A
male
age
36-40,
*acksonville100%
writes:Me and my Wife of 2 1/2 years just recently separated. I was unfaithful more than once and twice with the same female. No sex whatsoever was involved at anytime, but she doesn't believe me. I'm sure I wouldn't either if I were in her place. I also looked at porn on the computer every once in a while, and called singles hot lines. I know it sounds like I'm a horrible husband, but I love her very much, I want to be with her more than anything I know. I would do anything to get her back. what should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): Mmmm... you say you were unfaithful yet never had sex... sorry dont believe you either! You have enrolled on singles dating sites... I am not surprised you wife doesnt want anything to do with you. Face it.. you want your cake and to eat it too. You are a liar and a cheat.
A
female
reader, huneygyrl +, writes (11 February 2009):
 I wouldn't trust you either. It seems like you wanna have your cake and eat it, too, along with some added sprinkles from time to time. Your actions makes it harder for those men who are wanting a good woman in their lives. You really need to think about what you really want. Either being single or married.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 February 2009):
 I'm not entirely clear what you think you mean by being unfaithful. Having sex isn't the issue here; you called SINGLES hotlines. You were "unfaithful" in some way. That means you pretended you were single, that means you WANTED to be single and worse than that, you actually took steps that would lead you into being physically unfaithful.
So right now, she's not exactly trusting you. I'll give you the porn on the computer as a pass-the-time, look and lust thing, as far as I'm concerned, that's simply fantasy.
Now, what you did as far as being unfaithful, you'll have to be more specific for more advice. But calling other women up? Um, that's crossing a line to me, and obviously it was for her. You actually dialed a phone and spoke to a live person. What was the next step going to be? Maybe you'd find yourself out one night and 'forget' that you were married.
You would do anything to get her back? Okay, go find a marriage counselor. Go make an appointment with her (or him, the marriage counselor could be a male, after all), at a time that you know your wife will be able to attend. Do you two have children? Organize a babysitter so that your wife can go to the counseling session with you. If she refuses to go, you go ahead and go anyway. Then you call up your wife and tell her what you and the marriage counselor discussed. And then you try again. Make that appointment, get the babysitter organized. Go even if she doesn't. Repeat as necessary for about six months to a year. If, after that time, you two haven't been in a room together with a marriage counselor working on repairing your marriage, well then you will have done what you can.
Of course, cutting contact with the woman involved, as well as knocking off calling singles hotlines, goes without saying?
At the very least, you'll figure out why you crossed that invisible but very real line that demarcates the faithful spouse zone from the unfaithful. Then if things don't work out, when or if you get married again, you'll understand yourself better. That can't be a bad thing.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (11 February 2009):
 What would you do? If you loved her that much, what and the hell were you doing? These behaviors symbolize the opposite of wanting to be with your wife, because you're entering into space married men don't go.
Understand emotional affection is the same as cheating. You're taking emotions away from your wife and sharing that part of you with someone else.
I can't tell you what to do to get her back. I can say it's now about why she should give you a change rather than your desire to be with her. Be the one she fell in love with, and nothing less. If you get her back, everyday show her she made the right choice.
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A
female
reader, Hermione  +, writes (11 February 2009):
You should try some couple's counseling as a way to show her you're serious about working through your issues and remaining faithful to her in the future. In a setting such as that you'll be able to talk about what's truly bothering you and pushing you in this direction. Be very patient, it will take a great deal of time for your wife's trust in you to be what it once was. You can't push her into it or it may undo any progress you guys have already made in getting over this. Oh and one more thing - this is all under the assumption that you are certain about what you want and serious about remaining faithful in the future - despite how difficult this may be. If you have any doubts whatsoever you must take time to think about it and decide what you one hundred percent because your wife doesn't deserve that kind of betrayal.
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