Like what
he writes?
... Add *irtball to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *irtball a private message | | | *irtball's profile:Hello DC. Some of you may be wondering where I were I went. My life has taken a turn that has taken me away from here for the time being. I'm not really answering many questions at this time. If you PM me, I will respond, but it may be delayed a week or two. I had many problems dumped on me of my own, so I don't have much energy for the problems of others. I'll be back, but it just may be a while.
Wow, been away longer than anticipated. To sum it up, life sort of sucks for me at the moment. Not looking for pity, just letting you know why I haven't been around. I still hope things will get better soon, but who knows.
ALERT: If you're sending me a PM in regard to advice I've given you, please reference the thread or specifics so I can be on the same page. Lately I've been receiving lots of PM's with an answer to some question I asked, but since the question was from an Anon poster, I have no idea which answer it was in regard to. I give a lot of advice here, so I'm very sorry if I don't immediately recognize you. The question title or a link would be most appreciated. Thank you!
_____________________________________________
Hi, I'm the bad bad charming sweetheart dirtball. Although recently I seem to have picked up the moniker "Dirty Balls" despite making sure to clean them thoroughly each day. Anyway, I love this site. I have a BA in Psychology which is part of the reason I think I like this site so much. I posted anon for quite some time before creating my profile. I took to the brutally honest approach which has gotten me in trouble a few times, but for the most part has gone quite well. I enjoy helping people and at times challenging them when I think it is appropriate.
_____________________________________________
I've been getting lots of great feedback on my advice and I appreciate it, even if you didn't like it. With that said, I'd like to add a segment here I'll call (drum roll please)
DIRTBALL'S RULES ABOUT PEOPLE AND DATING (in no particular order)
Men don't befriend women who they are not interested in sexually. What do I mean by this? I mean that men will not actively seek out friends of the opposite sex unless they would like to make the friendship progress further at some point. Plain and simple, that's how we operate. Are there circumstances where they are actually just friends? Yes, those would be times when you are forced together in some way. Examples could be; fellow employees at work, a regular customer at work, shared friend circle. The key to watch for is if he looks to spend time with her alone. That's usually the sign that he has a romantic interest in the relationship.
Long Distance Relationships don't work. Go ahead and tell me your success stories, I don't care. Most of the time it is just way too hard for the parties involved. Too much doubt creeps into the relationship. Plus, can you really call it a relationship if you only get to be together rarely? I think not.
Once broken up, you should stay that way. Make up/break up relationships don't work. Why do you always feel the need to break up? It's because things aren't working. Then you miss each other and get back together, only to have the very thing that drove you apart last time do it again. It is a cycle that doesn't get better. All you're doing is preventing yourself from finding someone who will actually make you happy.
People only change if they really (and I mean REALLY) want to for themselves. Changes for the benefit of others are temporary. True change is very hard to make. It requires diligence, effort, and support.
Communication is the most important part of your relationship. So many times we have people here asking about how they should handle a situation when the solution is simply to talk to your partner about it. We forget how important this is. It affects everything. If you are feeling upset about something, it is best that you discuss it with your partner instead of burying it and letting it brew. Later it will explode when it could have just been a calm discussion if addressed right away. Communicate with your partner. If you never talk, why are you even together?
People can love each other and not be right for a relationship. This kind of goes back to the make up/break up rule from earlier but it extends to present partners or exes as well. When someone is part of your life, especially for long periods of time, it is natural that part of the love you carry for them will always be there. Just because you love someone though, that doesn't mean you should be together. That's the case with most of my ex GF's as I'm sure it is with many other people. Sometimes you need to consider if love is making you do foolish things.
You should set ground rules in your relationships. Let your partner know about deal breakers. Deal breakers being defined as things they would do that would cause you to end the relationship. It is good to get these out of the way when you are getting serious. That way, you can refer back to them if your partner does something against said ground rules. An example that I tell all my girlfriends (including friends who I'm not romantically involved with) is that I will never answer the question "Am I fat" or any variation of it (does this make me look fat, does my butt look big, etc). I explain why too. It's a trap question. Answer yes, and that's obvious. Answer no, and "you're just saying that." So I won't entertain that question. I know, silly, but this works for the bigger picture too. Figure out what's important enough to you that you'd be willing to end a relationship. Tell your partner what these things are. If they want to be with you, they should know.
When one person in a relationship has a problem, it's a problem for the relationship. You're not alone in your relationship, and dismissing your partner's problem doesn't solve anything. It makes them feel devalued and unimportant. Why don't you care enough to address something they think is a problem? It's because you know it's a problem but want to hide. Don't hide from it. If you do, it won't go away.
When a relationship ends, you need to give yourself proper time to grieve it. Like dealing with death, you go through the same stages. Denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and finally acceptance. This is part of the problem with rebound relationships. Take the time you need. Don't be afraid to wait.
Let the past be the past. It's over, it's done, and there is nothing that can be done to change it. There is no use dwelling on it because there is nothing that can be done about it. Don't worry about things that cannot be changed. You can't drive a car by only looking in the rear view mirror.
I'm sure there will be more to come, but these are the few I've seen myself repeat a lot in my rather short time here.
____________________________________________
This is, hands down, the best conversation I've seen about porn yet on this site: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-there-no-middle-ground-when-it.html
____________________________________________
Dirtball Rants:
1) What the hell happened to punctuation and grammar? I blame text messaging for the trash I see people write. It's not the content but the way it's expressed that makes me wonder what's happening to society. I realize that we're a multinational forum here, and I give a complete pass to someone who is doing their best despite the fact that English isn't their first language. But the crap I see from Americans, the British, Canadians, and Australians often makes me sick. If any of you read this, your posts would be much easier to read if you used paragraphs, sentences with punctuation, and whole words instead of abreviations like U, cuz, or wut! Quit being so fucking lazy if you want help.
2) There is a difference between the words your and you're. "Your" denotes ownership. "You're" is the contraction of "you are." Saying something like "your lame" is wrong wrong wrong! The same goes for there, their, and they're. "There" is used for things like places (look over there). "Their" denotes ownership (they wanted their cookies back). "They're" is the contraction of "they are." An example, "they're going to the service station over there to pick up their car which was just repaired." I bet that just blew your mind.
____________________________________________
Abreviations.
I use a lot of abreviations when I type advice so I'm going to start a list of the most common ones I see for use as a reference tool.
OP - Original Poster, the person asking for advice.
BF - Boyfriend
GF - Girlfriend
SO - Significant Other, your BF, GF, Fiance, or spouse in other words.
BTW - By the way
FWIW - For what it's worth
TBH - To be honest
IDC - I Don't Care
IDK - I Don't Know
IMHO - In My Humble Opinion
IMO - In My Opinion
IOW - In Other Words
THO - Titty Hard On (erect nipples) |
|
| Latest articles: The Curse of Over Thought
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
24 March 2011: The curse of over thought. I think many of us suffer from this curse. Some people may call it a blessing, but I tend to consider it a mixed bag. On one hand it can help lead people to some tremendous insights, on the other it can lead them do...
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
This question has 40 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 February 2011: I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
Why did you even ask?
This question has 22 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 January 2011: What brought you to Dear Cupid? Most likely it's because of some problem in your life or relationship. That's how most of us stumbled upon this place. You came here hoping that these anon people on the internet could offer you some insight into ...
Tis the season...
This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 December 2010: Hello Everyone. Here at Dear Cupid we receive many requests for help. Some are serious relationship problems, others aren't quite so serious. One such question is "What should I get my significant other for Christmas?" I intend to give you some ...
What ever happened to communication?
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 November 2010: Having been here for a while now, I see consistancy in many of the problems people who come here face. One major problem, although it isn't usually the one that brought them here, is communication. Communication is usually the underlying problem ...
Paralyzed by not knowing
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 October 2010: After reading a string of questions today I started really thinking about the topic of: "do they like me back?" It happens a lot. We develop a crush on someone. We think about them a lot. We read into every little thing they do or say. We ...
Thoughts on technology and long distance relationships
This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 September 2010: It never fails to amaze me how many questions I see on here about long distance relationships (LDR's). I will admit, I understand the temptation. I've been there. I've tried it. I've concluded that they don't work. Still, what is it about these ...
|
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 April 2011: Having not checked back here in quite a while, I've got some thoughts to share about your last post person12345.
To me, it's not just the women in porn that are interchangable, but the men too. Often they are nothing more than a hard cock. I... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 November 2010: Yes, I'd still do it but not very often. There are other reasons behind the behavior that don't all revolve around sexual satisfaction. It is a stress relief. I also use it to help improve sexual stamina so that I can perform better and last ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 November 2010: Holy crap! I think we just had breakthrough time didn't we! I'm very glad that there are women like you out there. I hope to meet one of my own someday. I'm also glad it seems like you've found the source of your feelings about his porn ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 October 2010: Sad, I know. Actually, I can think of one time it happened and one time it almost did. Once it happened on accident, but fortunately for me we were in a 69 and she was having one at the same time so she didn't care. Another told me she swallowed ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 October 2010: Good point Gabrielle. Let me rephrase, your attitude about sex is special. As is yours Smiliek. I hope to meet a woman with similar feelings toward sex someday.
Do guys prefer a handjob or bj when getting a "release?"
This guy prefers a bj... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 27 October 2010: You're a special girl Gabrielle, and I envy your partner. The only girl I've met who had a similar attitude to you as far as sex turned out to be a manipulative psycho. That relationship never would have lasted so long if the sex wasn't so ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 27 October 2010: Good questions, and no you're not all alone, I keep checking in and referring people in situations similar to yours back to this thread.
Can a guy have enough sex that he doesn't need to masturbate?
Yes and no. I've found that (at least in my ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 13 October 2010: Welcome back Mia. Glad you got everything sorted out!... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 8 October 2010: I agree. It is lazy. It also becomes harder to fantasize if you're constantly bombarding yourself with these images. The problem in my life is that I haven't found many women with comparable sex drives. Most of the women I've been with have ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 7 October 2010: I agree to a point. I think part of the appeal of porn with regard to masturbation is that it is easy and highly accessable. Can I masturbate without it? Sure. The thing is that it takes longer. At least for me. If I just want to make it fast, ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 7 October 2010: Ha! Just because they happen doesn't mean they need to be accepted. I see people who don't pay their taxes every day. Death is hard to cheat though.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 6 October 2010: Nobody ever has to accept anything they don't want to. I do believe that a lot of people believe that someone may have to accept something but the truth is that it is your right as an individual to make your own choices as to what you'll accept or ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 5 October 2010: I'm still reading it. :-)
I think that's because of the fact that it's viewed as "taboo." These are conversations that need to take place in a relationship. It makes the relationship stronger if both parties lay out their expectations for each... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 30 September 2010: I think you're right person12345, there is a bit of the ostrich syndrome going on here. I have some thoughts on this question though: "If she's already insecure and that makes it worse, why wouldn't he want to make her feel better?"
This is a sli... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 29 September 2010: OK Friends, we're opened back up. I just wanted to post a reminder to everyone to keep it civil. I haven't seen anything like that in a while, but it's still worthy of a reminder.
So, without further delay, please let the conversation continue... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 September 2010: Katy, I didn't realize you were the anon poster. However, I never said you don't belong here, just the negativity you were expressing.
I was pushing for contributions, not attacks. Please do contribute. ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 September 2010: Anon poster, where your argument about men fails is your statement about their actions. Actions and thoughts are two very different things. Just because we may fantasize about something, that doesn't mean we will, or even we want to in reality, ... (read in full...)
Role playing for sex, I don't know what to say!
Q. My boyfriend and have been together for nearly 2 years now and although we have a wonderful sex life we have decided that we want to try a little bit of role play. The scenario that we have decided on is boss/secretary (he's the boss and I'm the...
A. 27 August 2010: "oops, I spilled the white on your pants, let me get that for you"
I like the way you think Female Anon! That's always a good one. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend didn't seem too thrilled to hear from me after her vacation--WHY?
Q. Hi, I'm just really confused right now. And I really miss my girlfriend. My girlfriend and I are both 20 years old, and we were doing very well before she left for a week long vacation. We've been spending nights together, sharing a lot of ...
A. 27 August 2010: Is she losing interest? Probably not. There is always the chance that something happened that could change her mind, but that's pretty unlikely. Most likely, she was really tired and had a lot to do. Like unpacking, getting settled in. I love ... (read in full...)
In a pile of debt because of the ex. Are all women like this?
Q. I dated a younger woman, I am in my early 30s and she is in her early 20s. When I first saw her I was completely blown away by her and came to love her and her daughter. We were together for 5 years. Recently I found out she was cheating and I h...
A. 27 August 2010: No, not all women are like this, but you've just learned a very expensive lesson. One thing you can do is take your bills, and look at the things you bought that are in her possession. Things like the phone and furniture. Then you can sue her in ... (read in full...)
Guy is so distant towards me since we had sex. Did we have it too soon?
Q. Hey everyone, Me and my current bf have been going out for about 2 months now, and within the first week we had sex (we had been great friends before that) but ever since that he has been so distant towards me and I don't know what to do!!! I ...
A. 27 August 2010: Well, it's too late for what you should have done, that is not have sex until you're older. That aside, you rushed into it. This rarely bodes well for relationships. Being that you gave it up so quickly, he is probably wondering just how quickly ... (read in full...)
Should I try to forget our little "fling"?
Q. I work at the front desk of a hotel and about a year ago a guest asked me out to dinner. Even though I found him incredibly attractive I had to say no as I was in a relationship. I have thought about him quite often since then and I always check to ...
A. 27 August 2010: Is it possible that your kissing meant less to him than you?
Yup, and from the sound of things, that's the case here.
Should you try to forget about it or give him more time?
I'd forget about it. You'll likely be waiting another year. W... (read in full...)
Horny girls?
Q. At what age are girls the horniest? And how can u make a shy guy horny?...
A. 27 August 2010: Yup, shy guys are often some of the horniest people you'll know. That's part of the reason they're so shy. Just talking to girls gets them overly excited.... (read in full...)
How can I stop my husband playing pc games
Q. i just want to know how can i stop my gusband from playing pc games ...
A. 27 August 2010: He could be a WoW head. Who knows? We sure as hell don't.
Step one is telling him how you feel. After that, it's hard to say. Without more info, it is hard to give any advice.... (read in full...)
Role playing for sex, I don't know what to say!
Q. My boyfriend and have been together for nearly 2 years now and although we have a wonderful sex life we have decided that we want to try a little bit of role play. The scenario that we have decided on is boss/secretary (he's the boss and I'm the...
A. 27 August 2010: I like it! This sounds fun. Hmmm, a bit of a script. Let me go get my writer's hat...
"Hello Mr. X. How are you this morning?"
"Feeling pretty good Miss Y, How are you?"
"Pretty good, you have a few messages which I've put on your desk. I... (read in full...)
I'm truly in love with my teacher, should I wait 2 years to be with him?
Q. I'm in love with my 35 year old maths teacher... and, please don't tell me it's just a crush, because I've researched into what love feels like, and I asked my mum (not telling her about my teacher though) so I know for sure that I'm in love with ...
A. 27 August 2010: "well he's not, I'm in love with him, and none of you can tell me any different."
There you go, show that maturity. I can tell you that to a guy who's slightly younger than the one you're after, this kind of attitude is a GIANT turn off. Yup, yo... (read in full...)
How can I 'Wow' my boyfriend while giving him oral?
Q. My boyfriend really enjoys me giving him head, but I'm not too good at it and don't really enjoy doing it. Please can you give me some tips on how i could improve my technique or is there any throat excercises i could do to improve it?? ...
A. 26 August 2010: Lots of tongue is my favorite. Even when it's in your mouth. Circling your tongue around the head is great. Another thing that's very subtle but oh so good is making eye contact while it's in your mouth. Asking how he likes it is also good.
... (read in full...)
I'm truly in love with my teacher, should I wait 2 years to be with him?
Q. I'm in love with my 35 year old maths teacher... and, please don't tell me it's just a crush, because I've researched into what love feels like, and I asked my mum (not telling her about my teacher though) so I know for sure that I'm in love with ...
A. 26 August 2010: In my opinion, waiting is only worth it if you BOTH feel the same way about eachother. Since it is very unlikely he feels this way for you, I wouldn't recommend it. Unrequited love just leads to pain. I know from experience. Long term crushes ... (read in full...)
I didnt fight back when he had sex with me because my daughter was watching, and I had sent nude pics to him before. Was this still rape?
Q. I was raped by my boyfriend's best friend in front of my three year old daughter. And another friend in the car. Ive been to the police. Im having a hard time dealing with it he claims i wanted. And it wasnt forced, i went to the store to buy them a ...
A. 26 August 2010: Shoot, that is bad news. Thank you for the follow up. I hope you will seek help to cope with what you've been through. ... (read in full...)
How to break it off and keep him as a friend?
Q. I need help. Recently things with my boyfriend have been ok, but now i think that he just isn't the guy for me, he's nice looking but i don't find him attractive in a romantic type of way and i sometimes feel like we'd be better as friends. but on ...
A. 26 August 2010: Decide how you feel before you break it off. Once a couple breaks up, it is difficult to maintain a friendship. He'll move on and get a new GF. She won't like him talking to his ex. You'll get a new BF who won't like you talking to your ex. The ... (read in full...)
He said if I sleep with him he will trust me!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend on and off for the past year and a bit. I have known him for a total of 9 years. We have been in and out of touch over our friendship. About 2-3 years ago we become closer and I hooked up with a good friend of his ...
A. 26 August 2010: Great answer TimmD, I agree whole heartedly.
Don't have sex with him to prove he can trust you. That's not how it works. You should be working to prove your trust to eachother. You have to prove to him you're done lying, and he has to prove to... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 26 August 2010: "Why is it you don't talk about 'masturbation addicts'"
LOL Mia, a masturbation addict will eventually be unable to even view porn since they'll go blind and have super hairy palms.
Don't you love those old wive's tales?
I also have pro... (read in full...)
My rape fantasy disturbed him , are my fantasys normal?
Q. I have a bit of a problem with my sexual fantasys so to speak. I've been with my boyfriend for three years, and our sex life has always been good, but my sexual fantasys disturb him. He's briefly talked about his fantasys, and I've tried to fullfill ...
A. 26 August 2010: I agree that these types of fantasies are much more common than a lot of people think, mostly because not many people are comfortable enough to talk about them openly.
I think Yvayne has a great idea about ways to bridge that gap. A couple m... (read in full...)
I'm truly in love with my teacher, should I wait 2 years to be with him?
Q. I'm in love with my 35 year old maths teacher... and, please don't tell me it's just a crush, because I've researched into what love feels like, and I asked my mum (not telling her about my teacher though) so I know for sure that I'm in love with ...
A. 26 August 2010: Just because it happened to someone else, doesn't mean it will happen to you.
Awesome post Tisha!... (read in full...)
I'm truly in love with my teacher, should I wait 2 years to be with him?
Q. I'm in love with my 35 year old maths teacher... and, please don't tell me it's just a crush, because I've researched into what love feels like, and I asked my mum (not telling her about my teacher though) so I know for sure that I'm in love with ...
A. 26 August 2010: Is it worth waiting?
No. It will never happen. He is married and while he may be flattered by your infatuation with him, I'm sure he values his job, and would never risk losing it over an affair with a student.
Should you ask him again?
... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 26 August 2010: "As for Dirtball's theory about masturbation is dirty, I think porn would actually lessen especially in how degrading it is if masturbation wasn't thought of as hidden and dirty."
I agree. When we're hiding something already, it becomes easier t... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 25 August 2010: "But lying as a teen to your mum is surely different to lying to your partner?"
It is and it isn't. Your point is valid and the way things should work ideally. The thing is that learned behavior is difficult to change. An example. I live alo... (read in full...)
I want to kiss my bestfriend!!
Q. My best (girl) friend and I are extremely close. We talk about everything. I absolutely love her in a best friend way...but the problem is that I think she loves me in a different way. When we hug she pushes her boobs up against me and I can feel ...
A. 25 August 2010: I've got a friend who was in your shoes a few days ago. She went for it and hasn't regretted it at all. Her and her friend are exploring something very special together.
I believe we're sexual beings. Not fully straight or gay. Have fun and ... (read in full...)
Is this type of guy a creep?
Q. i need desperate help i fell in love with a american man who goes for elections i tought by him having this backround that he would be a good guy yet everyone is saying those sort of men are creeps is this true ??? ps im 19 he is 49 ...
A. 24 August 2010: Yes, politicians are generally some of the biggest hypocrites you can find. They spout one thing to the public and lead a private life that goes against everything they are saying.
He is very likely a sleazy creep with a wife and family at home ... (read in full...)
Should I help pay for my new stepdaughter's college?
Q. I am a male in the USA in my 40's. I plan on getting married again in a few months. I have 2 young sons age 9 and 6. I pay support for them and see them 3 times a week. One child likes my GF the other one does not. She also does not get along with ...
A. 24 August 2010: With this new info I say keep it separate. She makes more money but spent part of your 401k!?!?! To me this says GOLDDIGGER! That's not a good sign. If her daughter is living a less than frugal life, she doesn't need your help. Only help if ... (read in full...)
Should I help pay for my new stepdaughter's college?
Q. I am a male in the USA in my 40's. I plan on getting married again in a few months. I have 2 young sons age 9 and 6. I pay support for them and see them 3 times a week. One child likes my GF the other one does not. She also does not get along with ...
A. 24 August 2010: First and foremost don't combine accounts. I'm a banker and have seen the down side of this too many times to count.
Honestly, your friends are right. Your children should be your responsibility. Your stepdaughter to be does have a father. ... (read in full...)
Is this a text breakup?
Q. Breakup line or not " I think I better take a break for awhile"...
A. 24 August 2010: eyes makes a great point though, what was the context? It could mean way too many things. ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 24 August 2010: Why is this "ok" to lie about?
It really isn't. You are right that a relationship built around lies doesn't have a real foundation. Now, what I'm about to type, is the justification.
It's not that it's ok to lie about it, it's that men ha... (read in full...)
I Want to date my bestfriend, we are both girls.
Q. So over the past week I have been hanging out a lot with my best friend. But not like friends. We have been having sex with each other. She and I have known each other for about 4 yrs and never did any of this til recently. I like it and don't ...
A. 24 August 2010: Well, you don't really have anything to fear in public. Most people will not notice a difference since you probably went out together before you started having a sexual relationship.
Does it constitute dating?
That's tough to answer. Real... (read in full...)
How do you catch STD's from oral sex?
Q. as concerns oral sex, of which cases below does the infection occur; a) when act done by a infected person b) when uninfected person does it c) both. Am worried. An infected person did it to me yet am negative. it only took 5 minutes...
A. 24 August 2010: The answer is option C.
Now, being on the receiving end from someone with an STD is a little less risky, just as oral sex is a little less risky than vaginal or anal sex, but you always run the risk of getting an STD when you're with an infected... (read in full...)
He abuses me and checks out other women, yet despite this I still cant leave him. How can I focus on the negatives in the relationship and finally leave him?
Q. I have been dating a man for almost a year. This man takes care of my bills and he says he wants to marry me. He has been physically abusive with me, to an extent where I should know he is not the one for me. I have been abused by my ...
A. 24 August 2010: I think the best thing you can do is seek help. There are quite a few different organizations out there that help women in your situation. One nice thing about them is that you can sometimes meet these other women who are in the same boat and ... (read in full...)
I love him, but is it worth it?
Q. I have been dating this guy for 3 months now, and during this period he's already left me once saying he wasn't happy. But then he asked for another chance to work things out and so we got back together again. And recently he has started behaving ...
A. 24 August 2010: x2 on what CaringGuy said. This many problems, this early in a relationship, mean that it isn't meant to be. He doesn't sound like he's worth the effort in my book.... (read in full...)
Do men like when a woman takes charge?
Q. hi im looking for some advice, im seeing this great guy,hes 3yrs older,we avnt been able 2 see each much wit work n stuff,do men like if you take charge n just say im calling over,or does he like to be in control,i dont want 2 play it cool because ...
A. 24 August 2010: To repeat what the others have said, it depends on the guy. I wouldn't suggest showing up unannounced though until you know it will be appreciated. ... (read in full...)
Have I spoiled our friendship?
Q. me and my best friend have been really good friends for around three years now. We've helped each other through everything from bad breakups to illnesses and more recently through my grandmother's death. However a few weeks ago, we slept togethe...
A. 24 August 2010: Yeah, it's time for you to reach out and have a talk. Sex often changes things, but I believe that relationships founded on friendship have some of the best potential for lasting. I want my mate to be my best friend. I agree with CaringGuy that ... (read in full...)
I need some tips on loosing weight!
Q. I'm very uncomfortable with my body, my bf however loves it. He says he loves the curves. But, I'd like to find a good medium...lose some weight and get fitter w/o losing some curves :) So I thought ok, let me lose 20 pounds. I've done research but ...
A. 24 August 2010: Most likely you don't have the healthiest eating habits. Changing how you eat and portion size can make a big difference.
Do you eat breakfast? When? When do you eat dinner? When do you go to bed?
Honestly, you can lose weight and still... (read in full...)
Can someone with a low sex drive change and want sex more over time?
Q. Hi people! I am curious to hear from people who are/have been in long term relationships with someone who has a vastly different sex drive to you. How have you made it work? I love my guy, but he is much less interested in sex than I am. I understa...
A. 24 August 2010: I feel your pain as I was in a similar situation. I have a very high sex drive, my ex did not. I remember having to wait over a month a few times, and then when we did have sex she just wanted it over asap. It hurt, bad. It felt as if a major ... (read in full...)
I'm so in love with a teacher it hurts...
Q. Hi, When I was in year 8 at school a new English teacher joined (Mr T) That year my English left so we had a new one which was (Mr T) that's when I realised I was in love. Something clicked one day I didn't care it's just a teacher the next day...
A. 24 August 2010: I pitty the foo who falls for Mr. T. Mr. T doesn't like no jibba jabba about underage girls who wanna get him in trouble. Mr. T says don't be a foo, stay in schoo, and if you want Mr. T to still be around schoo, then you betta not try and cross ... (read in full...)
Do I really have something special here?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for several years now. Things have always been fantastic with us. We both consider we have a special bond. We are the best of friends as well as being in love. This has been the hardest year of our lives. Last yea...
A. 24 August 2010: "He's the very intellectual, serious one.. and I'm the happy-go-lucky spontaneous one.. sort of like the dynamic between Richard Gere and Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman."
Wait, you're saying you're a high class hooker!?! (just kidding)
Honestl... (read in full...)
My daughter does PORN!!
Q. i have found out in the last year that my daughter is a pornstar and before that worked as a escort, i am finding this hard to deal with as she does not care whom it affects in her life, i have just lost my relationship over what she does, my ...
A. 24 August 2010: I don't know where that poster got off telling you that this is your fault, but it isn't. Your daughter is an adult and made her own adult decision.
I think where he is coming from is this. Often in porn the actresses report being the victim o... (read in full...)
I want to do PORN!!
Q. I want to do porn, but i come from a religious family and i dont want to disgrace them but its something that ive really tooken an interest to, i have the confidence and body to do it, and i have this really bad sex addiction which seems quite ...
A. 24 August 2010: Mia, they aren't forced, but "strongly encouraged" often with the promise of more money. Many girls do report feeling like they didn't have a choice, but because they got paid, they don't feel it was rape. It is one of those borderline things in ... (read in full...)
I didnt fight back when he had sex with me because my daughter was watching, and I had sent nude pics to him before. Was this still rape?
Q. I was raped by my boyfriend's best friend in front of my three year old daughter. And another friend in the car. Ive been to the police. Im having a hard time dealing with it he claims i wanted. And it wasnt forced, i went to the store to buy them a ...
A. 24 August 2010: Regardless of the outcome, it doesn't change the truth of what happened. Hopefully you'll be able to get into some counceling to help you cope with this. I'm hoping for the best possible outcome to this bad situation.... (read in full...)
I want to go down on him, but I can't for some reason
Q. i want to go down on my boyfriend for the first time but everytime i try i get nervous and chicken out. i want to do it for him because hes gone down on me beofre. is there any method or something i can use to make it easier for me. besides drinking ...
A. 24 August 2010: I saw some really good advice about this once. It was, spend some time getting to know the penis. Spend some time just playing with it, getting familiar with it, touching it. Have him take a shower first so that it is nice and clean. I doubt ... (read in full...)
Insecure girlfriend, need help fast!
Q. I've been dating with this girl for 6-months now. I can feel our affection is growing day by day. However, she has some insecurity issues. She is 28, and I'm 24, she was divorced a year ago (kind of lost faith in men). Yesterday we went to t...
A. 23 August 2010: I'd suggest trying to stand up for yourself. Tell her not to convict you on something she thinks you might do. If you live your life in fear of the unknown, you'll never experience anything. Everything in life has risks, but if you haven't shown ... (read in full...)
I don't have a job! what should I tell people at my brothers wedding?
Q. I'm not sure what to do. I have been invited for a night out in a group for my friend's birthday, and i am also going to my brother's wedding soon, but i feel embarrassed because i dont have a job and i know that people usually ask what you do for a ...
A. 23 August 2010: I wouldn't lie. The easiest answer is what you used to do for a living. However, if you'll be out with people who know you and your situation, they may congratulate you for finding something if they overhear your lie, thereby destroying the ... (read in full...)
I want to do PORN!!
Q. I want to do porn, but i come from a religious family and i dont want to disgrace them but its something that ive really tooken an interest to, i have the confidence and body to do it, and i have this really bad sex addiction which seems quite ...
A. 23 August 2010: Sex addiction isn't healthy, male or female. Person12345 is right. There is a lot of stuff that goes on in porn that is very ugly. What you see in a video is not the whole shoot. Shoots can last for hours. Porn isn't about the sex, it's about ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: Be careful when you say such things, especially if the pig is around. He tends to get very funny ideas when you say "woman, naked, ogle"
Ha, Q isn't the only one who gets crazy thoughts in his head when he hears (or reads) those words. ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: If I had a gf who would take sexy pics of herself or star in a video with me, you better believe I'd watch that above anything else in my collection. The problem is that, like with just about anything, the same thing can get boring if repeated ... (read in full...)
My daughter does PORN!!
Q. i have found out in the last year that my daughter is a pornstar and before that worked as a escort, i am finding this hard to deal with as she does not care whom it affects in her life, i have just lost my relationship over what she does, my ...
A. 23 August 2010: I don't know why he'd want to see it knowing your daughter is in it. That'd disturbing. Why would he want to see your daughter doing that stuff?
I think you have every right to get rid of it. It is in your house. She doesn't live with you. Yo... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: "sorry to drag it back, but im still at a loss as to what to say to women who post on here who cannot accept their partners porn use, but love him and do not wish to leave the rship. If he wont stop (even if he only does it sometimes) what should ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: I should add, thank you for identifying yourself!... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: Sorry person 12345... I was writing my response at the same time.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: Anon, she says you're hiding because you haven't signed up and given us a user name to call you.
As for the prevalence in today's society... I blame "girls gone wild." My mom had an argument with one of my brother's girlfriends once because ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 21 August 2010: I'm going to step out of the porn discussion for a second and address the Neuroscience issue (as this was one of my primary collegiate areas of study).
What you see activating in the brain of an addict during a scan is their dopamine centers.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 21 August 2010: My point is that "normal, mainstream porn" can be all the things I listed. It's all out there for anyone with internet access. Even in your "expert" opinion you have to see you're over generalizing. Also, just because something is out there, it ... (read in full...)
I didnt fight back when he had sex with me because my daughter was watching, and I had sent nude pics to him before. Was this still rape?
Q. I was raped by my boyfriend's best friend in front of my three year old daughter. And another friend in the car. Ive been to the police. Im having a hard time dealing with it he claims i wanted. And it wasnt forced, i went to the store to buy them a ...
A. 20 August 2010: What they did was rape. You had reason not to fight back, they were holding your daughter almost as a hostage. Hopefully the police can put him behind bars. Please stay strong. This was in no way your fault. Sending some pictures doesn't mean ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 August 2010: I'm with Tisha. There is every kind of porn out there under the sun.
You've got the ones where they are actors with lines and are playing out a scenario. Heck, I just saw a XXX parody of "That 70's Show." It was hardly degrading. It was funn... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 August 2010: Wow, this thread really exploded didn't it.
First. To LucyLoos. I was the responder who discussed my sex drive. I find it admirable that you've been able to enhance yours to meet your husband's needs. That's excellent. My first choice i... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 19 August 2010: "I love the man i met, i dont have any need or want to change him. I may not love the man he became if he tried."
Of your whole post (which I agree could really have used paragraphs) this is the sentence that summed up my stance on this topic. ... (read in full...)
| *irtball's friends
These are mutual friends, so *irtball has
added them and they have added *irtball!
|
