A
female
age
36-40,
*lieP91
writes:I think i'm pregnant but my boyfriend wants nothing to do with the situation at all. He doesn't even want his mother to know and they're really close! I've tryed to talk to him about it and he just doesn't say anything. He just knows that he doesn't want to be a father just yet. Ever since i brought it up he's been treating me like shit! And even when i tell him that this isn't him whats wrong? And to please talk to me, he just says nothing or it's something to do with work. I don't want to take a test cos i'm scared that if i do and it says that i'm pregnant then he'll want either nothing to do with me and the baby or he'll make me give it up, before it has a choice to take it's own life. I've been through this before but last time i had no choice and this time i think that it maybe just might work out. But i don't want to do anything wrong by him. Everyone that i've spoken to about it says that he can't just make me give it up, it's my choice as well but i don't want to have the baby if he's not going to be there. I know whats it's like not to know, or to even have a father and i DON'T want my child to have to go through that.I'm really confused, can anyone help? Please help... Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2009): do what you feel in your heart never let anyone tell you what you should do. make your mind up for yourself there is no wrong answer as long as its yours! if he tells you to get rid of it when you dont want to then you will blame him and most likley split up anyway hope all turns out good x x
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reader, dougal  +, writes (20 January 2009):
Hi Im a midwife who lives in the midlands uk, I have 3 children 18, 20 and 24. I had my first child at 16 and my Mum wanted him adopted. I kept my son but over the years have helped many young girls who are unable to tell anyone they a pregnent. I If I can help anyone in my area who is lost, confused or scared about what is happening to you. Please mail me you are not alone.
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reader, ashley2008 +, writes (27 November 2008):
I was with my boyfriend for a year and I fell pregnant and I wanted the baby but I could tell he didn't, he didn't want to tell his parents either. I aborted the pregnancy and now we've split I just keep thinking imagine if I would have had a baby to him. You've got the rest of your life to have children and if he's treating you like that then it's not worth going through all that hurt because imagine if he thinks he's come round to the idea and then when you've had the baby he goes. You're going to feel tired from having the baby and you're going to be hurt about him, that isn't a good situation to be in but if you do decide to keep it you've always got to think I'm having this baby on my own. Don't ever expect a man to be there and if you think a baby is going to make your relationship any better, it's going to make it worse :):) Hope you make the right decision and no matter what anybody says it's your choice whether you keep it or abort the baby and no one should make that choice for you, you have got to be certain! This isn't about him any more this is about what's right for you! I think you should speak to his mother about it because I would, I know it's scarey but if you're going to keep the baby it's not as if you can hide it and she will be more pleased that you told her :) I feel for you, I do because it's so close to home. I think I'm pregnant now and my boyfriend just got 5 years in prison and I'm going to make the right choice and abort it but everyone is different. Do you think you could cope on your own waking up in the night to feed it then going to work when the baby is sick? Could you do it all on your own? You're human but you're not superhuman and no one would judge you. Think about yourself, not him and if he carries on treating you like shit tell me I'll sort him out :) x
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reader, hartandjoey  +, writes (14 August 2008):
have you ever considered adoption my wife and i are looking to adopt privately
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): hi, i know exactly how you feel, i wasn't with my boyfriend for long but fell completely in love with him, i started having concerns that i was pregnant when my breasts started to become tender, but as i wasn't 'late' at the time, i thought nothing of it, i decided to wait a week and see what happened before talking to him about it, during that week he left me for his ex girlfriend, i have since told him about my situation but he says that he doesn't care because i'm not keeping it anyway, ii'm stuck, i've had an abortion and since then 2 miscarriages, so i really don't want to lose another child, but i feel that if i keep it he'll hate me, but even though im barely a month gone, i find myself falling in love with this child?!?!?I come from a single parent family, it's just me and my mum, and i know what it's like not to have a father, but if you think about it, wouldn't you rather have no father than know him, and know he never wanted you, i believe it's every womans choice whether to have an abortion or not, but if the only reason you'd have one is to keep him, is he really worth it?seriously?xXx
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2008): I think that you two need to have a long talk about the situation. Do you really want to go through with an abortioin if he is not going to be there. I am completely pro-choice, but unfortunately, my fiancee and I recently found out that we can not have a child. So at this point, I look at every pregnancy as a blessing. We are looking to adopt, but I am sure that will take time. Please remember that that is also an option. There are a ton of great families out there that can not have children who would give the world to have a child. I wish you and your boyfriend all the best and all the strength that I can to get you through this situation@!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2008): Hello, You are in the excact position as me. Its to hard isnt it? Me & my boyfriend werent togther that long & i got pregnant but he dumped me before i told him! Now he found out & sayin he wants to see the test & that he doesnt want it. He said it's my choice but if i have it he's not going to help out! Im only young so i need advice about this myslf!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): meeee tooo. same sitch and I am so mad at myself for believing him. that he wanted a baby and now that I am pregnant he says he will support the baby and me and get us all an apartment so we can do it right but that he doesn't want to work on our relationship he's done.
best of luck hope it works/ed out and u are ok.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): Your bf is a total loser, he should have thought about that before he made the child with you. Havnt you people ever heard of birth control????
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reader, Collaroy +, writes (17 January 2008):
 Hi Alie,
No condom no sex. Just say it over and over again to him. But what you are doing with this idiot in the first place I dont know.
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reader, rcn +, writes (17 January 2008):
 Keep the baby, dump the looser.
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reader, alieP91 +, writes (16 January 2008):
alieP91 is verified as being by the original poster of the question The thing is that i was on the pill and it didnt work but he never used a condom due to the fact it was 'weird' for him and i did have this conversation with him, 42 times! Yes i counted! And i've also had this talk to him about the baby and if he is ready for this and if he's not maybe next time he'll bloody listen to me! He never did/does no matter what it is! even little things like putting stuff back after useing them is just to hard for him! All he wants to do is just forget all about this and just play is video games! I think i'm doing everythin right here, he's the one not stepping up to everything!
I'm sorry, it's just really confusing and hard.
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reader, rockelle +, writes (16 January 2008):
 I suggest you take a pregnancy test so that you know exactly what you are dealing with. If you are pregnant I think the best thing for you to do would be to talk with him. having a baby is a huge responsibility and to be honest you should have had this conversation with him before this possible pregnancy occured. If he did want to have a child he should have worn a condom and if you are not ready for a child you should be on birthcontrol. This is your decision to make and it will change the rest of both of your lives, at the end of the day it is your body and he can not make you do anything that you do not want to. In addition to that this is his life and the only thing that you can force him to do is pay child support, you can not make him love your child or be involved in its life if he decides not to. So with that in mind I wish you luck. If this just happens to be a scare get yourself some birthcontrol and condoms ASAP.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): You should take a test first, what's the point in arguing over something that might not even be there?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): Im not going to lectutre you on whether to use contraception or not as you know what you should be doing and it is up to you to take or leave that advice. But remember that abortion is not a contraception.
If you have the baby he will most deffinately leave you and you will be a single mum looking after a baby on your own. Many women do it and there children turn out fine.
If you have an abortion he may still leave you or you may decide that you no longer want to be with a person like this. One who is willing to pregnate you but not take responsibility for there part in that creation.
What I am saying is that you may lose either way so you need to decide what is best for you first and him second, not vice versa.
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reader, Laura1318  +, writes (16 January 2008):
 I think you should let his mother knows about your pregnancy once it is confirmed.Until then don't do anything rash.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): okayy im going through the same thing...he's probably scared as is most ppl around our age...but if you tell him your going to have it he'll have to man up..trust me he will come around i dont think he'll leave you out high and dry like that...i know it would be hard but if you ignore him now and he starts calling and worrying about you...then you'll know how it will be when you decide to have the baby...go ahead and have it there's always child support if not and you can tell his mother if he's not willing it is a big decision and a big step find out though you dont have to tell him the results as soon as you find out
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): if hes not going to be there than thats his loss but if you really think you cant keep it then you should give it up for adotion atleast give it life
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reader, Collaroy +, writes (16 January 2008):
Hi,
no he cannot make you give up the baby. But you can't make him play happy families with you either. I don't mean to sound harsh as it does take two to tango and you both are responsible for the pregnancy - if he didnt want you to get pregnant he should have worn a condom, or you should have made him wear one.
Having said that , if you think that getting pregnant will mean he will want to set up home and live happily ever after I'm afraid this is wishful thinking. He's made it clear to you that he doesn't want a child - I imagine he is about the same age as you, most men in their early twenties do not contemplate starting a family they want to hang out whooping it up with their mates.
If you decide to have the baby then you are entitled to financial support from him, you should go to Centrelink and see what your entitlements will be, they can advise you. But you will most likely have to steel yourself for living as a single mother.
You say this has happened before? Could I suggest you use contraception when having sex with these men? Young men cannot be counted on to provide contraception so take condoms with you if you are going to be intimate - It would avoid unplanned pregnancies in the future.
At the end of the day it is your body and your decision to do what you want, he has no say. But you also have no say in how much time he will spend with you and your baby - most likely he will be full of resentment towards you for getting yourself in this situation again coupled with the financial commitments he will be lumbered with from Centrelink . as I said before it takes two to tango and he has to accept responsiblity for his actions, but given his attitude he appears to be quite immature so don't expect him to come running into your arms. It sounds like his mother will be of some assistance so try and include her in your life - babysitting etc. Oh , and once the pregnancy is confirmed tell his mother, the fact that he doesnt want to you tell her suggests she will make him be responsible for supporting your child. Sorry, good luck.
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reader, O Connor  +, writes (15 January 2008):
 ok first of all, you have GOT to be more careful!!if you have been in this situation before you know how stressful it can be!!you have got to take a test, you cant just turn a blind eye to something this big, even if you are afraid of wat might happen. take the test, and talk to this guy, its not fair wat he is doin to you and you must feel so alone in this. you need to sit him down and try and have a mature conversation about how the 2 of you feel about this and wat you wanna do, he CANNOT make you do anything you dont want to. if he is not supportive then you should not be with him, he obviously doesnt respect your opinions enough. email and ill be more then happy to give you more help etc. and dont worry hun xxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008): hello.
if your bloke cares for you at all he would take your feelings into consideration. sit him down and talk to him, tell him how hes hurting you and try to compromise with each other. if you are pregnant and want to keep the baby, then tell him, he should understand and want whats best for you. maybe hes scared of commitment. you have got to get him to open up about his feelings and communicate with each other, trust me ive been through the same sort of thing and nothing gets sorted unless you talk! u need to think about what will be for the best, get rid of the baby to get him quiet and make yourself unhappy, or keep the baby and move on without him? its up to you.. but follow your heart. x
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