A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Will an abusive ex boyfriend call after restraint order?i broke up with him for hitting, calling me names, cheating on me when we used to off and on, pushing me and when i decided to break up he was begging, pleading and stalking till i told parents they warned him but no use he called again after a while and now he been warned by the police not contact again with knowledge i lost my virginity to him i want to know what will he do and whether he will contact again and if so how much time it takes him to do that ?well i ask this because im really tired of convincing him that the pain he caused me is more than i loved and cared about as i was really good and faithful gf and i have nothing in hand to do more than warn him through the police to stop contacting me so i wonder if anyone has experienced situation like this and im really thankful to your concern and advise
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broke up, lost my virginity, stalking Reply to this Question
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (20 August 2010):
 Congratulations for taking the steps to get away from this guy. There was a post from a girl in a similar situation recently that went back to her abusive BF. I hope she reads this and sees she's not alone.
If he contacts you, you call the police. A good friend of mine was in the same boat. She put him in jail multiple times for violating the restraining order. He moved away and hasn't been heard from since. Stay strong, and stay smart. He will likely contact you again, but eventually he will stop. I wish you the best and am very happy that you were able to get out of this situation. The hardest part is over, now just don't let him back into your life.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (20 August 2010):
 Maybe, maybe not. Hard to judge since I don't him. The restraining order worked so far, so that is hopeful as he knows enough to follow the law but you got the beware for when the restraint order ends, that might be taken as a sign you accept him again (remember, logic and wife beaters don't go together)
Be firm, ABSOLUTELY firm and this means NO explaining. NO talking WHATSOEVER. Not hello. Not even NO. Not even "I am calling the cops". No communications whatsoever. IF you see him, walk away, immediately and to a place he can't follow.
That is because people can see turn any slightest sign into what they want to see, in his case that you want him back.
So do NOT explain to him how much he hurts you. You might think you are telling him you never want to see him again, he hears "I love you".
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A
female
reader, Jay25  +, writes (20 August 2010):
 Well done for actually leaving him in the first place, many women are too afraid to even get out of the situation, unfortunately I dont think many abuse partners ever change, the hitting is followed by apologies followed by more hitting.
The best thing you can do is cut off all lines of comunication even if that means changing your number, for more advise I would recommed conntacting Womens aid or the national domesticviolence helpline 0808 2000 247
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell i don't really know im scared to death yet till now he didn't show up for almost a month so i wonder is it over or i will go through that hell of abuse again coz whenever i say no he hurt me with abusive behavior and now though that serious warning should stop him
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): You need to be very wary of this guy. He will contact you again, this is certain. For him it's a compulsion an obsession. You need to take certain precautions for a while because men like him can be very dangerous.
Every time he tries to contact you, call the police. Be very careful when going to and from places too. Never go alone, day or night if at all possible. Don't be a prisoner just take precautions.
You have to watch your back for a while, don't let your guard down for a minute. Because he's not going to give up any time soon in fact he might just get more sneaky. If you see him on the street at any time, call the police, even if he doesn't approach you. It's important that you do this, as they will log it each time and this is important for evidential purposes.
This guy could get a hell of a lot worse, because he needs help. Don't respond to any kind of contact he tries. No emails, no texts, no phone calls nothing, you have to make sure he knows the door is fully closed.
Any kind of contact he tries to make, report it there and then as I said if he keeps doing that he will go to jail.
I'm not sure how legal pepper spray is in canada but if it get some. Look into personal protection, look into self defence classes. People might think I'm being over cautious here but situations like these are far too common and very often fatal.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 August 2010):
 I hope he NEVER calls you again, honey. But I don't know if he will or not. Men like that have big problems with limits and being "told" what the can and can not do. YOU need to stay safe.
And i truly hope you fill find yourself a therapist or a abuse support group.
And.. YOU DO DESERVE BETTER then that jerk!
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (20 August 2010):
 Stop worrying about this - if he does try and contact you again report him to the police AGAIN! Have him arrested if you have to - this will be the only way he will get the message that you mean what you say.
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