A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend secretly kept in touch with a girl he once worked with about a year ago. They exchanged emails, chatted, and text and he hid it from me very well. He wanted to date her sometime ago, but he was rejected. They however stayed friends. She stays in another country but she sometimes comes over for work. He even secretly wanted to meet up and have some drinks with her, but I found out and we had a big fight about it, so he didn't meet her. I then found out that he really loved her, and they have been planning to meet many times, because she planned company trips to be here. When I found out about all his hiding and scheming, I confronted him and he said she was an old workmate and they were just keeping in touch. He confessed about the lying and scheming but did it because he didn't want to hurt me, since they're just friends. Since that fight, he has stopped all contact with her and told her never to contact him again. I told him that if he ever hid women like that from me again, I'd leave him. he hasn't since.Yesterday, I found some forwarded emails from her again. I know they are just forwarded emails and are very innocent. Should I be worried? What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (19 November 2008):
 To you, is it okay for your boyfriend to continue friendships with girls? Has there been a time prior to all this where you may have given him the impression being friends with girls is unacceptable, such as showing jealousy or control?
I want you to think of your relationship as a choice not an obligation. You choose to be with him and he does you. Trust your boyfriend will be faithful, if he chooses to be unfaithful you can choose to end the relationship.
On the other hand honesty is important too. Behaving in a way where you won't have reason to believe he'd do something. Being dishonest about who you talk too generally means a "non friend" intent is evident.
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