A
male
age
41-50,
dirtball
writes:After reading a string of questions today I started really thinking about the topic of: "do they like me back?" It happens a lot. We develop a crush on someone. We think about them a lot. We read into every little thing they do or say. We wonder if they like us back. Yet, instead of telling them how we feel, we want some sort of confirmation that things will work out the way we want them to. We are paralyzed to inaction because of our insecurities about their feelings. Why is this? By the way, I say "we" above because I'm in the same boat. I have a crush on a close friend and I am not willing to tell her because I'm afraid to risk the friendship. That's my case. I think that's the case for a lot of people who post here on Dearcupid too. They are hiding their feelings, and it becomes safer to hide rather than put yourself out there and risk rejection or the loss of a person who is important to you. It's fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of change. Simply put, fear.Why are we so afraid? It seems like the more we like someone, the more paralyzed we become (those of us with this affliction that is). I think we're afraid for many reasons. I think the biggest fear is that they don't feel the same, and we'll have to start coping with getting over our feelings. It's like mourning the relationship that never was. I also think we're afraid of what will happen to our friendship if they actually do like us back in "that way." It means big changes that may seem better in our head than they actually work out to be in reality. Mostly I think we're afraid of the unknown. We are the type of people who like to be sure of an outcome before taking action. Since we can't see what will happen we become paralyzed.So, what does knowing this do for us? It depends. For some, I hope it will motivate them to act. Why miss out? For others I hope it will help them see they aren't alone. For me, it doesn't do much but make me think about all the missed opportunities I've had to come clean, and all my excuses that help me sleep at night.If you're in this boat, ask yourself a few questions:-What's the worst that could happen?-Are you in love with the person, or your idealized version of them?-Is the risk worth the possible reward?-What do you have to lose?I hope that this helps some of you out there in the same boat as me. Don't miss out on a great opportunity because you are afraid of the outcome. Chances are, if you two seem to be hitting it off, you probably are. Open that door before it becomes locked for good.
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (8 November 2010):
dirtball is verified as being by the original poster of the question Your situation is oddly similar to my own. Layers of overlapping relationships make things so much more complex. Something may have to give before it can work for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): I guess it works well for you... but it really can be hard. Read my situation as I posted it here and tell me what you think: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-am-i-going-to-do-ive-been.htmlMind you, I'm still in my little mess :'(
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A
female
reader, ReachForTheSky +, writes (21 October 2010):
 I agree completely. Well said! :)
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