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... Send *irtball a private message | | | *irtball's profile:Hello DC. Some of you may be wondering where I were I went. My life has taken a turn that has taken me away from here for the time being. I'm not really answering many questions at this time. If you PM me, I will respond, but it may be delayed a week or two. I had many problems dumped on me of my own, so I don't have much energy for the problems of others. I'll be back, but it just may be a while.
Wow, been away longer than anticipated. To sum it up, life sort of sucks for me at the moment. Not looking for pity, just letting you know why I haven't been around. I still hope things will get better soon, but who knows.
ALERT: If you're sending me a PM in regard to advice I've given you, please reference the thread or specifics so I can be on the same page. Lately I've been receiving lots of PM's with an answer to some question I asked, but since the question was from an Anon poster, I have no idea which answer it was in regard to. I give a lot of advice here, so I'm very sorry if I don't immediately recognize you. The question title or a link would be most appreciated. Thank you!
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Hi, I'm the bad bad charming sweetheart dirtball. Although recently I seem to have picked up the moniker "Dirty Balls" despite making sure to clean them thoroughly each day. Anyway, I love this site. I have a BA in Psychology which is part of the reason I think I like this site so much. I posted anon for quite some time before creating my profile. I took to the brutally honest approach which has gotten me in trouble a few times, but for the most part has gone quite well. I enjoy helping people and at times challenging them when I think it is appropriate.
_____________________________________________
I've been getting lots of great feedback on my advice and I appreciate it, even if you didn't like it. With that said, I'd like to add a segment here I'll call (drum roll please)
DIRTBALL'S RULES ABOUT PEOPLE AND DATING (in no particular order)
Men don't befriend women who they are not interested in sexually. What do I mean by this? I mean that men will not actively seek out friends of the opposite sex unless they would like to make the friendship progress further at some point. Plain and simple, that's how we operate. Are there circumstances where they are actually just friends? Yes, those would be times when you are forced together in some way. Examples could be; fellow employees at work, a regular customer at work, shared friend circle. The key to watch for is if he looks to spend time with her alone. That's usually the sign that he has a romantic interest in the relationship.
Long Distance Relationships don't work. Go ahead and tell me your success stories, I don't care. Most of the time it is just way too hard for the parties involved. Too much doubt creeps into the relationship. Plus, can you really call it a relationship if you only get to be together rarely? I think not.
Once broken up, you should stay that way. Make up/break up relationships don't work. Why do you always feel the need to break up? It's because things aren't working. Then you miss each other and get back together, only to have the very thing that drove you apart last time do it again. It is a cycle that doesn't get better. All you're doing is preventing yourself from finding someone who will actually make you happy.
People only change if they really (and I mean REALLY) want to for themselves. Changes for the benefit of others are temporary. True change is very hard to make. It requires diligence, effort, and support.
Communication is the most important part of your relationship. So many times we have people here asking about how they should handle a situation when the solution is simply to talk to your partner about it. We forget how important this is. It affects everything. If you are feeling upset about something, it is best that you discuss it with your partner instead of burying it and letting it brew. Later it will explode when it could have just been a calm discussion if addressed right away. Communicate with your partner. If you never talk, why are you even together?
People can love each other and not be right for a relationship. This kind of goes back to the make up/break up rule from earlier but it extends to present partners or exes as well. When someone is part of your life, especially for long periods of time, it is natural that part of the love you carry for them will always be there. Just because you love someone though, that doesn't mean you should be together. That's the case with most of my ex GF's as I'm sure it is with many other people. Sometimes you need to consider if love is making you do foolish things.
You should set ground rules in your relationships. Let your partner know about deal breakers. Deal breakers being defined as things they would do that would cause you to end the relationship. It is good to get these out of the way when you are getting serious. That way, you can refer back to them if your partner does something against said ground rules. An example that I tell all my girlfriends (including friends who I'm not romantically involved with) is that I will never answer the question "Am I fat" or any variation of it (does this make me look fat, does my butt look big, etc). I explain why too. It's a trap question. Answer yes, and that's obvious. Answer no, and "you're just saying that." So I won't entertain that question. I know, silly, but this works for the bigger picture too. Figure out what's important enough to you that you'd be willing to end a relationship. Tell your partner what these things are. If they want to be with you, they should know.
When one person in a relationship has a problem, it's a problem for the relationship. You're not alone in your relationship, and dismissing your partner's problem doesn't solve anything. It makes them feel devalued and unimportant. Why don't you care enough to address something they think is a problem? It's because you know it's a problem but want to hide. Don't hide from it. If you do, it won't go away.
When a relationship ends, you need to give yourself proper time to grieve it. Like dealing with death, you go through the same stages. Denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and finally acceptance. This is part of the problem with rebound relationships. Take the time you need. Don't be afraid to wait.
Let the past be the past. It's over, it's done, and there is nothing that can be done to change it. There is no use dwelling on it because there is nothing that can be done about it. Don't worry about things that cannot be changed. You can't drive a car by only looking in the rear view mirror.
I'm sure there will be more to come, but these are the few I've seen myself repeat a lot in my rather short time here.
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This is, hands down, the best conversation I've seen about porn yet on this site: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-there-no-middle-ground-when-it.html
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Dirtball Rants:
1) What the hell happened to punctuation and grammar? I blame text messaging for the trash I see people write. It's not the content but the way it's expressed that makes me wonder what's happening to society. I realize that we're a multinational forum here, and I give a complete pass to someone who is doing their best despite the fact that English isn't their first language. But the crap I see from Americans, the British, Canadians, and Australians often makes me sick. If any of you read this, your posts would be much easier to read if you used paragraphs, sentences with punctuation, and whole words instead of abreviations like U, cuz, or wut! Quit being so fucking lazy if you want help.
2) There is a difference between the words your and you're. "Your" denotes ownership. "You're" is the contraction of "you are." Saying something like "your lame" is wrong wrong wrong! The same goes for there, their, and they're. "There" is used for things like places (look over there). "Their" denotes ownership (they wanted their cookies back). "They're" is the contraction of "they are." An example, "they're going to the service station over there to pick up their car which was just repaired." I bet that just blew your mind.
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Abreviations.
I use a lot of abreviations when I type advice so I'm going to start a list of the most common ones I see for use as a reference tool.
OP - Original Poster, the person asking for advice.
BF - Boyfriend
GF - Girlfriend
SO - Significant Other, your BF, GF, Fiance, or spouse in other words.
BTW - By the way
FWIW - For what it's worth
TBH - To be honest
IDC - I Don't Care
IDK - I Don't Know
IMHO - In My Humble Opinion
IMO - In My Opinion
IOW - In Other Words
THO - Titty Hard On (erect nipples) |
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Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 April 2011: Having not checked back here in quite a while, I've got some thoughts to share about your last post person12345.
To me, it's not just the women in porn that are interchangable, but the men too. Often they are nothing more than a hard cock. I... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 November 2010: Yes, I'd still do it but not very often. There are other reasons behind the behavior that don't all revolve around sexual satisfaction. It is a stress relief. I also use it to help improve sexual stamina so that I can perform better and last ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 November 2010: Holy crap! I think we just had breakthrough time didn't we! I'm very glad that there are women like you out there. I hope to meet one of my own someday. I'm also glad it seems like you've found the source of your feelings about his porn ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 October 2010: Sad, I know. Actually, I can think of one time it happened and one time it almost did. Once it happened on accident, but fortunately for me we were in a 69 and she was having one at the same time so she didn't care. Another told me she swallowed ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 October 2010: Good point Gabrielle. Let me rephrase, your attitude about sex is special. As is yours Smiliek. I hope to meet a woman with similar feelings toward sex someday.
Do guys prefer a handjob or bj when getting a "release?"
This guy prefers a bj... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 27 October 2010: You're a special girl Gabrielle, and I envy your partner. The only girl I've met who had a similar attitude to you as far as sex turned out to be a manipulative psycho. That relationship never would have lasted so long if the sex wasn't so ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 27 October 2010: Good questions, and no you're not all alone, I keep checking in and referring people in situations similar to yours back to this thread.
Can a guy have enough sex that he doesn't need to masturbate?
Yes and no. I've found that (at least in my ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 13 October 2010: Welcome back Mia. Glad you got everything sorted out!... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 8 October 2010: I agree. It is lazy. It also becomes harder to fantasize if you're constantly bombarding yourself with these images. The problem in my life is that I haven't found many women with comparable sex drives. Most of the women I've been with have ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 7 October 2010: I agree to a point. I think part of the appeal of porn with regard to masturbation is that it is easy and highly accessable. Can I masturbate without it? Sure. The thing is that it takes longer. At least for me. If I just want to make it fast, ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 7 October 2010: Ha! Just because they happen doesn't mean they need to be accepted. I see people who don't pay their taxes every day. Death is hard to cheat though.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 6 October 2010: Nobody ever has to accept anything they don't want to. I do believe that a lot of people believe that someone may have to accept something but the truth is that it is your right as an individual to make your own choices as to what you'll accept or ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 5 October 2010: I'm still reading it. :-)
I think that's because of the fact that it's viewed as "taboo." These are conversations that need to take place in a relationship. It makes the relationship stronger if both parties lay out their expectations for each... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 30 September 2010: I think you're right person12345, there is a bit of the ostrich syndrome going on here. I have some thoughts on this question though: "If she's already insecure and that makes it worse, why wouldn't he want to make her feel better?"
This is a sli... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 29 September 2010: OK Friends, we're opened back up. I just wanted to post a reminder to everyone to keep it civil. I haven't seen anything like that in a while, but it's still worthy of a reminder.
So, without further delay, please let the conversation continue... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 September 2010: Katy, I didn't realize you were the anon poster. However, I never said you don't belong here, just the negativity you were expressing.
I was pushing for contributions, not attacks. Please do contribute. ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 September 2010: Anon poster, where your argument about men fails is your statement about their actions. Actions and thoughts are two very different things. Just because we may fantasize about something, that doesn't mean we will, or even we want to in reality, ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 26 August 2010: "Why is it you don't talk about 'masturbation addicts'"
LOL Mia, a masturbation addict will eventually be unable to even view porn since they'll go blind and have super hairy palms.
Don't you love those old wive's tales?
I also have pro... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 26 August 2010: "As for Dirtball's theory about masturbation is dirty, I think porn would actually lessen especially in how degrading it is if masturbation wasn't thought of as hidden and dirty."
I agree. When we're hiding something already, it becomes easier t... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 25 August 2010: "But lying as a teen to your mum is surely different to lying to your partner?"
It is and it isn't. Your point is valid and the way things should work ideally. The thing is that learned behavior is difficult to change. An example. I live alo... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 24 August 2010: Why is this "ok" to lie about?
It really isn't. You are right that a relationship built around lies doesn't have a real foundation. Now, what I'm about to type, is the justification.
It's not that it's ok to lie about it, it's that men ha... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: Be careful when you say such things, especially if the pig is around. He tends to get very funny ideas when you say "woman, naked, ogle"
Ha, Q isn't the only one who gets crazy thoughts in his head when he hears (or reads) those words. ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: If I had a gf who would take sexy pics of herself or star in a video with me, you better believe I'd watch that above anything else in my collection. The problem is that, like with just about anything, the same thing can get boring if repeated ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: "sorry to drag it back, but im still at a loss as to what to say to women who post on here who cannot accept their partners porn use, but love him and do not wish to leave the rship. If he wont stop (even if he only does it sometimes) what should ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: I should add, thank you for identifying yourself!... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: Sorry person 12345... I was writing my response at the same time.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: Anon, she says you're hiding because you haven't signed up and given us a user name to call you.
As for the prevalence in today's society... I blame "girls gone wild." My mom had an argument with one of my brother's girlfriends once because ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 21 August 2010: I'm going to step out of the porn discussion for a second and address the Neuroscience issue (as this was one of my primary collegiate areas of study).
What you see activating in the brain of an addict during a scan is their dopamine centers.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 21 August 2010: My point is that "normal, mainstream porn" can be all the things I listed. It's all out there for anyone with internet access. Even in your "expert" opinion you have to see you're over generalizing. Also, just because something is out there, it ... (read in full...)
How can I get our sex life back on track? I'm not ready to give up sex!
Q. I have a problem and want to remanin anon. My wife and I have been married 9 yrs, and dated for 8 before that. We met in HS. We used to be open and discuss sex and try new things. Recently she has decided she will not perform oral, but wants me to ...
A. 21 August 2010: Based on your follow up it sounds almost like clinical depression to me. A marriage is a partnership, and it doesn't sound to me like that is going on. I'm glad to hear you've been to therapy. That's a great step. Now the major challenge is ... (read in full...)
He asked me to have sex, should I tell his girlfriend?
Q. A friend of mine has been flirting with me a lot lately, and i don't just mean casual flirting, i mean things like talking about what we used to do in bed etc... we used to have a casual thing going on last year. He has a girlfriend, and i feel bad ...
A. 20 August 2010: Nobody ever regretted taking the high road.
Good choice.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 August 2010: I'm with Tisha. There is every kind of porn out there under the sun.
You've got the ones where they are actors with lines and are playing out a scenario. Heck, I just saw a XXX parody of "That 70's Show." It was hardly degrading. It was funn... (read in full...)
My mom found my vibrator!
Q. Okay,well just a few minutes ago I went into my parents room because I have an earache and we were looking for the special tylenol that only works for my ear and I had left the vibrator underneath my pillow the night before and had fallen ...
A. 20 August 2010: I loved the: "Oh, I see you met Malcom." idea. That made me crack up and I bet it would her too.
Like everyone else said, it's embarrassing, but it will pass. My mom found dirty magazines under my bed once. It happens.
Relax and don... (read in full...)
Will an abusive ex boyfriend contact again after being warned by the police?
Q. Will an abusive ex boyfriend call after restraint order? i broke up with him for hitting, calling me names, cheating on me when we used to off and on, pushing me and when i decided to break up he was begging, pleading and stalking till i told par...
A. 20 August 2010: Congratulations for taking the steps to get away from this guy. There was a post from a girl in a similar situation recently that went back to her abusive BF. I hope she reads this and sees she's not alone.
If he contacts you, you call the poli... (read in full...)
Do I deserve her? How do I come to terms with myself?
Q. [OP original title] i have been dating this girl for 10 months. i liked her for along time and i went for it,i still think its a miracle that im with her. for he first nine months of our relationship i was really happy when i was with her, she so b...
A. 20 August 2010: LOOKS AREN'T EVERYTHING!!!
As guys, we tend to get hung up on looks. They often mean much more to us then they do to women. That's not to say that women don't find attractive guys attractive, but it doesn't mean they want a relationship with one... (read in full...)
He asked me to have sex, should I tell his girlfriend?
Q. A friend of mine has been flirting with me a lot lately, and i don't just mean casual flirting, i mean things like talking about what we used to do in bed etc... we used to have a casual thing going on last year. He has a girlfriend, and i feel bad ...
A. 20 August 2010: Yikes. Normally I'd say to stay out of it. The reason is that it's your word against his, and he likely has more credibility in her eyes than you.
However, you have a text as evidence. If you and your friend both have these, then I think yo... (read in full...)
I keep dreaming about this guy....
Q. This started last year in about September and I don't know why but lately I've started dreaming about this ex boyfriend of mine almost everyday and even when I don't think about him the whole day I still end up dreaming about him and they're good ...
A. 20 August 2010: I had similar things happen with an ex. I had been single for a while and she started creeping back into my thoughts and dreams. It started to bug me so I sat back and thought about it. I realized it was a closure issue. I broke it off with her, ... (read in full...)
Why would a girl lie about NOT having had an orgasm?
Q. ok so i have this new GF and she swears shes the **** in bed and that only two guys have ever made her have an orgasm and it was because she loved them. so wen we have sex i put out all my best moves and stuff and i no im good because every gi...
A. 20 August 2010: "and i no im good because every girl im with says im the best they ever had,"
This statement made me seriously LMAO. Guess what, they all say this. They know it makes you feel like THE MAN!!! It is a way to stroke our ego and make us feel eve... (read in full...)
We want to try sex without a condom, but what happens to the semen?
Q. Both me and my b/friend enjoy intercourse with a condom-we've never known anything else since being 1st timers. We'd fancy a change now-if only to see if there's any difference in pleasure or sensation.I'm happy to be responsible for precauti...
A. 20 August 2010: Well, step one is alternative birth control. Once that's taken care of, then go on with your plans.
What happens to it? Well, I'd recommend going to the bathroom afterword and letting it drain out. Some may stay in and swim to where it is suppo... (read in full...)
Getting the girl....
Q. Ok so theres this girl i like. She likes me too and has told me many times. We know we like each other. We have hooked up several times and we will give each other a kiss when we see each other or are saying bye. I really really really like her ...
A. 20 August 2010: So, to clarify, You've expressed that you like her and want to hang out with her, but don't want a relationship. She has expressed that she likes you but has a lot going on right now and therefore doesn't know what she wants.
Guess what, she know... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 August 2010: Wow, this thread really exploded didn't it.
First. To LucyLoos. I was the responder who discussed my sex drive. I find it admirable that you've been able to enhance yours to meet your husband's needs. That's excellent. My first choice i... (read in full...)
Do I tell her I've loved her for so long?
Q. I'll try and make this short! Basically I have been in love with a very close friend of mine for around 4/5 years (another girl). She knows I'm gay and she says she's straight. We went to the same school together and we have been best friends for ...
A. 20 August 2010: My suggestion would be to reconnect first. She likely doesn't reciprocate your feelings on the same level. I'm sure that she loves you, but more likely in a sisterly way. It would be incredibly awkward for someone who isn't in regular contact to ... (read in full...)
How can I get our sex life back on track? I'm not ready to give up sex!
Q. I have a problem and want to remanin anon. My wife and I have been married 9 yrs, and dated for 8 before that. We met in HS. We used to be open and discuss sex and try new things. Recently she has decided she will not perform oral, but wants me to ...
A. 20 August 2010: It sounds like there is something else going on here. Such a drastic change is usually a sign of a problem. For the immediate future, I think you need to forget about sex and look into the root of the problem. Most likely it is something ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend hit me last night!
Q. Last night my boyfriend and I were leaving a friends house and we got into an argument. After I got out of his truck he followed me and wanted to keep talking but I told him I was tired. He grabbed my arm, yanked me towards him and pushed my face to ...
A. 20 August 2010: What I'm about to say is going to sound harsh. I sincerely hope that you will read it and take it to heart. I'm going to start by analyzing your response here.
"Thank you everyone for answering. You all had great advice that i should have lis... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has let me down again. How do I handle this?
Q. I think im at the end of my fuse! my boyfriend has let me down again tonight.... hes off to v festival tomorrow and when i last saw him on monday he said he would call round even if it was just brief to say hi before he went. well i had to text him ...
A. 19 August 2010: Good to hear.
Has this taught you anything about overreacting?... (read in full...)
Fun experiment with my girlfriend and my friend?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years, and I have a subject that I don't know how to approach. My best friend recently joked that he wouldn't mind "a hand" from my girlfriend. She passed it off with a laugh, but later that day she asked ...
A. 19 August 2010: While it's a little more intense, I had a MMF threesome with my best friend and my girlfriend at the time. It was a lot of fun, and one of the most erotic things I've ever done. That being said I will never do it again if I'm in a committed ... (read in full...)
I want to do my cousin so much!
Q. im highly attracted to my older girl cousin shes older than me by a couple of years.shes once asked me if i jerk off in the morning and she asked me if i ever had sex n stuff like that.i also have dreams of m n her kissing.im not sure if she wans me ...
A. 19 August 2010: You can get onto a different page. She's your cousin and likely talking about that stuff with you because as family you're an asexual third party. If you tell her about this you are likely to freak her out and cause a major rift in the family when ... (read in full...)
Is it true that a man's heart is through his stomach?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles, i have been secretly crushing on a friend for a year now. I know he" loves" me like a buddy, but that's not what i want. We have always been close and i think he suspects i have feelings for him. But he is still hung up on ...
A. 19 August 2010: Lol, that expression has been around for as long as it has for a reason...
Really it comes back to the old school. Back when women were homemakers and nothing more. The best way to show your value was making sure your family was fed and your hom... (read in full...)
He is keeping his plans secret -- I'm afraid he's cheating
Q. Im worried my partner may be cheating. His told me tht he wants some space from everyone around him this weekend and that he has no plans. I tried making plans with him and well i just get, 'i need time to myself' tho just the other day he was...
A. 19 August 2010: Oooooo, tough one. Well, as I see it you have a few choices.
1. You can choose to believe him and give him the space he's requesting. Sometimes we just need to be alone. I know I do. It doesn't matter how much I love someone, sometime... (read in full...)
How to talk dirty with a man?
Q. How to talk dirty with a man? I love and respect him; I just need sth different. I need some erotic expressions ( not silly but serious and sensual to drive him crazy and wild). Something unusual and interesting! By the way to say that online,,, I ...
A. 19 August 2010: Dirty talk for when? How do you plan to use it? Are you going to use it in bed? Is this for phone sex? Is this for cyber sex? Do you want to be nasty, or teasing?
Ok, I'll give advice from a "sensual" in person type place.
Things that c... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has let me down again. How do I handle this?
Q. I think im at the end of my fuse! my boyfriend has let me down again tonight.... hes off to v festival tomorrow and when i last saw him on monday he said he would call round even if it was just brief to say hi before he went. well i had to text him ...
A. 19 August 2010: For god sakes don't text that!
My advice is to sleep on it. Give yourself a chance to unwind. Maybe take a relaxing bath with some scented candles or something so you can calm down. Nobody should ever break up via text. A friggin dear joh... (read in full...)
Why do guys always go for the "hot" girls vs the "cute" ones?
Q. I guess this question is more for guys but women your advice helps to. So my question is, why do guys always go for the "hot" girls vs the "cute" ones. By hot I mean girls who have a lot of sex apeal and of course they are beautiful. The ones ...
A. 19 August 2010: "Cute girls look inocent but arn't always so inocent. We just choose to keep are sexuality for are man. Men dont like it when all the other guys can tell how his women is in bed just by looking at her..."
2pac said it best. "It don't take a l... (read in full...)
Why do guys always go for the "hot" girls vs the "cute" ones?
Q. I guess this question is more for guys but women your advice helps to. So my question is, why do guys always go for the "hot" girls vs the "cute" ones. By hot I mean girls who have a lot of sex apeal and of course they are beautiful. The ones ...
A. 19 August 2010: What is a good personality?
Tough question. I think it really depends on the person you're asking. Everyone has their own take on this question. To me, it's someone who is confident, who's not afraid to speak her mind, who can admit when she... (read in full...)
Why has my friend stopped talking to me?
Q. okay well my friend and i talk about everything together but for some stupid reason hes ignoring me. For no reason wat so ever. It makes no sense whenever i trace my steps in the story. What is going on? well i have been talking to this guy he ...
A. 19 August 2010: There comes a point when you just need to give someone space. He'll come around. Do try to talk to him. I know some people who don't do well with conversation, but it is also the only way to really express what you're feeling. Written words ... (read in full...)
Why do guys always go for the "hot" girls vs the "cute" ones?
Q. I guess this question is more for guys but women your advice helps to. So my question is, why do guys always go for the "hot" girls vs the "cute" ones. By hot I mean girls who have a lot of sex apeal and of course they are beautiful. The ones ...
A. 19 August 2010: What did a friend tell me once (keep in mind he's kind of a dick)? Oh yeah, go for the ugos, the'll be way more appreciative and let you do whatever you want.
Really, "hot" girls are nice to look at, and can be a bit of a trophy GF. However,... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't want our third baby!
Q. Hi I am 24 years old and have been married for four years.I recently found out that I am pregnant for the third time and was scared but excited.My husband does not want me to have the baby and says he will leave if I do.I can't understand how he can ...
A. 19 August 2010: While I think adoption is admirable, I think it becomes exponentially harder when other children are involved. How do you explain to the others what happened to their baby brother/sister. They'll be thinking they are next.
Abortion is your cho... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 19 August 2010: "I love the man i met, i dont have any need or want to change him. I may not love the man he became if he tried."
Of your whole post (which I agree could really have used paragraphs) this is the sentence that summed up my stance on this topic. ... (read in full...)
Just can't say goodbye, why?
Q. what is wrong with me? I keep insisting that I remain in my ex-fiance's life. we broke up about a month ago. she just stopped all communication with me with no reason or anything. she has a disorder called ptsd and through everything, I still love ...
A. 19 August 2010: When we don't end the relationship it can be hard to let go. Add the fact that communication just stopped and no proper break was made and you have a recipe for what you're feeling. Basically it boils down to closure. You've received none. I ... (read in full...)
Why has my friend stopped talking to me?
Q. okay well my friend and i talk about everything together but for some stupid reason hes ignoring me. For no reason wat so ever. It makes no sense whenever i trace my steps in the story. What is going on? well i have been talking to this guy he ...
A. 19 August 2010: "well i've tried everything sent him a text, sent him a message on facebook, and wrote on his wall. But its not working."
This seriously made me laugh. WTF is wrong with kids these days that they think this is communication. NEWS FLASH: THIS ISN... (read in full...)
I'm completely in love with my BF... but I can't stop hooking up with other men!!
Q. Sorry for the long comment- I've been dating my boyfriend for two years now and i'm completely inlove with him- i think. when i think about him it's wonderful, and i love kissing him and he has the sweetest eyes. The problem is that i often ...
A. 19 August 2010: "but we have such a strong relationship." Stop right there. You don't have a strong relationship. You have a relationship built around lies. Lies that are starting to get the better of you or you wouldn't be here. If you want to show him that ... (read in full...)
Am I overeacting for being angry when he doesn't call after saying he will?
Q. When my boyfriend says he'll call me this time and once when it gets close to the time he either says give me 5min and once when his 5min r up he says he's not going to call it happens often I get mad and fusterated at him for doing that. Do u think ...
A. 19 August 2010: He's going to college huh, and can't call you back... Good luck. I know you didn't ask, but I'll offer this nugget. Your relationship will likely end in the next year. I'm not saying this to be mean, but if it's already under this much stress, I ... (read in full...)
Anyone can answer this one..
Q. My queation is.. and anyone can answer this question, male or female.. i am an extremely attractive woman. i have 4 children with my husband and by looking at me you wouldnt think i even have any..i am very down to earth... i can talk to him abou...
A. 19 August 2010: Low yes, but you have to admit it was a little funny. Well, maybe not to you. Q is right. Do now what you should have done then. It is time to leave. It sounds like he has no desire to change, and you have no desire to remain in this ... (read in full...)
I just want him to be my best friend again, what can I do about my feelings for him?
Q. ok so me and my best friend (a guy...he's bi) have known eachother for like 6 yrs and were really really close. weve always hung out around once a week, sometimes twice and always spend hours and hours just hanging out. weve spent almost the whole ...
A. 18 August 2010: I can tell you're confused. You're in a tough spot. I can empathize because I too have a crush on an unavailable close friend. I've tried showing her how much I care. I know in my heart that she knows how I feel, even without me telling her, but ... (read in full...)
Do I go for it or do I wait?
Q. hey im 13 and in a month im gunnu lose my virginty im not shur if me or my gf are ready we both realy love eachother if i had 2 lose it to anyone its her and this bleeding think is frekin me out and im kinda strong and dont know my own strength if ...
A. 18 August 2010: Read this: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/pregnant-preteen.html
Don't for a second think that can't happen to you.... (read in full...)
Do I go for it or do I wait?
Q. hey im 13 and in a month im gunnu lose my virginty im not shur if me or my gf are ready we both realy love eachother if i had 2 lose it to anyone its her and this bleeding think is frekin me out and im kinda strong and dont know my own strength if ...
A. 18 August 2010: No, you should wait. 13 is far to young to be having sex. If you still feel this way about eachother in a couple of years, then maybe. Please wait. You'll have your whole life to be an adult and worry about sex. Please enjoy the simplicity of ... (read in full...)
I think he used me! why do boys do this?
Q. there is this boy who i really liked, ive liked him for 5months now, we snuck out, one night and we has sexual intercourse, and then the next day he ignored me and he keeps ignoring me, and i feel very used, i really love him, why do boys do that to ...
A. 18 August 2010: It's because you're kids and NEITHER of you are READY FOR SEX! He doesn't know what he's feeling just like you don't. You need to be in a proper relationship before you have sex with someone. Casual sex isn't healthy even when you're an adult. ... (read in full...)
Morning sex. optional? or required?
Q. I've been casually seeing a guy for about 6 weeks now. While I am not terribly experienced in sex and dating, I have been using this opportunity to gain a bit of insight into boys. The few nights I went back to his place I ended up leaving at 3 or 4 ...
A. 18 August 2010: No, waking up together is just what it says. Morning sex is great, and a wonderful start to the day, but the intimacy of waking up together can't be overlooked either.
Here's an example. I like to cuddle a little before going to sleep, but slee... (read in full...)
I have a sexual problem and it's killing me!
Q. I have a sexual problem which is killing me! When I was a teenager, I was horny as hell. Always horny, fantasizing and masturbating (although I couldn't orgasm back then). Then I started dating a guy at 18. The first months, I was horny all the ti...
A. 18 August 2010: I have no idea. The only thing I can think of is that you're putting too much psychological pressure on yourself to enjoy it, and that is blocking the pleasure from happening. When you're having sex, are you thinking about why you aren't gettin ... (read in full...)
She's my sweet angel and not a slave!
Q. Hey yall, My GF is like my Sweet little Angel, but the problem with her is that she accepts to anything and everything that I say... like If I wanna have sex midnight she is OKAY with it... If I need a blowjob she is OKAY wi...
A. 18 August 2010: Show her you appreciate what she does. Treat her well and charish this relationship. She'll only be your slave if you treat her that way. Treat her like your angel, because that's what she sounds like to me.... (read in full...)
How do I keep my long distance relationship strong
Q. Im so worried! My and my boyfriend have been dating for about four months now, hes 25 and im 19. We had been dating about a month and i moved an hour away to go to college. We see each other almost every weekend when either i can come down or he can ...
A. 18 August 2010: One of my co-workers just married her high school sweetheart about a year ago after having an LDR all through college. She came home every weekend so they could see eachother. She went to school about 3 hours away from home. They just had their ... (read in full...)
Do you think he's angry with me?
Q. My ex "friends with benefits" i guess you could call him was talking to me the other day and asked if i was dating anybody, he has a new gf which is why we are no longer sleeping together, i said i was dating somebody and he asked if it was serious ...
A. 18 August 2010: You can't in my book. If you really love them, you won't cheat on them.... (read in full...)
Anyone can answer this one..
Q. My queation is.. and anyone can answer this question, male or female.. i am an extremely attractive woman. i have 4 children with my husband and by looking at me you wouldnt think i even have any..i am very down to earth... i can talk to him abou...
A. 18 August 2010: Maybe he's sick of hearing about how awesome you are and wants someone who focuses on him for a change? I'm sorry, that was a cheap shot and a bad joke, but after your "the glory of me" intro it was hard to resist.
Honestly, there are lots of ... (read in full...)
Please get out of my head!
Q. Hey Everyone. So I really just need som advice on how to get a boy off of my mind. I made the huge mistake of becoming friends with a boy who is a complete player and will try to convince girl into doing things that they arnt ready for. I was one ...
A. 18 August 2010: *note, telling people how not to reply isn't really how asking advice works.
Don't worry about your concerns though, I think you've handled yourself pretty well so far. You found yourself in a situation you weren't comfortable with and ended it... (read in full...)
Am I overeacting for being angry when he doesn't call after saying he will?
Q. When my boyfriend says he'll call me this time and once when it gets close to the time he either says give me 5min and once when his 5min r up he says he's not going to call it happens often I get mad and fusterated at him for doing that. Do u think ...
A. 18 August 2010: It's not good to say you'll do something and then not follow through. HOWEVER, you are overreacting. Eyes hit the nail on the head. Guys don't like needy control freaks.... (read in full...)
Why has my friend stopped talking to me?
Q. okay well my friend and i talk about everything together but for some stupid reason hes ignoring me. For no reason wat so ever. It makes no sense whenever i trace my steps in the story. What is going on? well i have been talking to this guy he ...
A. 18 August 2010: Yup, he probably liked you and is upset because you're slipping away, and to someone he doesn't like. If he's talking to you about his FWB's though, he probably realizes that it's a lost cause for him right now and has moved on. He wanted you to ... (read in full...)
I'm completely in love with my BF... but I can't stop hooking up with other men!!
Q. Sorry for the long comment- I've been dating my boyfriend for two years now and i'm completely inlove with him- i think. when i think about him it's wonderful, and i love kissing him and he has the sweetest eyes. The problem is that i often ...
A. 18 August 2010: Quit being so selfish and quit hurting your BF. If you loved him you wouldn't be doing this shit. Plain and simple.
He's your everything, but you can't even be faithful to him? Really? You don't want to lose him but you cheat on him multiple... (read in full...)
Do you think he's angry with me?
Q. My ex "friends with benefits" i guess you could call him was talking to me the other day and asked if i was dating anybody, he has a new gf which is why we are no longer sleeping together, i said i was dating somebody and he asked if it was serious ...
A. 18 August 2010: Well done! I'm happy that you've taken that step. ... (read in full...)
I just want him to be my best friend again, what can I do about my feelings for him?
Q. ok so me and my best friend (a guy...he's bi) have known eachother for like 6 yrs and were really really close. weve always hung out around once a week, sometimes twice and always spend hours and hours just hanging out. weve spent almost the whole ...
A. 18 August 2010: As a friend you have to be happy for him, even when it pains you to do so. I think your friend Michelle was correct in her observations and you missed the boat. Now that he's in a relationship, that's taking up the majority of his time. They're ... (read in full...)
Do you think he's angry with me?
Q. My ex "friends with benefits" i guess you could call him was talking to me the other day and asked if i was dating anybody, he has a new gf which is why we are no longer sleeping together, i said i was dating somebody and he asked if it was serious ...
A. 17 August 2010: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/he-has-a-girlfriend-now-so-what-does.html
He's angry because he lost his fuck buddy. I thought we established that. He doesn't care about you since he's not getting in your pants anymore. He is a player.... (read in full...)
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