A
male
age
41-50,
dirtball
writes:The curse of over thought.I think many of us suffer from this curse. Some people may call it a blessing, but I tend to consider it a mixed bag. On one hand it can help lead people to some tremendous insights, on the other it can lead them down dark roads that lead to despair of their own making.I myself am an over thinker. Very little in my life goes on without much thought. After things happen, I analyze them to take away lessons. It can be incredibly helpful. It allows me to learn from my mistakes, or recognize when I’ve made a mistake. It helps me identify with people, and empathize. It helps me imagine what they are thinking based on the experiences of my life and with similar situations. All of this can be very helpful.Unfortunately there is the flip side to that coin. The true curse of the over thinker, the darkness known as self doubt. Sometimes in our quest for understanding, we fail to realize that some things truly are simple, or can be if we let them. We wonder about ever little aspect of a situation. We try to discern meaning in the minutia of a text, or a phrase, or a glance from across the room. This causes endless doubt to slip into our minds, and it makes us question things we really shouldn’t, especially in relationships. It’s the core in every person wondering about an imperfection of theirs, or unfounded insecurity about cheating. It’s why people snoop through their partner’s email or phone, and stalk their social networkingFor me, one of the darkest corners of over thought is the internalization of my problems. That I somehow am the cause of every bad thing that happens in my life. Intellectually that seems silly. Hell, writing that made me feel rather silly, but at the same time, it’s very true. I recently had this behavior given a name by someone close to me. She calls it “catastrophization.” This is the behavior of thinking about everything that can go wrong and never giving it the chance to go right. Letting the worst case scenarios play out in your head preventing you from letting go and just letting things unfold.The hardest thing for any over thinker is to let go and realize that some things are simply out of your control. That all of your thought about a situation is actually hurting it. Sometimes we learn this lesson, usually the hard way, and it becomes another regret in our life. The saddest part is the very thing that can help us stop ourselves from repeating our regretful mistakes is the thing that’s causing us to do it.As with most things intellectual and emotional in nature, understanding is the only way we can focus these energies in a positive way. That and a good friend who can remind us when we need relax, take a deep breath, and let what will be, be.Well my fellow overthinkers, any thoughts to share?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2012): Excellent post. I came across this when i was worrying about things that MIGHT happen. That's my biggest problem. I worry about pretty much everything.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): I am incredibly guilty of over thinking things, and have even been told once or twice 'you think too much!'
Where I have overthought the repercussions of doing something (before it has been done), this has on many occasions let to procrastination and in some cases, never acting on something that Ive regretted later.
In the times I had done something without too much thought first, Ive definitely felt very good afterwards (and sometimes, you do of course regret it).
Thats only one angle of discussion, of course there are many others..
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reader, dirtball +, writes (24 March 2011):
dirtball is verified as being by the original poster of the question I like your alternate title mishmash! And thank you for the excellent post. I particularly liked your point about reinforcing your self-hatred and insecurity. It's very true and I'm guilty of that very often in my own life.Thanks again!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2011): I think overthinkers spin their wheels to get a sense of control over an ambigious situation, ambigous relationships, or ambivalent emotions. In a situation where feelings hinge heavily on another person or situation and outcomes are literally out of their control, people (myself included) tend to bargain with hypothetical outcomes in a futile effort to create a sense of certainty. I think it's the same instinct that draws some people to taking their star sign profiles too seriously or consulting psychics. They want to be certain.There are lots of types of overthinking, some of which I think are inevitable and normal. For instance, teenagers tend to overthink their experiences, alot of their angst shows up on this site, but in my opinion, they should be overthinking their experiences. For most of them, it's the first time in their lives where they're individuals and having adultish experiences happen. It's not as if they have a deep bank of experience to draw from and find answers.There are also people who spin their wheels over a problem endlessy to get a handle on a situation, but their overthinking prevents them from taking action or it literally becomes a way for them to avoid confrontation.Perhaps the worst and destructive sort of overthinking is the kind you describe where you predict your own failure..."catasrophization" as you called it. I think people who do this try to handle their own doubt by affirming it all the time. It's an easy way of hedging the emotional bets you place on people and situations you face in life. If you count on something going wrong all the time, then you won't be disappointed as much if it fails. You'll also feel "lucky" when things actaully do work and happen without a hiccup. It's a cynical approach to uncertainty and it can lead to you devaluing your own work and effort, but it's an efficient way to deal with feelings. I do this alot too.I think overthinking is at its most detrimental when people flagellate themselves over the past or reinforce some self-hatred or insecurity. It's unproductive and people who engage in this sort of flagellation aren't "overthinking", they are fantasizing their own failure. They aren't paying attention to other people's opinions and feelings OR alterntate possibilities. They just replaying visions of their own failure in their minds...At that point it's fantasy, it's not overthought.I'm not saying fantasy is not important or that people shouldn't fantasize at all. I guess what I am saying is that how you choose to picture yourself as a lot to do with how you handle your doubts and whether or not you let overthinking get the best of you. Fantasy can be a really powerful thing, Althletes use it all the time to "win the race" in their mind before it starts...they psyche themselves out to follow through on their desire. I also did this when I was younger. I'm not suggesting that positive or affirmative thinking can produce outcomes in the real world by itself. But it can effect how you choose to deal with your doubt. I guess what I'm trying to say is that personal vision and imagination influence how people deal with the inevitable uncertainties of life...you have more control over your imagination than the minutia and uncontrollable variables of daily life.Great article as always DB. An alternate title might have been: "Overthinking Overthought"
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2011): HiI learnt to go with the flow ....to feel the experiences....if i fought against something infront of me then i did not experience it... good or bad. Too much thinking and i became the observer..... FEELING everything is knowing you are alive ...... Who knows where life will take us if we 'let go'....most like to control where!!!Journey without a map.....................'''''''''''''Happy days!!!:)
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