A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:[OP original title]i have been dating this girl for 10 months. i liked her for along time and i went for it,i still think its a miracle that im with her. for he first nine months of our relationship i was really happy when i was with her, she so beautiful and talented. guys always stare at her any where she goes, but me...im average. im short(5'4), i have terrible eczema and allergies, my eyes have a yellow hue to them and with overall looks im nothing great,girls dont stare at me when i go places. she loves me to death though, when she goes on vacation she tells me she misses me and tells me she wants to be in my arms, then i think to myself..why? why does she love me? do i even deserve a girl like this? so i brought it up with her. she said she loves me the way i am and everything about me and that she doesnt deserve anyone else but me. but i have this feeling inside that keeps telling me that im not good enough, its agonizing to feel this way, its tearing me apart. part of me wants to end it because i hate feeling this way and because she deserves a taller more better looking guy. i really dont know how to come to terms with the fact that she loves a disease ridden guy like me. i dont even really like me...i really need some help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): Yeah its just about getting your self-image back on track. trust us those physical attributes don't make the person. You have to learn to be happy with every part of yourself inside and out. but hey 10 months congrats, I'd say just enjoy each other, life's short. and trust me - there are many conventionally good looking people that can't get someone to love them. - anyone who has someone love them is extremely lucky, don't let her go over this reason...
A
female
reader, BeSimplyTrue  +, writes (20 August 2010):
 I think the issue is definitely with you, not about her and your relationship with her (you probably knew that, but I thought I'd state it right off the bat). It sounds like you have formed this really negative self-image and you are clinging to it even more strongly now that your girl is expressing love and devotion to you.
First I would advise trying to counter all your negative assessments of yourself with positive assessments. Not in a denial kind of way, like "Eczema is awesome! I love it!" but for every complaint you have about yourself (ex. eczema) think of a compliment to yourself (ex. caring, loyal, funny, etc.).
And do try to think of SOME positives about your physical appearance too. I mean, not being tall isn't even bad necessarily. My boyfriend and I are basically the same height, which is nice because when we stand together and kiss it's very easy and sweet, instead of me having to crane my neck and angle my face upward like I would with a taller guy.
I think that listing your positives to counter the negatives (you might even want to do it on paper) would be a good start, but don't stop there. Browse a bookstore (online ones are good for reading customer reviews) and find some good self-help books about learning to love yourself and build your self-esteem. Conquering this negative self-image will be good for your romantic relationship but it goes so far beyond that. You have to live your life inside your own head, and right now it sounds like your head has not been a very pleasant place to be, with you being so down on yourself. So please give it a try, do some reading, and learn to love yourself.
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A
female
reader, LilPixie  +, writes (20 August 2010):
 I know how you feel, I have terrible eczema too and my asthma isn't much better at times. I have about a million food and pet allergies... I get extremely selfconscious about my skin - my legs are the worst - and even used to get bullied at school for it. I never wear skirts or dresses without leggings or black tights.
I thought the same thing about my boyfriend being with me. But if she says that she loves you the way you are then I'm sure that she means it. Sounds to me like she's one of the decent type of girls who cares more about what's on the inside than the outside.
I used to hate the fact that i have eczema and asthma, but now I just joke about it.
There isn't much I can say that is going to make you feel better. You just need to realise that it's not your fault that you have this and there isn't much you can do about it.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (20 August 2010):
 LOOKS AREN'T EVERYTHING!!!
As guys, we tend to get hung up on looks. They often mean much more to us then they do to women. That's not to say that women don't find attractive guys attractive, but it doesn't mean they want a relationship with one. Honestly, many attractive guys know they look good and are very arrogant. They can also tend to be players because their looks open alot of doors.
You make her happy. She loves you. For god sakes why would you want to throw that away if she makes you happy too? Really, we're dealing with a self esteem issue. You don't feel good enough because of your issues, but guess what, she doesn't care about them. She likes that you idolize her. You make her feel beautiful. You make her feel important. You make her feel loved and appreciated.
You make eachother happy, so for god sakes be happy and hold onto her. Show her your love and she'll do the same. 10 months wouldn't happen if she was using you. You found someone who accepts you. Now you just have to accept yourself and be happy.
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A
female
reader, zebralove +, writes (20 August 2010):
 Shut up! you DO deserve her! You know why!? Because YOU LOVE her TRUELY and you wouldnt hurt her. Am I right? GOOD!
Nice guys finish last? Not in my book! Or eny other girls book for that matter.
You need to stop being so insecure tho this might push her away.
Did you ever watch the comedy movie *Shes out of my league* Well DO IT!
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