A
male
age
41-50,
*hbetheone
writes:Hello I am 25 my ex is 24. She broke up with me a month ago. I got a huge speach about how she does not have time, since she moved down and starting her life. I have not called her or contacted her in any way shape or form. I looked through a site tonight and saw her picture up . It was a dating site, whats hurts is she told me she felt like crap because i gave our relationship 110 percent and she was giving hardly nothing. That it made her feel horrable, and she hated herself, that if she wanted to be in a relationship she would be with me. It just hurts now to see shes on a dating site. I could not beleive my eyes. It was just such a stab , I couldnt beleive it. I know I just need to move on, I just could not even fathom dating anyone right now or anytime soon. I just dont know what to think. I just need some help. HELP !!!
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (2 February 2009):
I feel I have to point out that you were on a dating site and browsing....
But because she has signed up too, she is the bad one?
You guys have split up. I know how horrible that is and that you feel like this is the final insult, but she is trying to move on and if you are looking at dating sites then you are too.
It's part of the cycle of dating.
She may have sugar coated the way she split up with you but that doesn't mean that everything she said was lies. She loved you but now she has moved on and is probably looking for some rebound fun.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (2 February 2009):
 I know this is going to sound harsh, but trust me she just wasn't that into you. I know it's painful. I know she sort of misled you but she probably said a bunch of things to protect your feelings while she made her exit plan. Better to know now though, before you invested any more of your emotions into a relationship that wasn't meant to be. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): I understand how it would hurt you especially being lied to about the break up. My kids dad and I have been working on us and then it'll stop. Back and forth. When we were working things out I had this feeling that I needed to go on myspace and type in his name. There he goes, pictures of himself half naked, pictures of his first two kids from his first marriage next to them and pictures of my daughter near them. Along with half naked pictures of females. Come to find out, he have been in contact with a few of them. My heart nearly busted open. I was so devasted. I couldn't trust him anymore. A 40 year old so called man with no morals, respect, love, care for his kids, himself and me. There's someone out there for everyone she's just not it for you. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (2 February 2009):
 What's worse than a break up? Being lied to about why. Let me ask you this. If you're not looking for a date anytime soon, what brings you to the dating site? Apparently she feels as if you two were not the couple to be. It happens.
We have all had those moments. Break up, they find someone else, and we begin wondering what the other person has that we do not.
Keep in mind, even though she's untruthful with her reasons, she's not rejecting you, just you two being a couple. Don't take it personal. I know there are people out there for everyone. Looking at myself, I'm an introvert, so when I date I know being with an extreme extrovert would not work. I can't keep up, I'm much mellower than they are, so no matter how much I wanted to be with them, I'd have to literally change who I am in order to make it work.
Learn about yourself, your qualities and what you can offer someone. Also what you're looking for in a partner. Quite often relationships fail because we don't take time to do homework and find out which behaviors work for us and which ones we should stay away from.
I hope everything works out for you. Just remember, although it didn't work out, it's a choice and not an attack. You'll find someone who fits with who you are, and you wouldn't have found that level of happiness being with someone you're not compatible with.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): I was in the same situation as you. When my ex left me he told me he wasn't ready for a commitment and or a relationship with anyone. Believe me, I too got the whole speech about how he didn't have time, how he didn't like the way his life looked, blah blah blah. A few months later a friend of mine found my ex on a dating website and had told me. I too was shocked and also hurt! But then again, there is also a possible chance that it couldn't been him. It could have been someone else using his picture or his friend may have set the account for him. I may never know unless I ask him myself, but we are not on the best of terms.I know this might sound shady or a bit childish, but it might help and for the sake of your sanity, have one of your friends (one who your ex does not know) set up an account and contact her.Or you may just have to block it out of your mind and not think about it. I know it is easier said than done, but if I can do it then I am sure that you can too : ]You deserve much better than that.- Kay
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