A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a strange sort of problem which is beginning to scare me a little. I am 25 and gave birth to a beautiful little girl 6 months ago. After the birth I had post natal depression which really came between my huaband and I, and although I have loved him since we met (we were only 16 when we got together so he is the only man I have ever been with) I feel that I have fallen out of love with him. Please dont have a go at me, because I know that he is a good husband and father and a supportive man, but there is no physical attraction any more and I feel strange when we have sex (very rarely happens because I avoid it).My real problem seems to be in my head. I used to work 45 hours a week and work was my life, but since having the baby I have been in the house alone for most of every day, and I seem to have created this other life for myself in my head. I have full conversations with characters who I know dont exist, but the problem is I have these thoughts most of the time now and I sometimes find that when my husband is home I want to take some time to myself so I can simply close my eyes and think. Its like I am blocking out reality, or rejecting my husband for my imagination. Is there anyone out there who has had anything remotely similar to this? Could this still be post natal depression? And do you think this will stop once I get myself back to work and start meeting people again?I would really appreciate any advice but please dont make fun of me because I know how strange this sounds and I really feel I need help. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (18 December 2008):
 It could be depression, but may be more than that. I think, playing into the depression factor, is how you changed from working to staying at home. It's great being a parent, but do you feel as if you're not accomplishing what you'd like to? Sometimes these changes affect how you feel about your partner, not because they did anything to change your mind about them, but the life changes affect everyone who's part of your life.
Look at this from a different angle. Feelings and depression are one thing, but if you love your husband, "true" love is a choice. You love your child, even during the difficult times you still love them. They don't have to do anything to earn it, you do so because that's your child. It's the same concept. My definition of "true" love, is "the choice to love someone without any return expectation."
This older lady had a good saying about the separation of love and attraction. She said girls look for guys with six packs, but her husband would have to tuck in a few of the wrinkles. Intimacy by looking into his eyes, without her glasses she can't see his eyes. Sex, she said "yea if I want to break a hip." Some other things she said as well. I wish I wrote it down word for word because it really does explain a huge factor as to how people remain happily married for many years.
With your sex life, it is a personally developed feelings. If your husband hasn't made changes which could cause you to feel uncomfortable during sex, then it's changes you've made to cause these feelings.
I have intentionally remained single for the past 3 1/2 years without any physical contact. I did so to learn a deep level of appreciation. We take little things in relationships for granted. I really believe by this experience when I decide to end this and find someone, I will be 100% grateful for every moment I get with her, and treat the relationship as a gift. Out of billions upon billions of people, you and your husband chose each other to marry and start a family. That really is something special.
If this continues, seek some counseling to uncover what is really causing this.
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