dirty with me, which was fun.My husband would glance over and it was all smiles.however towards the end of my dance my lady was sitting on me and everything, so i looked to see if he was looking.however he was just sat there staring at his dancer on all fours showing him\everything.i was gutted.i might sound neive but i had no idea they got butt naked and touched you etc and shoved there bits in your face.i thought that was at a different sort of club.however evertything was fine and we had a nice time back home.however some 5 days later i find im feeling alittle hurt, upset and jealous over the attention he was paying towards that ladys bits and everything.in all honesty when he first asked i wasnt to happy about it but thought it would be nice to make his birthday special for him and he said he didnt want a lap dance himself.also i wanted to be the cool openminded wife i thought i was.....i am awear i have brought this on myself and i dont expect sympathy.i dont however have anyone to talk my feelings thru with and just wondered if anyones had something similar happens and how best i should deal with it.i know he loves me and all and he didnt touch the lady i just cant shake the feeling of seeing him watching this real live women.i never thought that would have happened and now im struggling to handle it.
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male
reader, wildman  +, writes (2 March 2008):
 I agree with rcn for the most part. Don't put too much thought into strip club lapdances. Its only about money for the most part, just a job. They try to appeal to whatever will get them more money and thats about it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): Hi Hunny,
You did a very nice thing for your husband trying to give him a good time on his b/d, You didnt no what you were going to see I expect you thought you would see some pole dancers and this would be great, These girls are paid to ask the client for a lapdance so to them its the money and two for the price of one its like tescos, I can understand why you are feeling the way you are now, You have just had a baby and as you glanced in your husbands direction you were hurt to see him looking so interested in this woman, Men are visual creatures hunny and after having your baby you may not feel your best at the moment, women are visual creatures as well I no alot of women who can admire both women and men best of both worlds :) Talk with your husband tell him of your feelings, This can show how although we want to please our men sometimes by fullfilling a fantasy that like people who get involved in another person joining them sexually and swapping partners and such things, it can harm a loving relationship. This wasnt to bad its done its gone and he loves you so Im sure he will listen to your worrys and understand. When you have spoken you will feel alot better, and if you want to suprise him hunny why not take pole dancing lessons its a great way to exercise and great for helping get your figure in great shape after having your baby all you need is a tall lamp at home take it from me it works wonders in many ways TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOTS OF LOVE MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, cyprus_gal +, writes (18 January 2008):
ok well put it this way he went with you. was with you and he didnt do anything with her correct i took my bf to a strip club for his bday and lets say i was a little bit gelous after but he went with me hun dont get your head full of ideas i know loads of people who would dump there gal for the night and go with there friends but he went with yoiu dosent that answer your questions
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (18 January 2008):
 All though it was erotically based. You both did it just for fun, no extended attachment to the ladies. Your jealousy comes from you, not the situation. You just had a baby and now there's an erotic dancer naked. I think with the new baby, you may feel a bit inadequate, which causes the jealousy you feel.
My advice to you is (1) talk your feelings out with the hubby. (2) time for you to give him a lap dance yourself.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (18 January 2008):
All though it was erotically based. You both did it just for fun, no extended attachment to the ladies. Your jealousy comes from you, not the situation. You just had a baby and now there's an erotic dancer naked. I think with the new baby, you may feel a bit inadequate, which causes the jealousy you feel.
My advice to you is (1) talk your feelings out with the hubby. (2) time for you to give him a lap dance yourself.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (17 January 2008):
 I think you need to talk about this with your hubby. tell him you realise that you were into the whole thing as well so you are definitely not blaming him. But also tell him that it has made you really uncomfortable, and you feel it has created doubts in your head which will need time to repair.
This story acts as a cautionary tale to couples who think their relationship's are so strong they can handle anything, i.e. swingers parties and the like. O.K your experience wasn't couple swapping but it was sexually intimate in a way and it touched a raw nerve.
Don't let it become an issue between you, but discuss your feelings with your husband just to let him know that you would never be comfortable with him doing this again.
Good luck.,
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