A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im so worried! My and my boyfriend have been dating for about four months now, hes 25 and im 19. We had been dating about a month and i moved an hour away to go to college. We see each other almost every weekend when either i can come down or he can come up. Well one weekend i came down and stayed at his place, we started to have sex like four times that night and he kept stopping, he said he couldnt do it and would go to bed...then wake up and try again...it was really frustrating to me but i understood he was tired. Well it feels like now our relationship is on pins and needles...it feels like seeing him once a week isnt enough anymore and with school starting in a few weeks ill never see him. At first the long distance relationship was fine, but now i know were never going to see each other. We really love each other and i want this relationship to work out, but being so far away i feel like it might start losing its spark. Does anyone have any advice? Hes even said hes sexually frustrated, and i feel like there might be more to it. He always tells me he loves me and wants to spend his life with me, but im worried being so far away will make it too hard to stand. Has anyone had a successful long distance relationship? With work its already hard to talk to him, with us both going to school and work so far away...im worried....does anyone know how to keep the spark? How to even keep it from completely falling apart?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (18 August 2010):
 One of my co-workers just married her high school sweetheart about a year ago after having an LDR all through college. She came home every weekend so they could see eachother. She went to school about 3 hours away from home. They just had their first baby and everything seems to be going well for them.
It can work, but more often than not, it doesn't. That doesn't mean there isn't hope, but it will be a difficult road.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): hey!
well first of all i'm in a long distance relationship and have been for 6 months ish now. tbh its really hard to deal with at first and its so frustrating when you sometimes go weeks without seeing eachother.
but i think maybe you should see how it goes, obviously its guna be difficult but if you both really want to be together then no harm in trying.
perhaps you should have a serious chat with him about it and see how he feels.
good luck x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): I did long distance for 10 months
we saw each other maybe once ever other week..if that
he worked night shifts at an electronics store and was the manager of a movie store from 10 in the morning till 10 at night.. he was the only one who worked there along with his own boss which was hardly there
we actually took a brake after 9 months in because he thought he was making me to depressed
it broke my heart so we got back together and the next month he quit his job and moved in with me
we are getting married in may
it works.. you just have to be VERY strong and trust each other
communication HAS to be there
if he was at work he STILL called me every single night to say goodnight to me and would stay on the phone with me till i fell asleep
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A
female
reader, BeSimplyTrue +, writes (18 August 2010):
 If you guys can see each other once a week, I don't know hwy this relationship can't work. Technically it's long-distance, you say, but you're able to bridge the gap pretty well. Honestly a lot of couples who don't classify their relationship as "long distance" see each other only once a week, on weekends.
Is there something else that is not working, or do you think it's the distance? I mean, sometimes there is pressure on a relationship when when one half of the couple has moved far away and is making new friends, spending a lot of time on a new job or a new school schedule, things like that. Could some of that stuff be at work?
Because really, I think you could easily turn the distance into an advantage, since you DO get to see each other so often. What about flirting and teasing each other throughout the week? Yearning for each other can be very sexually stimulating! You could send racy text messages and voicemails (to whatever level you're comfortable with--they don't have to be explicit or even dirty enough to get you in trouble if they're seen), e-mails, or even snail-mail letters and postcards.
Personally, I've been in a long-distance relationship. We were about 5-7 hours apart for almost 6 years. It started off as long-distance so we didn't have to adjust to it, which maybe helped. We got to see each other every 2 to 3 months, and in between we had lots of e-mails, phone calls, and nightly talks on Instant Messenger. (This was before text messaging and cell phones were common.) We also sent surprise gifts to each other, which was super fun. It was hard to wait sometimes, but let me tell you, when we got to see each other finally it was really hot!!
But long-distance relationships are not for everyone and it sounds like you both are really stressed out about it. Maybe it would help you both to share your feelings of frustration and worry, and try to come up with strategies that you think might help you both feel excited about each other and close even when you're apart. Sometimes getting through a hard time together, as a couple, is the best aphrodisiac.
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