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... Send *irtball a private message | | | *irtball's profile:Hello DC. Some of you may be wondering where I were I went. My life has taken a turn that has taken me away from here for the time being. I'm not really answering many questions at this time. If you PM me, I will respond, but it may be delayed a week or two. I had many problems dumped on me of my own, so I don't have much energy for the problems of others. I'll be back, but it just may be a while.
Wow, been away longer than anticipated. To sum it up, life sort of sucks for me at the moment. Not looking for pity, just letting you know why I haven't been around. I still hope things will get better soon, but who knows.
ALERT: If you're sending me a PM in regard to advice I've given you, please reference the thread or specifics so I can be on the same page. Lately I've been receiving lots of PM's with an answer to some question I asked, but since the question was from an Anon poster, I have no idea which answer it was in regard to. I give a lot of advice here, so I'm very sorry if I don't immediately recognize you. The question title or a link would be most appreciated. Thank you!
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Hi, I'm the bad bad charming sweetheart dirtball. Although recently I seem to have picked up the moniker "Dirty Balls" despite making sure to clean them thoroughly each day. Anyway, I love this site. I have a BA in Psychology which is part of the reason I think I like this site so much. I posted anon for quite some time before creating my profile. I took to the brutally honest approach which has gotten me in trouble a few times, but for the most part has gone quite well. I enjoy helping people and at times challenging them when I think it is appropriate.
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I've been getting lots of great feedback on my advice and I appreciate it, even if you didn't like it. With that said, I'd like to add a segment here I'll call (drum roll please)
DIRTBALL'S RULES ABOUT PEOPLE AND DATING (in no particular order)
Men don't befriend women who they are not interested in sexually. What do I mean by this? I mean that men will not actively seek out friends of the opposite sex unless they would like to make the friendship progress further at some point. Plain and simple, that's how we operate. Are there circumstances where they are actually just friends? Yes, those would be times when you are forced together in some way. Examples could be; fellow employees at work, a regular customer at work, shared friend circle. The key to watch for is if he looks to spend time with her alone. That's usually the sign that he has a romantic interest in the relationship.
Long Distance Relationships don't work. Go ahead and tell me your success stories, I don't care. Most of the time it is just way too hard for the parties involved. Too much doubt creeps into the relationship. Plus, can you really call it a relationship if you only get to be together rarely? I think not.
Once broken up, you should stay that way. Make up/break up relationships don't work. Why do you always feel the need to break up? It's because things aren't working. Then you miss each other and get back together, only to have the very thing that drove you apart last time do it again. It is a cycle that doesn't get better. All you're doing is preventing yourself from finding someone who will actually make you happy.
People only change if they really (and I mean REALLY) want to for themselves. Changes for the benefit of others are temporary. True change is very hard to make. It requires diligence, effort, and support.
Communication is the most important part of your relationship. So many times we have people here asking about how they should handle a situation when the solution is simply to talk to your partner about it. We forget how important this is. It affects everything. If you are feeling upset about something, it is best that you discuss it with your partner instead of burying it and letting it brew. Later it will explode when it could have just been a calm discussion if addressed right away. Communicate with your partner. If you never talk, why are you even together?
People can love each other and not be right for a relationship. This kind of goes back to the make up/break up rule from earlier but it extends to present partners or exes as well. When someone is part of your life, especially for long periods of time, it is natural that part of the love you carry for them will always be there. Just because you love someone though, that doesn't mean you should be together. That's the case with most of my ex GF's as I'm sure it is with many other people. Sometimes you need to consider if love is making you do foolish things.
You should set ground rules in your relationships. Let your partner know about deal breakers. Deal breakers being defined as things they would do that would cause you to end the relationship. It is good to get these out of the way when you are getting serious. That way, you can refer back to them if your partner does something against said ground rules. An example that I tell all my girlfriends (including friends who I'm not romantically involved with) is that I will never answer the question "Am I fat" or any variation of it (does this make me look fat, does my butt look big, etc). I explain why too. It's a trap question. Answer yes, and that's obvious. Answer no, and "you're just saying that." So I won't entertain that question. I know, silly, but this works for the bigger picture too. Figure out what's important enough to you that you'd be willing to end a relationship. Tell your partner what these things are. If they want to be with you, they should know.
When one person in a relationship has a problem, it's a problem for the relationship. You're not alone in your relationship, and dismissing your partner's problem doesn't solve anything. It makes them feel devalued and unimportant. Why don't you care enough to address something they think is a problem? It's because you know it's a problem but want to hide. Don't hide from it. If you do, it won't go away.
When a relationship ends, you need to give yourself proper time to grieve it. Like dealing with death, you go through the same stages. Denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and finally acceptance. This is part of the problem with rebound relationships. Take the time you need. Don't be afraid to wait.
Let the past be the past. It's over, it's done, and there is nothing that can be done to change it. There is no use dwelling on it because there is nothing that can be done about it. Don't worry about things that cannot be changed. You can't drive a car by only looking in the rear view mirror.
I'm sure there will be more to come, but these are the few I've seen myself repeat a lot in my rather short time here.
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This is, hands down, the best conversation I've seen about porn yet on this site: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-there-no-middle-ground-when-it.html
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Dirtball Rants:
1) What the hell happened to punctuation and grammar? I blame text messaging for the trash I see people write. It's not the content but the way it's expressed that makes me wonder what's happening to society. I realize that we're a multinational forum here, and I give a complete pass to someone who is doing their best despite the fact that English isn't their first language. But the crap I see from Americans, the British, Canadians, and Australians often makes me sick. If any of you read this, your posts would be much easier to read if you used paragraphs, sentences with punctuation, and whole words instead of abreviations like U, cuz, or wut! Quit being so fucking lazy if you want help.
2) There is a difference between the words your and you're. "Your" denotes ownership. "You're" is the contraction of "you are." Saying something like "your lame" is wrong wrong wrong! The same goes for there, their, and they're. "There" is used for things like places (look over there). "Their" denotes ownership (they wanted their cookies back). "They're" is the contraction of "they are." An example, "they're going to the service station over there to pick up their car which was just repaired." I bet that just blew your mind.
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Abreviations.
I use a lot of abreviations when I type advice so I'm going to start a list of the most common ones I see for use as a reference tool.
OP - Original Poster, the person asking for advice.
BF - Boyfriend
GF - Girlfriend
SO - Significant Other, your BF, GF, Fiance, or spouse in other words.
BTW - By the way
FWIW - For what it's worth
TBH - To be honest
IDC - I Don't Care
IDK - I Don't Know
IMHO - In My Humble Opinion
IMO - In My Opinion
IOW - In Other Words
THO - Titty Hard On (erect nipples) |
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Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 April 2011: Having not checked back here in quite a while, I've got some thoughts to share about your last post person12345.
To me, it's not just the women in porn that are interchangable, but the men too. Often they are nothing more than a hard cock. I... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 November 2010: Yes, I'd still do it but not very often. There are other reasons behind the behavior that don't all revolve around sexual satisfaction. It is a stress relief. I also use it to help improve sexual stamina so that I can perform better and last ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 November 2010: Holy crap! I think we just had breakthrough time didn't we! I'm very glad that there are women like you out there. I hope to meet one of my own someday. I'm also glad it seems like you've found the source of your feelings about his porn ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 October 2010: Sad, I know. Actually, I can think of one time it happened and one time it almost did. Once it happened on accident, but fortunately for me we were in a 69 and she was having one at the same time so she didn't care. Another told me she swallowed ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 October 2010: Good point Gabrielle. Let me rephrase, your attitude about sex is special. As is yours Smiliek. I hope to meet a woman with similar feelings toward sex someday.
Do guys prefer a handjob or bj when getting a "release?"
This guy prefers a bj... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 27 October 2010: You're a special girl Gabrielle, and I envy your partner. The only girl I've met who had a similar attitude to you as far as sex turned out to be a manipulative psycho. That relationship never would have lasted so long if the sex wasn't so ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 27 October 2010: Good questions, and no you're not all alone, I keep checking in and referring people in situations similar to yours back to this thread.
Can a guy have enough sex that he doesn't need to masturbate?
Yes and no. I've found that (at least in my ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 13 October 2010: Welcome back Mia. Glad you got everything sorted out!... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 8 October 2010: I agree. It is lazy. It also becomes harder to fantasize if you're constantly bombarding yourself with these images. The problem in my life is that I haven't found many women with comparable sex drives. Most of the women I've been with have ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 7 October 2010: I agree to a point. I think part of the appeal of porn with regard to masturbation is that it is easy and highly accessable. Can I masturbate without it? Sure. The thing is that it takes longer. At least for me. If I just want to make it fast, ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 7 October 2010: Ha! Just because they happen doesn't mean they need to be accepted. I see people who don't pay their taxes every day. Death is hard to cheat though.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 6 October 2010: Nobody ever has to accept anything they don't want to. I do believe that a lot of people believe that someone may have to accept something but the truth is that it is your right as an individual to make your own choices as to what you'll accept or ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 5 October 2010: I'm still reading it. :-)
I think that's because of the fact that it's viewed as "taboo." These are conversations that need to take place in a relationship. It makes the relationship stronger if both parties lay out their expectations for each... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 30 September 2010: I think you're right person12345, there is a bit of the ostrich syndrome going on here. I have some thoughts on this question though: "If she's already insecure and that makes it worse, why wouldn't he want to make her feel better?"
This is a sli... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 29 September 2010: OK Friends, we're opened back up. I just wanted to post a reminder to everyone to keep it civil. I haven't seen anything like that in a while, but it's still worthy of a reminder.
So, without further delay, please let the conversation continue... (read in full...)
I want to fake a pregnany to get back at him!
Q. I already know what everyone will say to this, but please say it anyway! I met a guy on an internet dating site and we have been speaking on msn for a few months, he lives about 100 miles away from me and seemed to really like me. he kept begging me ...
A. 27 September 2010: At the same time it might not be a bad idea to establish his paternity. That way you can get child support and what not. Even if you say you don't want it now, raising a child is difficult and expensive. He should at a minimum be financially ... (read in full...)
How would people feel about a 40 and 19 year old being together?
Q. I need a bit of help here, im a 40 year old man and really like a 19 year old girl. A lot of you might think im only interested in her for one thing but im not although the sex would be great, theres more to it than that. How would people feel ...
A. 8 September 2010: Having kids the same age as her makes things harder. Say things work out, how would your kids feel having a step mom the same age as them? My guess is creeped out.
Ultimately it is up to you, but factor in the people you may hurt into your dec... (read in full...)
What to do when head and heart are telling you different things?
Q. What can you do when your heart and head are in conflict about your relationship? What can you do when your heart is telling you this is the woman of your dreams, someone you completely love and would wait an eternity for, while your head is sta...
A. 7 September 2010: Go with your heart. It is more pure then your head.
My question is this; is this someone you're in a relationship with, or someone you want to be in a relationship with? If you're in a relationship, then enjoy it. If you're crushing on her, ... (read in full...)
Cheating girlfriend
Q. I've been dating this girl for four months and i was aware she was a slut by the time i got involved with her but i thought she was going to change as time goes on but she didnt. I use to call her a slut and she kept on telling me that she was not ...
A. 7 September 2010: You don't have to do anything you don't want to. If she was out screwing around, then I'd drop her. It's not worth the risk.
Holding someone's past against them is wrong in a relationship, but present actions are a different story. She's tr... (read in full...)
Help! How do I know if my girlfriend is attracted to me?
Q. Okay so I have posted two previous questions and got some good answers, all I want to know now is how do I know if my girlfriend is attracted to me? We have been dating for a month and have been really really close for around 5 months, she asked me ...
A. 7 September 2010: She'll show you through her actions. Remembering little things that seem meaningless at the time. Offering comfort if you've had a bad day. Being there with you.
She asked you out, that means she's attracted to you. You can't test love. I... (read in full...)
Help me translate what he meant by his comment!
Q. Hey, so I need some help to translate a comment this guy made. I know him through work, he asked me out at the weekend, had a great time, went to a movie. Then asked me out again last night. Again, had a great time. He sent me a text saying ...
A. 7 September 2010: Yes, that's a good thing. Think about what being a kid means to most people. To many it means being care free, focused on fun, and innocent. I'd think it was a great thing if someone made me feel that way.
He was paying you a complime... (read in full...)
How would people feel about a 40 and 19 year old being together?
Q. I need a bit of help here, im a 40 year old man and really like a 19 year old girl. A lot of you might think im only interested in her for one thing but im not although the sex would be great, theres more to it than that. How would people feel ...
A. 7 September 2010: Ultimately it doesn't matter how other people feel, you need to ask yourself how you'll feel.
I wonder what you'd have in common with a woman less than half your age. I know that at 30 I feel like I have very little in common with girls who are ... (read in full...)
Magic Number - 5 too many?
Q. I told a close (male) friend of mine my magic number the other day (5). He seemed to think it was pretty high. I can account for these: 1. first time 2. 3 yr relationship 3. short relationship 4. 1 night stand 5. current relationship. I hav...
A. 7 September 2010: 1) I don't think that's high. It more depends on the "how it got there" versus the actual number.
2) It will bother some guys more then others.
I think your current relationship sounds like you both have taken the mature approach. It's ... (read in full...)
Help!!! What can I say to ask her out?
Q. I met a girl at a house party 2 weeks ago, we got on really well but I never got her number. However I managed to be added by her on facebook (she even sent me a message before I could). I want to ask her out but I don't kow how to when the only way...
A. 7 September 2010: Well, if FB is your only source of contact try asking her for her number through there. Then you can call her up and ask her on a date. Otherwise, if you know of another party, try inviting her through FB and set up a proper date when she shows ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend just left me and I want her back. How should I proceed?
Q. My girlfriend just recently left me. She danced around a couple of reasons such as her issues, she pushed me away, etc... But in the end she said I was a really great guy, a really great boyfriend, but she wants to be single. We dated for almost...
A. 6 September 2010: Two words, booty call. You did the right thing.... (read in full...)
Is it because we had sex too early?
Q. my bf wont call me anymore, or text me like before and I havent done anything wrong,, i dont think its because we had sex too early, because right after we did, he didnt leave, soo I dont think its for that. Whats the matter??...
A. 6 September 2010: Have you asked him? We're not psychic...... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 September 2010: Katy, I didn't realize you were the anon poster. However, I never said you don't belong here, just the negativity you were expressing.
I was pushing for contributions, not attacks. Please do contribute. ... (read in full...)
How can I spice my sex life up?
Q. Dear Cupid, my boyfriend and i have been having sex 3-4 times a week, now we barley do it once a week because he never wants to, any way to spice things up or any advice?...
A. 2 September 2010: Wake him up with a bj. That ought to get a rise out of him.... (read in full...)
I want to fake a pregnany to get back at him!
Q. I already know what everyone will say to this, but please say it anyway! I met a guy on an internet dating site and we have been speaking on msn for a few months, he lives about 100 miles away from me and seemed to really like me. he kept begging me ...
A. 2 September 2010: Having been on the receiving end of faked pregnancies, I'm very against such things. I'd recommend reading the story of the boy who cried wolf.
That being said, he was an ass. I believe that people like him get what's coming to them. There is... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 September 2010: Anon poster, where your argument about men fails is your statement about their actions. Actions and thoughts are two very different things. Just because we may fantasize about something, that doesn't mean we will, or even we want to in reality, ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend just left me and I want her back. How should I proceed?
Q. My girlfriend just recently left me. She danced around a couple of reasons such as her issues, she pushed me away, etc... But in the end she said I was a really great guy, a really great boyfriend, but she wants to be single. We dated for almost...
A. 2 September 2010: I would just chalk this up as more proof she isn't interested in getting back together. A bag by the door is your best option.... (read in full...)
Husband no longer watches porn and now goes too quickly. How do I help him?
Q. Trying to keep this short and to the point: my husband used to get so turned on just by looking at me. Then I got pregnant and he didn't want to have much sex (i can understand, there's a baby in there! lol) I just had my baby 3 months ago, and I ...
A. 31 August 2010: I'd venture he isn't masturbating as much as he once was. See if he can't "release " earlier in the day before you have sex. ... (read in full...)
Checked out a porn link in my b/f's history
Q. I have a huge problem with my boyfriend's porn watching habbit. We've talked about it, and despite saying he'd never watch again, he still watches it every time I'm not home like I knew he would. But that's not EXACTLY why I'm upset. I feel super ...
A. 31 August 2010: Thanks for telling us what you don't want to hear ... that's useful...
Degrading porn is growing in its popularity. That doesn't make it right, but that is the industry trend. You don't have trouble accept it in your relationship, but just bec... (read in full...)
I had sex with my brother's 31 year old friend. My brother will kill us!
Q. okay this is gonna sound well bad but here goes i went to my brother's friend's wedding this sunday just gone, and my brothers other friend who i have just recently fancied was there, i got really drunk like really drunk and randomly he started ...
A. 31 August 2010: Forget it ever happened and move on. Try to make better decisions in the future.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend just left me and I want her back. How should I proceed?
Q. My girlfriend just recently left me. She danced around a couple of reasons such as her issues, she pushed me away, etc... But in the end she said I was a really great guy, a really great boyfriend, but she wants to be single. We dated for almost...
A. 31 August 2010: I wouldn't contact her at all. She said those things about the relationship to let you down easily. If she wanted to be with you she would be. Letting her go will be best for you. My guess is that there is another reason for the breakup she's ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend just left me and I want her back. How should I proceed?
Q. My girlfriend just recently left me. She danced around a couple of reasons such as her issues, she pushed me away, etc... But in the end she said I was a really great guy, a really great boyfriend, but she wants to be single. We dated for almost...
A. 31 August 2010: I'd continue on the route you're on. Let her go. If it was meant to be, she'll be back. Don't hold out too long though, you could miss a great opportunity. ... (read in full...)
How can he be so calm and want sex when I might be pregnant?
Q. I told my bf today I'd been feeling strange and he looked worried, asked me if I thought I was pregnant. I said I didn't think so (though I was trembling) but he insisted I take a test soon because he thought there was a strong chance. On his lead, ...
A. 31 August 2010: His behavior is that of someone who was ok with the idea being discussed. You'll want to get to the root of why he is so calm. He may want a baby, or he may think you'll abort it. Whatever the case, take a test so you know with more certainty ... (read in full...)
Why is he saying he doesn't deserve me?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 5 years and recently he has been sayin that he doesn't deserve me. He keeps saying that I should break up with him and everything. I don't know if he doesn't love anymore or he wants to find some one new....
A. 31 August 2010: It is either a manifestation of guilt about something, or a way to test your love. Neither are a good sing in my book.... (read in full...)
Matching shirts? With hearts on them?! Is this abnormal?
Q. My girlfriend made matching shirts with another guy. They are extremely lame and have hearts on them..but she wears the shirt to school quite often. Is this abnormal or is it just me?...
A. 31 August 2010: Tacky? Yes. Abnormal? Not if they were a couple. In your case, I'd be worried. ... (read in full...)
Why don't girls have sex as much as guys?
Q. I would like to ask a question at a general/stereotypical level - Why don't girls have sex as much as guys? Eg. a single guy goes to a party/club/bar and hopes something will happen. A single girl goes to the same place and doesn't let anyt...
A. 31 August 2010: I think it is the "slut" answer. It is a horrible double standard that society has on this topic. Also, real relationships don't start with one night stands.
I don't think women like sex less, they just need to be selective about who they cho... (read in full...)
How can I find out if he is falling for me like I am for him?
Q. I don't know if anyone can reall help me, as I know that I have no choice but to hang in and see, but any feedback would be appreciated... I met a lovely guy online last April and started dating him in May. He is in the RAF and lives on base an...
A. 31 August 2010: How long before his service is up? Is he planning on making that his career? There is no real way of knowing other than discussing the topic with him. My guess is that he really likes you but doesn't want to commit to anything because of the ... (read in full...)
What do guys think of girls with short hair?
Q. I really want my hair cut shorter and wanted to ask guys what they think of short hair on girls? I'm 17 and hang around with people who are into festivals and indie stuff but I'd like views from a wider group of guys (and girls I guesss) who aren't ...
A. 31 August 2010: It depends on the girl. I say try it. How short are you talking? I like short hair, but I also like having something to grab.... (read in full...)
What do guys like in girls?
Q. What do guys like in girls? Do they like straight teeth, blonde hair, brown hair, certain color eyes, etc. Also, what personality do they want girls to have?...
A. 31 August 2010: Guys like 'em all shapes and sizes. All colors and creeds. Self confidence is hot, but so is the shy sweetheart. It often depends on his motivation. Is he after sex or a relationship? ... (read in full...)
My little sister wants to have sex in the church! what can I do?
Q. this question is for my little sister she is 16 and she really wants to have sex with her boyfriend she thinks she will be with him forever i dont know what to tell her his parents are total assholes and the only place they can have sex is church ...
A. 31 August 2010: Been there, done that, it's not so bad... unless you're afraid of hell that is. If there is a hell, that's where I'm headed, so I'm not worried about respecting God's house. Besides, it's nothing confession can't fix. Gotta love Catholicism! ... (read in full...)
Jealous of his past .. does he still love them?
Q. In the beginning, me and my boyfriend started off as friends so we discussed a lot of things with each other. He shared a lot of information during that time about his past relationships. He shared details about the sex they had, the parts of the...
A. 31 August 2010: Counseling may help. Keep in mind, just because he will always love aspects of their relationship, that doesn't mean he's not happy with you. The past is just that, the past. It is unchangeable and out of our control. I'll always love most of ... (read in full...)
Is the DEPO shot making her less interested in sex?
Q. me and my fiance use to have sex 2-3 times a weeks. (a lot of times she started it) but now shes on the DEPO pregnancy shot and we now we have sex maybe once every 2-3 weeks, and i have to kinda work to get her in the mood, and i feel guilty, cause ...
A. 30 August 2010: I had a gf who lost all of her sex drive when she switched to the depo shot. It's super Convenient, but I've known others who have reported similar decreases in their sex drive with this birth control method.
Maybe it is time to talk to the doct... (read in full...)
Freaked out BF in bed and he left!
Q. ok -- this is going to take a second so I will do a TL;DR. first, this is a throwaway account b/c... so, here's the deal: tonight I totally freaked out my boyfriend. I had hidden a piece of a hot dog (about 2 inches) which I had broken off before ...
A. 30 August 2010: Hahahahaha! That's hilarious! Well, the joke, not the reception. Give him a little time and try explaining the joke. Then apologize and hopefully move on. If he can't get over this, then maybe it wasn't meant to be.
He might just be reall... (read in full...)
She wants to lose her virginity to me but I'm not sure if I want to spend the rest of my life with her because of her past!
Q. hello im with this girl i know through internet..we been together for 2 years but we still havent met since we live far away. anyway i know everything about her and her past is actually haunting me..she didnt do much but just the idea that some oth...
A. 30 August 2010: I don't like to name call, but you're acting like an immature ass hole. You've had lots of sex, and are only interested in virgins, and can't be a man about this?!?
She deserves better than you.... (read in full...)
He can't seem to let her go and uses her to hurt me.
Q. I don't know whether I'm looking for advice or just looking for a way to vent. This must be the fourth time I've written on here about the same subject, but it's wearing me thinner and thinner and I'm at my wit's end. My boyfriend and I have been ...
A. 29 August 2010: I was having trouble following how often he still brings her up. To me it sounded like she came up fairly often until you explained how much it hurt you, then he mostly stopped with the exception of a few slips. Your obsession seems to have ... (read in full...)
Role playing for sex, I don't know what to say!
Q. My boyfriend and have been together for nearly 2 years now and although we have a wonderful sex life we have decided that we want to try a little bit of role play. The scenario that we have decided on is boss/secretary (he's the boss and I'm the...
A. 27 August 2010: "oops, I spilled the white on your pants, let me get that for you"
I like the way you think Female Anon! That's always a good one. ... (read in full...)
My older BF said "I could be your dad...". What's going on??
Q. I'm 18, my bf is 34. We've been seeing each other for six months. I'm happy with him and he seems happy too. Lately though, we never seem to go out anymore. We cook at his place, read, watch movies and go to sleep and he clings to me like crazy and ...
A. 27 August 2010: He's likely questioning his feelings for you. He's wondering if he cares for you like a BF or a father/big brother. I don't have any doubt that he likely loves you very much, but I think he's concerned about the age difference. You haven't had ... (read in full...)
Bizarre stories on how you met your significent other?
Q. I hate the way that most couples meet today. I mean some people go to bars, others meet in the store, some grow up together best friends,introduced by friends,fall in love with their co-workers, ect. But it always seems to be the same way. They ask ...
A. 27 August 2010: I don't have one of my own, but my parents met in a kind of interesting way. My dad's name is not what most people would consider a "male" name. When my mom went to high school, all of the freshman girls were assigned "big sisters" from the senior ... (read in full...)
How can I masterbate???
Q. What is the best way that a virgin (female) can masturbate....i am SO totally embarrassed...but i have been getting these urges... So...please help :(...
A. 27 August 2010: Start by gently rubbing your clit and do what comes natural. You'll learn really quickly what feels good for you.
If you have a detachable shower head, I'm told those can be great for it as well.... (read in full...)
I'm having trouble being "just friends" again with my co-worker!
Q. I am so confussed... I met a man at work, both of us single, but separted ( failed relationships) for the first few months of working there , we started to flirt and chat, which came easily for both of us, I'm a wee bit chatty and tend to chat alot ...
A. 27 August 2010: Ahhh, more mixed messages. I think what you saw was a bit of jealousy. He wanted you for himself and didn't like someone else paying you a compliment. At the same time, if he's unwilling to act, then it's his loss. The more you share about the ... (read in full...)
This is a train that has gone round and round for far too long
Q. Really In need of help. I have been with my girlfriend for four years, through this she has cheated multiple times, and ive still stayed. Now shes pregnant and about five months in, ive been there for the entire pregnancy and Im always sad. I re...
A. 27 August 2010: Leaving would be the best thing you could do. She's what's known as an emotional vampire. She's sucking you dry. You both sound like you have dependency issues, but these are manifesting in an extremely unhealthy way. It may hurt, but I would ... (read in full...)
Confused about my sexuality and highly attracted to very feminine boys
Q. Hey there! I'm a 15 year old girl and I highly question my sexuality.. I really am attracted to guys with feminine looks and I really enjoy reading gay stories (I know it's just weird but it's hot too LOL).. I have never gone with a guy on a dat...
A. 27 August 2010: If you're attracted to feminine boys, that doesn't make you gay, that's just your thing. The Femmy/emo look is pretty popular right now so I can understand the draw.
The fact that you enjoy reading gay stories isn't that odd. Many women report w... (read in full...)
I'd do anything for my child but no one seems to appreciate that or understand!
Q. I really am not sure if this is the right place for this. So I am sorry if not. I have been having problems lately holding down a job. I am scared that sooner or later things will start to get pretty bad. I have been lucky in missing bullets...
A. 27 August 2010: It is admirable that you would do anything for your child. I would however strongly discourage you from selling your body to pay the bills. What will your child do when their mother is locked up for prostitution? What about the dangerous people ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend didn't seem too thrilled to hear from me after her vacation--WHY?
Q. Hi, I'm just really confused right now. And I really miss my girlfriend. My girlfriend and I are both 20 years old, and we were doing very well before she left for a week long vacation. We've been spending nights together, sharing a lot of ...
A. 27 August 2010: Is she losing interest? Probably not. There is always the chance that something happened that could change her mind, but that's pretty unlikely. Most likely, she was really tired and had a lot to do. Like unpacking, getting settled in. I love ... (read in full...)
Role playing for sex, I don't know what to say!
Q. My boyfriend and have been together for nearly 2 years now and although we have a wonderful sex life we have decided that we want to try a little bit of role play. The scenario that we have decided on is boss/secretary (he's the boss and I'm the...
A. 27 August 2010: I like it! This sounds fun. Hmmm, a bit of a script. Let me go get my writer's hat...
"Hello Mr. X. How are you this morning?"
"Feeling pretty good Miss Y, How are you?"
"Pretty good, you have a few messages which I've put on your desk. I... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 26 August 2010: "Why is it you don't talk about 'masturbation addicts'"
LOL Mia, a masturbation addict will eventually be unable to even view porn since they'll go blind and have super hairy palms.
Don't you love those old wive's tales?
I also have pro... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 26 August 2010: "As for Dirtball's theory about masturbation is dirty, I think porn would actually lessen especially in how degrading it is if masturbation wasn't thought of as hidden and dirty."
I agree. When we're hiding something already, it becomes easier t... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 25 August 2010: "But lying as a teen to your mum is surely different to lying to your partner?"
It is and it isn't. Your point is valid and the way things should work ideally. The thing is that learned behavior is difficult to change. An example. I live alo... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 24 August 2010: Why is this "ok" to lie about?
It really isn't. You are right that a relationship built around lies doesn't have a real foundation. Now, what I'm about to type, is the justification.
It's not that it's ok to lie about it, it's that men ha... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: Be careful when you say such things, especially if the pig is around. He tends to get very funny ideas when you say "woman, naked, ogle"
Ha, Q isn't the only one who gets crazy thoughts in his head when he hears (or reads) those words. ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: If I had a gf who would take sexy pics of herself or star in a video with me, you better believe I'd watch that above anything else in my collection. The problem is that, like with just about anything, the same thing can get boring if repeated ... (read in full...)
She wants to lose her virginity to me but I'm not sure if I want to spend the rest of my life with her because of her past!
Q. hello im with this girl i know through internet..we been together for 2 years but we still havent met since we live far away. anyway i know everything about her and her past is actually haunting me..she didnt do much but just the idea that some oth...
A. 23 August 2010: Then you sir have a MAJOR double standard. I'm tempted to name call, but that wouldn't be very mature. m u s t r e s i s t...
(Deep Breath) Ok. Everyone has a past. How honest have you been about yours with her? She may not to want to ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: "sorry to drag it back, but im still at a loss as to what to say to women who post on here who cannot accept their partners porn use, but love him and do not wish to leave the rship. If he wont stop (even if he only does it sometimes) what should ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: I should add, thank you for identifying yourself!... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: Sorry person 12345... I was writing my response at the same time.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: Anon, she says you're hiding because you haven't signed up and given us a user name to call you.
As for the prevalence in today's society... I blame "girls gone wild." My mom had an argument with one of my brother's girlfriends once because ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 21 August 2010: I'm going to step out of the porn discussion for a second and address the Neuroscience issue (as this was one of my primary collegiate areas of study).
What you see activating in the brain of an addict during a scan is their dopamine centers.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 21 August 2010: My point is that "normal, mainstream porn" can be all the things I listed. It's all out there for anyone with internet access. Even in your "expert" opinion you have to see you're over generalizing. Also, just because something is out there, it ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 August 2010: I'm with Tisha. There is every kind of porn out there under the sun.
You've got the ones where they are actors with lines and are playing out a scenario. Heck, I just saw a XXX parody of "That 70's Show." It was hardly degrading. It was funn... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 August 2010: Wow, this thread really exploded didn't it.
First. To LucyLoos. I was the responder who discussed my sex drive. I find it admirable that you've been able to enhance yours to meet your husband's needs. That's excellent. My first choice i... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 19 August 2010: "I love the man i met, i dont have any need or want to change him. I may not love the man he became if he tried."
Of your whole post (which I agree could really have used paragraphs) this is the sentence that summed up my stance on this topic. ... (read in full...)
I'm having trouble being "just friends" again with my co-worker!
Q. I am so confussed... I met a man at work, both of us single, but separted ( failed relationships) for the first few months of working there , we started to flirt and chat, which came easily for both of us, I'm a wee bit chatty and tend to chat alot ...
A. 17 August 2010: Based on your followup, I can see you've been thinking about this a lot. That usually happens before someone ends up posting here. :-)
"but I feel like I have to prove to him what a great catch he is.. because he just doesn't see it ..
but in... (read in full...)
I'm having trouble being "just friends" again with my co-worker!
Q. I am so confussed... I met a man at work, both of us single, but separted ( failed relationships) for the first few months of working there , we started to flirt and chat, which came easily for both of us, I'm a wee bit chatty and tend to chat alot ...
A. 17 August 2010: Gotta love someone who won't admit when they have a good thing going for them... My take on this is that if you can manage to give it a little time, this might actually work out for you two. I like the fact that he's being honest about the fact ... (read in full...)
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