A
male
age
36-40,
*evin33
writes:Hey everyone, so here is an update on my situation. The girl that I've been with for almost 5 years wants to see what else is out there. It has been an amazing relationship. We are our first everything and it means a lot to me, and I used to think to her. I saw her last night for the first time in a while and we talked.She brought up the situation and said that she just didnt know. She felt as though her life was a bubble with relationships and work. She just needs space to figure this out, but also wants to make sure that we are meant to be. She said she would not pass up the chance if another person was presented to her and she was ready.But she is definitely not seeing anyone now. she wants to see the single life. She is not the intimate person and she has her values. We waited until deeply in love after a year and half in order for our first time to be special. She now says that lately she has felt the need for it, yet doesnt communicate to me. I just dont want her throwing it away. We had crazy butterflies and a special connection when we saw each other. I asked her if it was true love and she said yes. Yet she doesnt want to regret anything in the future since she is still so young. I am 23 and she is 21.It seriously hurts to let her go because I know how amazing it was and so does she. She started crying and grabbed my hands on the coffee table although we are not together. She told me she wants to get back together so bad but doesnt want to fall into the routine again. 5 years is a long time and I think we both have to work to make it special. She doesnt want this idea of hers that maybe something else is there for her to come back in the future, and neither do I. I want to give her time. She wants to stay in contact and go out from time to time, but I know exactly what will happen. If she does find someone I will be crushed. I feel as though time apart is what we need yet I cant seem to tell her, i dont want it myself.Most importantly im afraid that if I dont contact her, she will lose feelings and so will I. Time is very powerful. I want to stay in contact but dont want her to think im wrapped around her finger. Its hard to throw away 5 years of first true love when there is no serious reasoning behind it, yet only fear. She thought it was a routine. I told her that we should lighten it up a bit, and have a great time experiencing new things together. She sees some other couples who flirt in public and show their affection, yet I know we have it, I just didnt think that was the sort of thing she wanted. I love her more than anything and need some advice. I hate waiting, but just dont know how to ago about doing it. What do you think, do we still have a chance at this?It was fireworks last night, and she wanted to show affection so bad. We stared at each other for a while, and right then smiled. Im so close with her family too. They always tell me im so good with their daughter, they trusted me from day one, something very hard with her rents. I just dont want her finding someone else thats why im confused. I cant believe she wants to ruin something special to take a chance. She is wanting her dream guy yet, doesnt know hes right in front of her. Not to sound bad, but everyone sees it except for her. I would do anything and out love is strong.THANKS!!!
View related questions:
crush, flirt, get back together, needs space Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Helpmeout  +, writes (9 February 2009):
I am in a very similar sitution, but i am the girl! Im 21, and have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. Although I love him deeply, and can barely go a day without him, I am constantly plagued with doubts. I always wonder if there is something else out there for me. I dont just mean another man, but a different life. I dont want to be settled and married to a man i met as a teen, and regretting never exploring life and taking chances.I may truly regret leaving him, but at least I will know that i had the strength to take a chance. I think how i feel is similar to how your girlfriend feels. Its not a nice feeling to see the rest of your life mapped out at 21. If you can, why not ask to go away with you. Completely change your routine! Even if its only for a month or two, take her on an adventure! Not only would an exciting trip bring you closer together, but it would remind her of the love, romance and excitement that still exists between the two of you. It might sound extreme, but how much do you really love her?
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (9 February 2009):
 This remains me of a saying. "Don't leave someone you love for someone you like, because someone you like will leave you for someone they love."
Wanting to see what's out there? A world of the unknown, where she knows the world with you. I can't even begin to count the number of people who get into relationships and just settle because they haven't found that special one. You two have found the "soul mate" connection that too many only dream about finding.
As far as being in a routine, that's relative because you develop your environment. If you want the routine to change, change what you do. Romance and intimacy doesn't just happen, someone plans and implements a plan, which results in romance.
Your relationship I'd give an 8 out of 10, because the extra 2 is what's keeping you apart, which is staying out of the trap of being familiar. That's where a lot of the romance disappears. Expecting your partner will be there because they were there the day before. This develops a rut. When you first meet someone you flatter them in many ways. Some might be physical, or taking out places, or buying gifts. In that stage you're proving your feelings for them. Once the "L" word comes in, that words replaces what was done prior too it.
If you two are really in love as you claim, taking a break will be damaging for a couple of different reasons. Let's say she plays the field a bit, and comes back realizing you're the one. The act of her playing the field will change the boundaries of how you view the relationship and how you see her viewing you and weather your important to her or replaceable.
What I want you to fully understand is although people are people, and bodies are bodies, "True Love" can't be replaced by changing the person or the body. It is what you both have, the similarities and the differences that combined developed the love you share. There may be so many people out there, but not another you or her. If you really love her and her you, you can play the field all you want and won't come close to what you have now. Don't take love for granted. It's hard to find that special one. When you do, appreciate every moment and love that person with everything you are. I understand you're younger, but that's not an excuse for tossing away what has developed and could be.
...............................
|
