A
female
age
41-50,
*arrie32
writes:I am 32 years old and married my husband 5 months ago. My husband's father had been very close to me, really helping me be accepted in the family. Its a big family with 5 kids, all of whom are married, my husband being the youngest of the children. Soon after we got married, my father-in-law would hug me all the time and tell me how lucky his son was to have me as his wife. About a month ago I was doing some gardening work around the house while my husband was at work. My father-in-law came over the other day and asked me how everything was going and I said it was going great except for my back hurt from all the leaning down. While I was washing my hands he came up behind me and started rubbing my back asking me where it hurt the most. I told him where not even thinking anything about it, and then he had his hand under my shirt. I then was feeling a little uncomfortable about it. He told me to sit on the couch so he could continue the back rub and soon was rubbing more then just my back, he felt my breasts and said I had a nice set of jugs like Jenny McCarthy and suggest I should pose naked for Playboy . I asked him to stop, but he insisted I needed it. He also tried to put my hand on his penis, which was hard. I told him to leave but he refused until I showed him my breasts, I said no and to get out, he said no one likes a cocktease and that the way I dressed is my fault, I do wear a lot of tight and low cut tops and dresses, he said he won’t stop until he gets what he wants from me. I had to take a shower and cried What should I do? My husband idolizes him and are close, and has he done this to my husbands brothers wives too?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): Gosh, you have smarmy, father in law there, who feels entitled to molesting whom he feels, with little caring for what his actions do to others. Carrie, this is just a guess on my part and you can correct me if I am wrong, but if you were good friends with this father in law, were you deeply intimidated you to the point, where you felt fearful to disappoint him. I think that could be why you allowed him to take this 'backrub' incident further than it should have. Your Father in law went over the line of appropriateness and decency, here. Plainly he 'desires' you but he doesn't give one hoot about his son, does he...nor does he care for you. He was using you to get his own jollies. And people revere this man? This type of selfish behavior has no room in a family. Father in laws just do not attempt to seduce their son's wive's, unless the Father has some low, slimey character traits, hidden behind that mask of goodness and helpfulness. Your Father in law thinks with his penis, not his head! I think you know this now. Most of us would have, yelled 'whoa!' turned around and kicked his ass for doing this indecent thing and then went angrily, straight to our husband with news of his Father's poor form. So why aren't you doing this? Why didn't you take a stand?
Did you fear his disapproval, of you, possibly. But from what I sense in your posting, he knew this information about you and he took this 'position of respect and power' and felt he had free license to molest you. There is a woman out there, who looks up to a certain type of stronger male. And no matter what he does that is wrong, she justifies and denies that what he did to her....was 'her' fault. I hope this isn't you, because I am sensing here, you feel alone in all this and must keep this to yourself.
You need to be really, really strong here, believe in yourself, love yourself, to take a courageous stand and immediately tell your husband. You are in a marriage, and marriage means being completely honest even if you have to tell your husband something about his father, he won't like to hear. And then you go from there. How your husband reacts to this will be very 'telling' as to how he cherishes you, his life partner, his wife.
I think the Father in law needs to take responsibility for what he tried to do to you. He has to own this and apologize to you and your husband. That could be the only way, you could come out of this with your integrity as a sood, caring woman, intact and keep your self-esteem up where it should have been in the first place. I wish you the best, Carrie and never allow someone, anyone...do this to you again. Take care, hun. xxx
A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (19 November 2008):
 No doubt this creep has forced himself on others many times. Probably everyone keeps quiet about it.
ALSO, you said you wear sexy clothes, well, you need to dress in a less sexy way since that obviously is a major turn on to men.
Slap his face, demand he keep his filthy hands off of you and talk to other family members to see if they have had similar problems.
Bringing this up with your husband is a delicate situation. He will be so shocked that he won't want to believe it. You might want to bring it up little by little and say that his father says things to you that make you uncomfortable.
If your husband has sisters, ask if they have had problems. This guy molests others for sure, just finding out who is the mystery. ALSO don't EVER be alone with this creep!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): I am a bit perplexed as to why you let him give you a back rub in the first place. This is not to say that his behaviour is in any way justified, but really, you let him rub you up under your shirt? What did you think was going to happen next? Use your imagination. Tell your husband what's happened and nip it in the bud as soon as you can.I also like the idea of taping him to catch him in the act, so you have some proof. Don't let it go on any longer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): To explain natural language processing would take more than 6 hours.I would dearly love to though.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.Those words are worth their weight in gold.
Dear I know you are very lonely,probably hurting inside.If it makes you happy making a fool of me answering with genuine concern please go ahead.
If I made one person smile at the end of the day,my day is made.
I just want you to ponder only one point.Life is too short to be spent scheming and planning on petty grudges.
I usually apologize if I have even a sliver of doubt that the thread might be true.This time I won't.
I am out of this thread now.I wish you happiness.
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A
female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (19 November 2008):
 ok carrie
I'll give you some good advise rings have you got many rings even the ones you don't normally wear (rcn's advice is also what you should be thinking) Put all your rings in a place ready to put on if he comes anywhere near you, Punch him hard, Thumb outside the hand (so as not to damage yourself but also to keep a tight fist..) Hunny you need to prepare for this abuser, pepper spray also as someone suggested, There are many things you can do as we said with telling your husband, voice recorder on the phone, The camera, If he comes anywhere near you again or threatens you call the police and call your husband..But my main advice is tell your husband what happened if your worried say it as if you are worried about his father as birdy said some illnesses can make people do what they normally wouldn't so tell your husband...Sweetheart if he loves and cares about you then as he married you then he should listen to you, THAT'S MOST IMPORTANT! WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, Carrie32 +, writes (19 November 2008):
Carrie32 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am in real scary situation, how can you say im a fake.
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A
female
reader, Carrie32 +, writes (19 November 2008):
Carrie32 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is really happening to me, I don't know what to do? I am scared.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): My dear friends check this link out.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-wifes-dad-is-sexually-harassing-me-and.html
The similarities are a little too much for it to be coincidental.If these things are false posts you are a sick sick person.
I am sure you will be back.The battle's on.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (19 November 2008):
 One FURTHER thought, I have had brain tumors, dementia and Alzheimer's in my family, and this COULD also be a change perpetuated by a small stroke or any of these conditions in the form of a personality change. Your Dad-In-Law's Health could be an issue here, and it might affect his actions. So, no matter what, you should tell your husband to treat this as a serious matter. Please let us know how you are doing. XXX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): Dear Poster,
I am singing along with Birdy now.
I read guilt from your post on wearing such dresses.Perverts like that jackass give that as an excuse to hit on women.Trust me when I say this:Even if you are dressed in sack cloth and ashes he would still hit on you.Please don't feel guilty.Be brave.We have voice recorders in mobiles that can be used with out the other person knowing it.Can you try that?.Courage coupled with intelligence win the battle at the end of the day.
Take care Sis.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (19 November 2008):
BTW, as the newest family member, the quicker you "OUT" him the easier it will be on your new marriage. Hiding this is a betrayal to your spouse, and that's what the SOB is counting on, your silence. Good Luck Hun.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (19 November 2008):
EVERBODY SING!!!
"The Knee Bone's Connected to the Crotch Bone, The Knee Bone's Connected to the Crotch Bone, The Knee Bone's Connected to the Crotch Bone, Now Hear the Word of Us All!!!"
Hun, Your primary relationship is with your husband, and that is who you should be confiding in right now, as hard as this is. I can assure you, if your DIL has done this to you, he's done it to a lot of other females too. Who knows, standing your own ground here may well help OTHER females in your extended family who are being abused by this Pig. I know that this path isn't going to be an easy one for you to follow, but silence is only going to perpetuate his behavior with YOU - And most likely a lot of other females who need protecting. You were brave enough to put your thoughts into words, the next step is putting them into action!!!! We are 110% behind you!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (19 November 2008):
I would confront him in a very serious and angry tone and tell him to leave you the hell alone or you are going to say something to the family. That he should be ashamed of himself to make sexual advances on his son's wife! That he needs help and then spray him with pepper spray.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (19 November 2008):
 Your husband idolizes the wrong person. Feeling up his son's wife, he has absolutely no respect for his son, or your marriage. Your body is yours which he has absolutely no right to abuse.
What you wear is your business. His being agressive is his own action and is not your fault. Talk to your husband about it. This is something you both need to be in agreement with, not to condone this behavior, but to keep you safe. This man need to be kept away from you, and your husband deserves to know why that is. Your marriage does not include sharing your body with your father in law.
I believe in order for your marriage to survive, assuring this does not happen again needs to be put in place. You deserve to enjoy your marriage without fear of what he may do.
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A
male
reader, yum yum  +, writes (19 November 2008):
 This is a very serious matter. He is sexually assaulting you. You say No!, DON'T TOUCH ME, LEAVE ME ALONE. You must
talk about this issue to your husband. Do not feel guity or shy if this is true because this could be the offenders way of manipulating you, so you keep your mouth closed. It is very important that you talk to somebody about this however it is important for you to tell your husband. Never give your farther in law the permission to come to your house again alone. If he comes to your house tell him to go away if he refuses call your husband and the Police if nessesary. This is not something you should keep to yourself. Take care.
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (19 November 2008):
Hi Hunny
Can you talk to the other sister in-laws you should get a camera as the last post said, You can get nanny cams these days shaped as teddy's pop it on your shelf he would be none the wiser, And catch the randy old pervert out, You cant go on this way something has to be done at least talk with your sister in-laws and see if any of them have been in the same position love..If it were me Id slap him so hard across the face he would have some explaining to do when he got home..Id leave more than my mark love TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
male
reader, Austinalive +, writes (18 November 2008):
Why don't you tape him. Hide a camera to prove he is the one starting all.
good luck
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