| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have a sexual problem which is killing me! When I was a teenager, I was horny as hell. Always horny, fantasizing and masturbating (although I couldn't orgasm back then).Then I started dating a guy at 18. The first months, I was horny all the time, having sex with him all the time. He could turn me on with only a kiss. Ge,, not even that, only with flirting and such. I learned how to orgasm.I also watched porn and that made the trick. Fantasizing, just anything that had to do with sex got me going.It's been three years and I miss all that. I preferred being sexually frustrated than well, not enjoying sex at all.I mean, it stopped gradually. Things started getting less exciting. It's like I became desensitized to everything sexual. Kisses no longer felt special. They just felt like two mouths having contact.I recently broke up with my ex boyfriend, due to other problems (he was a jerk after all). I never told him, and I had to fake it for a loooong time (I know, shame on me, but I knew he'd react REALLY badly if I had told him, he probably would've dumped me right there and then).I met a guy recently, who I am very attracted to. He's really nice looking and has a great personality. We kissed the other day. I was expecting the fireworks to come back (since I thought maybe with my ex I had just gotten used to him), but all I got were just some tiny sparks.I don't get it. I'm attracted to guys, and I feel like I want to have sex. I think about sex all the time. The only problem is that I have absolutely NO physical response to anything sexual: kisses, thoughts, fantasies, porn, nothing, absolutely nothing makes my body react.I'm not one of those women that don't want sex. I want it, a lot, I just don't have that wonderful physical response. I want to enjoy it again.I don't know what it could be. When the problem started (three years ago) I wasn't on any meds. I started taking the pill later, but by that time my sexual response was practically dead already. I'm not overweight, if anything, I lost weight from that time until now.I remember being mildly depressed at that time, though. My depression was weird in that it was more like apathy than sadness. I just didn't "feel". Anything. But especially joy, excitement or passion. Although sadness wasn't strong either. It was like I just stopped caring.Then I felt like I recovered. But I never felt like me again. It is in a way like I lost my spark. I am me, and I can feel mildly happy or excited, but not quite like before. I am no longer apathetic and don't feel depressed, but it is strange that nothing that used to get me motivated motivates me anymore, or something, it's difficult to explain.I just don't know what to do, I'm too young to stop enjoying sex! I also feel embarrassed to go to the doctor, because I still live with my parents and both my sister and mom go to my same gyno.What can I do?
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broke up, depressed, flirt, horny, live with my parents, my ex, orgasm, overweight, porn, sexually frustrated, spark, the pill Reply to this Question
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male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (19 August 2010):
 Get you mind back to sexy. You are over compensating for your earlier horny days. You saw it as a bad thing, and tried so hard to stop, that you really stopped altogether.What turned you on back then? What was that one thing that made you ready?Can you look at a guy and think "I would love for him to do_____ to me right now".I also think that you feel that guys will judge you because of how horny you are...So what? Who made the horny rules?Find the right guy, and knock his socks off. Get your grove back. Save a horse...
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (18 August 2010):
 I have no idea. The only thing I can think of is that you're putting too much psychological pressure on yourself to enjoy it, and that is blocking the pleasure from happening. When you're having sex, are you thinking about why you aren't gettin aroused? That could be part of the problem. It could also be your meds. Are you on anti-depressants? That can kill your sex drive. I've had GF's who had decreased sexual pleasure depending on the birth control they've used as well.
If you aren't, you may want to see a sex therapist. They may be able to find a better root to the problem you have. I hope you can bring the pleasure back. You seem motivated enough, I hope it works out for you.
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