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female
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*looregard
writes: My uncle is ruining our lives. He (Let's just call him "Bob") lives on the same street as us and he is becoming absolutely unbearable. I have felt increasingly suicidal due to this man and he is making me ill. I do not want to be related to him as he has upset pretty much EVERYONE in our town. I cut myself because of him. I think it is better if I make this into a list:1) Another uncle currently staying at our house. He detests "Bob" seeing as "Bob" stole his fiance years ago and is still with her! It is thanks to "Bob" that his 15 year old son does not want to see him as "Bob" has bad mouthed my other uncle in order to justify him sleeping with his ex-fiance.2) He is a born again christian, I am agonstic yet I respect his religion and do not say offensice things about it. He has the nerve to criticise me for having a sex life -AT AGED 21, A GROWN WOMAN! He says I lead an immoral life even though I am wholly in love with my boyfriend of over a year, why can't he stop calling me a whore?!! It's perfectly OK to sleep with his brother's fiance yet he brings up my loving, healthy relationship all the time just because I am not christian and not married. 3) A 13 year old boy was murdered a few blocks away from us and he keeps upsetting the neighbours and us by saying "everything happens for a reason, God let him die in case he became a murderer later in life" I am truely starting to worry for his sanity, and I'm afraid he will get hurt if the boy's family overhears what he has been saying. He is putting our entire family in danger with his big mouth!4) He drink drives down our street on a regular basis and my Dad is fed up of re-parking his car in order to stop him being arrested. My grand mother had to go to hospital recently and he drove there swigging at a can off beer. He will be the death of my Grand mother, she worries so much about him.5) My sister may be autistic and he blames her behavior on "devils" I have supposedly let into our house by not being a christian and listening to rock music. He recently said our whole family would be better off if my sister were dead. He constantly frightened me as a kid by talking about how it was up to me to save my SEVEN year old sister from Hell and if she went there it would be my fault. She may be disabled for God's sake! He encourages my parents to beat her unconcious, but they would never, ever do that, and he calls them bad parents for not being a violent thug like he is.6) He recently tried to physically attack a stranger for hanging up on him regarding something he was selling in the paper and drunkenly drove his car down the road trying to find them, verbally abusing strangers and asking if they wanted to be beaten up...he was arrested and cautioned, but this has not stopped him drink driving or fighting people he has never met before!!7) He thinks angels and devils appear to him and gets agressive when people do not believe him. Although he is an ex LSD user and won't accept his "visions" are probably flash-backs of an LSD trip.8) He does not know that I know about him sleeping with his brother's fiance, and keeps firmly on the moral high ground about my sex life just because he thinks I don't know about his traitorous behavoir.9) He bullied my Grand Mother into signing a will leaving everything to him. My Gran is afraid he will become violent if she changes the will, she desperately wants to though.10) He even criticises my eating habits (the sin of gluttony he calls it) even though I am a diagnosed bulimic, my mother is too afraid of him to tell him he has crossed the line.He has stayed away since my other uncle moved in obviously, but he keeps worming his way back into our family when he needs beer money or help. Men have turned up at our house looking for him and nearly assaulted my father who has a heart condition!!! My father is a good person who has never attacked anybody in his life yet my uncle keeps putting him in jepoardy. I am truelly at a loss. I don't want to kill myself but things just keep getting worse. I have even thought about looking in to getting him sectioned because he is a danger to people around him. He is now drinking in the morning, and I'm afraid he may be hurting my cousin. He has already taken his Dad away from him and turned his mother into an alcholic, he still lives with his mother and messes up her house with his alcoholic fits at aged 41. These suicidal feelings creep up on me sometimes because I hate living in fear of what he is going to do next, what really doesn't help is us being stared at for being related to "the town nutjob" although we have done nothing wrong. I keep getting chest pains and can't sleep. I am a self-harmer and he drives me to it just when I think I'm getting better. He calls ME "sick in the head" and "needing spiritual healing" because I am manic depressive and I'm starting to wonder how much of my childhood depression was his fault. He even suggests God gives me my depression on purpose because I'm not a christian, it hurts me so much when he says that because in my weaker depressive moments he makes me feel like I deserve the lows I go through.What can I do if anything to stop this man ruining more lives and possibly ending mine? Is his behavior cause for anyone to think about getting him sectioned because I honestly am afraid of who he will hurt in the future, including himself. Please help, I'm not sure if I can take much more of his harmful behavior.Please help.
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alcoholic, bullied, christian, cousin, disabled, drunk, fiance, his ex, money, moved in, neighbour, sex life, violent Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Blooregard +, writes (18 January 2008):
Blooregard is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree with you there, going to church every Sunday so that you can act how you like the rest of the week is missing the point altogether! My uncle does indeed do this as you say, he's nice to the priests but as soon as he gets home it's like he forgot every single rule of his religion!
I'm worried about him injuring someone with the drink-driving habit and that volatile temper of his, my point about getting the priests involved would be a bad idea, I meant that he would not show his true colors to them but with a doctor they could mentally assess him...God knows how that will come about though!
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (16 January 2008):
 I'm not trying to get you to switch faiths, just to get you to understand Christians are not going to come to your house, light a bush on fire and tell you they found a burning bush in your yard.
Speaking in tongues. A pastor at my church witnessed the miracle once. There was a U.S. citizen, who didn't know how to speak another lanquage, sitting next to a muslim who was invited by a friend. Half way through the serman, the U.S. citizen stood up and began translating the serman in arabic. When asked about it, he couldn't remember that secion of church.
About the boy who passed. Life sometimes doesn't make sense of why things happen. I just believe where the bible says, we'll go through challenges and some of them will be firey challenges. It's not the challenge itsself that matters, it's how we overcome it.
There's a 11 year old girl in my town, Hope. She is such a beautiful person. Beautiful singing voice. I bought her CD to donate to medical expences. She had bone cancer, went through surgery, and recovered. Her cancer came back but as a fast moving, rare and incurrable lukemia. The doctor says she has only weeks. She was offered radiation treatment to slow it down while the doctors researched what could be done. After the hard time she had watching her father's life be taken away by radiation, she told her family she's going to refuse treatment. She said "I place my life in God's hands." She has such a deep religious faith, our pastor says it's almost like a teen secret crush that she won't reveal to anyone. I'll tell you, listning to her sing is amazing.
I know you mentioned what can come out of tragedy. For me it's appreciation. Living every day, building relationships, and being greatful for those I spend time with, and for my children.
Now that was what I was talking about, being two faced. He's nice infront of the church folks. I grew up in a real small, everyone knows everyone town. Part of the reason I got out of the Catholic church was for people who go to church, smile, sing, then for the rest of the week you knew who as having affairs, beating their kids, kicking the dog, etc. Then they go to church say sorry, and figure "forgiven" I have room for more sin. I know exactly what you're saying. But treating his mom that way.
I've heard of bad apples in a family, but your uncle really takes the prize on that one. I really do wish your family luck with all this. Just remember when you do anything, plan it out, but positiv and negative, then set plans to counter the negative that may come from it.
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A
female
reader, Blooregard +, writes (16 January 2008):
Blooregard is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do appreciate people taking time to read my question, but the issue is not actually my relationship with God. I wish people could understand that I don't want to become like my uncle and do all the horrible things he does and excuse them away by being "a christian who receives visions" No, that is not the only reason I'm agnostic, I rely more on science than anything and I believe a little skepticism is healthy for anyone.
The pastor idea, we did try that actually, under the guise of the whole family needing healing in case he flew off the handle. My uncle is quite clever here as he is very calm and collected in front of the priests (distant family friends) and does not say horrible things to my Gran in front of them, but as soon as they are out of the door he is over with that woman, turning his nephew against his father and driving my Gran to hospital drunk off of his face.
A restraining order I agree would not do much good for a different reason, he lives on the same street as us! In answer to the drinking/LSD questions he took LSD in the 90's and has been drunk for about ten years now (including drinking in the morning).
I am actually afraid of this "divine intervention" suggestion as I think he has suffered enough delusions of grandeur to last a life time. That is a part of his brain I think could be dangerous to toy with I mean someone convinced him he was speaking in tongues once and he came over our house and wouldn't stop screaming about it! (In English.)
To the second poster...I appreciate you have a belief in something, but I cannot under any circumstance see how a 13 year old boy being murdered could serve somebody "a greater opportunity" in God's eyes. Sure, him being in heaven sounds like a good idea, but what about his family, the pain they are going through. But as you say this is not the focus.
I'm thinking about calling the police the next time he drink drive...on the one hand, that could provoke him so much to violence. Yet on the other hand he could run somebody over, so it would be best to call the police...that could possibly be somewhat of a wake up call. I'm still trying to find out how to get him sectioned because I really do believe somebody could get hurt.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (16 January 2008):
First of all, find out who Grandma's executor is, send them a letter explaining the intimidation and pressure to enter it, this will invalidate the will. A will has to be entered into of the maker's own free will, free from intimidation.
Second, I'm Christian and I'm going to judge you harshly. DO NOT cut yourself because of someone else's behavior. Take a moment to think about it. You're left with a scar, and pain, and he's still acting the same way. It doesn't change anything. Don't consider suicide. If not for you, for those you love. How one act can permanently change the lives of so many other people.
I was going to speak on each behavior he's having separately. I'll tell you, consider restraining orders, NO, his behavior is to the point where a simple piece of paper will bring him to an even greater violent level and good possability of causing physical harm.
Let's look at the born again Christian. I believe things do happen for a reason. Not the reason he listed, but certain events have purpose. I could go on and on about how events I've experienced have lead up to greater opportunities, but that's not the focus. I do want you to see is a slight bit from his side. Let's say you believed there's a God, because you were He. If someone on this earth passed away and came to heaven, would it bug you as much as it does those who are still here, who'd miss them for being physically gone?
The question I have for you today, after all that writign. I apologize if too long. How long has your uncle been a drunk? How long has he been off LSD? Has he mentioned how often he see's these images, and when he does, does he mention what the messages are. Are they powerful, relgious messages (as would be expected if they were visiting), or are they violent, telling him hateful things about others or to do things that might cause harm?
What stuck out was his anger when not believed. I think he's trying to tell people, because he realizes something is wrong with him. It almost sounds like (if not a bad trip relapse) paranoid schitsophrenia. I know I bashed that spelling. With this disorder, people see imagined, but real to them hallucinations. This can also lead to heavier drinking. Generally being drunk numbs the brain enough to lower the chance of or eliminating the hallucinations.
If this continues. He's drinking and driving, call in a ready report. He's acting up at your home, call in a domestic disturbance. If he's making threats, call them in. Do whatever you can to separate this person and protect the family. Relative or not still do it. My brother spent 2 years in jail for a crime, all though we didn't call him in, he still came out a different person, is sobr, and a completely different person.
If it was me, I'd even call a pastor over for dinner, and hopefully an intervention. If he's a born again Christian, meet him at his level. Churches do offer intervention and counseling for those who need desire it.
I do hope it's not his behavior that's drawn you away from the possibility of Church. I talk to so many people who turn away because of two faced people at the churches they attend. If that's you, a religious relationship is not about anyone else. It's a personal relationship, and it's not about going around telling others they brought evil into their homes, or placing judgement. I help those who ask for help. Just like anything else, you can't force change.
Take care, I wish you the best in overcomming this obstical. I couldn't imagine being in the position you are now. It's scary, but stay strong and don't do anything to harm yourself. Your family needs to all stick together to make it through this.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (15 January 2008):
 First off, people who use Christianity as tool to become judgemental haven't got a clue what exactly Christianity is all about. Judge not lest ye be judged - is a perfect example of where your Uncle is truly being the Mental in judgemental. He is truly in need of an evaluation.
He isn't just a terror to his own family, he is a danger to the community at large and it's about time that he was assessed and put away for a bit of a dry-out and a rest. Someone responsible should call the proper authorities and do their "Christian Duty" and see that your Uncle gets the help that he truly needs(and deserves, but that's not terribly Christian of me...) (Sorry, my "going to Hell moment" for the day...).
Seriously, he is going to cause someone bodily harm soon, so it's up to the people who know him and love him, as relatives, to stop this before an innocent bystander is injured. If You can't do it, get your parents to make the call.
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