A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need help!!! my boyfriend is best friends with both of his ex's (yes there are two and they both have boyfriends) and it really upsets me. I don't want to be the type of girlfriend that doesn't allow him to be friends with whoever he wants but the situation depresses me. we met at UNI in our first year and have been together over a year now. We have a very strong relationship and we live together and have even decided to get married someday. His original home out of uni is quite far from where we are now and i love visiting his hometown and his male best friends and friends. But he calls his ex's his best friends also and i just don't like that. everytime he mentions them or mentions meeting up with them i tighten up and scowl or smirk or if i even say anyhting bad about them he gets mad at me and says i have no reason. They were his exe's of course i have a reason, but he just can't see that. The main problem is that he lost his virginity to the second one which he cannot change but still it upsets me and does not make me want to be around her. She knows my boyfriend physically and its a problem. The other one calls him huni which pisses me off. But i if i say anything i'm made to feel like the bad guy and i get guilty because i'm so determined for people to like me. I'm just stuck on what to do because it drives me absolutely crazy and i feel there is nothing i can do. sorry for the essay, i rant.
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female
reader, angela29  +, writes (17 January 2008):
I have to say I was in that same situation a few months back. My boyfriend is still friends with his ex girlfriends and at first I was upset but I told him how I felt and he reassured me that they are just friends. I felt insecure at first but now I am completly okay with it. There was a reason they broke up and now he is with you. Talk to him and tell him what bothers you about the situation. But,both of you must compromise. Everything will be fine. Good Luck!
A
female
reader, javajive  +, writes (17 January 2008):
 Hey- I know this is a tough situation! I suspect you feel really uncomfortable (and possibly a bit jealous) because these two ladies have intimate knowledge and secrets of him in the past, before you came along. Maybe you don't trust him enough. You could try looking at this from a different perspective. For whatever reason, they have chosen not to be intimate anymore, he's chosen you instead, and I think it shows a great maturity that have been able to continue as friends, instead of wallowing in self pity or becoming acrimonious.
My advice is learn to trust yourself and your man. Make a genuine effort to get to know the girls as individuals and possibly even friends! If you just aren't on the same wavelength, you need to just let it go and allow your man his freedom to be friends with who he likes. By doing that, your relationship will become stronger.
Best of luck.. jj
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (17 January 2008):
 So you have a very strong relationship, but your on here asking this question. Why does his past upset you. Are you upset because of him loosing his virginity to this gal, or is it because your jealous that it wasn't you who shared that experience with him, so you're carying resentment for the person who did?
Do you understand that your boyfriend is not obligated to be with you? That takes away the allow or disallow because you can't have control over anyone that's not really yours to control. He's his own person. He has these ex's, which is OK. He's friends, which is OK. Will all that he chooses to be with you and you choose to be with him. You're both choosing to build a life further than just boyfriend and girlfriend.
Why don't you, maybe not best of friends, but try to keep yourself a bit more open to accepting these friendships. Realize he's friends with them, but he's planning on marrying you.
I'm friends with my ex-wife, what's say (for me), the girl I lost my virginity too, is best friends with my ex wife. My kids hang out with the kids of the girl who I got my first kiss. But, it's still OK, and you're going to be OK too.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 January 2008):
 To him , it is just simple , his ex's are just friends and he can still be their friends only except he do not have the same feelings for them.To you it is complex as his ex's can pose a threat to you and you want him to be far from them or get out of his life completely so that you don't have any potential threats.You can talk to your b/f about your thoughts on that and he may compromise and adjust .Whatever the outcome , you need to accept that he is that way.
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A
female
reader, living and learning +, writes (17 January 2008):
If they are his friends then he should, out of his feeling for you, make them respect the fact that you and he are a couple. They should not adress him huni or anything of the sort.I dont think there is anything wrong with being friends with your ex's because they help to mold us into the people that we are today. Talk to your man, try telling him that you will try to respect his friendship with these girls because they were friends before you, but that huni mess has got to go. Yeah, he chose you, but there were times in his life when he chose them. There should be some boundaries and he should understand that.Its a respect thang.
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