A
female
age
30-35,
*zraMayweather
writes:I was raped four years ago, and my in these past few weeks thing are being revealed to me. I have seen this man again after all these years and my 4 year old son is his spitting image. I never told anyone I was raped except my sister. How do I tell my sons father that our son is not his. I have a lot more things to handle along with this, but this is the most important to me. It is killing me inside to keep this secret, but he is a wonderful man, he has our sons name tatooed on his chest, he has my name tatooed on his stomach, and he settled to attend school part time instead of take the full football scholarship Miami had offered him, jus to take car of us. This is killing me, I am dying from the inside out, and I am growing weaker, jus holding this burden. That man ruined my life, now what he did has subconsciously ruined my sons father life, and my sons. What am I to do.....I am at my ropes end. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, msdgaf910 +, writes (17 February 2009):
 first you should know, that you shouldnt blame yourself for what has happened to you. and if your sons father, loves his son as much as he does, you tellin him the truth about him not being the father of his son, he will love him regardless and still be with you guys and take care of you guys no matter what. i'll tell him, its hard, but i think if he loves yall as much as he does, it wouldnt matter.
A
female
reader, MissHeartBreaker  +, writes (16 February 2009):
I have no words that can make this situation any easier for you. i am only young and have no idea how this could make you feel. my sister was a victim of rape several times and i still could have no possible comparison to how it must feel. i can esure you that there is nothing to be ashamed of this was not your fault. rape is a terrible ordeal to come to terms with and if your partner loves you like you say then he will support you and honour your decision of shring your trauma. he has no right to resent you for keeping this from him and this shouldnt make him feel any different towards your son or you. even though he isnt his biological father he has bonded with him and he cant just let that go. he loves you and things will be hard when you first tell him but its not fair to keep this from him for your sake aswell you shouldnt have to live with this by yourself. you can get through it together. first step tell him. second step let him have his say. third and final step deal with his reaction and work out a solution. you sound like a strong woman you can get past this. all my love n x
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (16 February 2009):
 First, I feel for you being raped. That should never happen to anyone, and you're right, that act destroys people.
You seem to love your son, and his "father". Why is this secret killing you? Are you afraid of the result when you tell him? Although this man ruined you life, it's now you who's continuing it being ruined. Is you son's father going to be upset? Of course, that's a given, but the longer you hold it in, the more upset he will be. By doing so it seems as if you directly betray him as well, by knowing the truth and not revealing it. You have to come clean. Whatever the outcome, it's not going to be as bad as keeping this secret.
Next, anyone can be a father, but it takes a man to be a dad. This reminds me of a country song I really like, about being a step parent, the chorus states, "I hope I'm half the man, he didn't have to be." If you are held together with real love, and he loves his son, he may still be there and still be his dad even though he's not the biological father. It's up to you, ethically, to allow him that choice. You see how hiding the truth can cause a great deal of damage, it's time to unload that and start living by the truth.
I hope all works out. You seem like a loving mom. What happened was not your fault. Heal together and be a strong family for your son.
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