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... Send *irtball a private message | | | *irtball's profile:Hello DC. Some of you may be wondering where I were I went. My life has taken a turn that has taken me away from here for the time being. I'm not really answering many questions at this time. If you PM me, I will respond, but it may be delayed a week or two. I had many problems dumped on me of my own, so I don't have much energy for the problems of others. I'll be back, but it just may be a while.
Wow, been away longer than anticipated. To sum it up, life sort of sucks for me at the moment. Not looking for pity, just letting you know why I haven't been around. I still hope things will get better soon, but who knows.
ALERT: If you're sending me a PM in regard to advice I've given you, please reference the thread or specifics so I can be on the same page. Lately I've been receiving lots of PM's with an answer to some question I asked, but since the question was from an Anon poster, I have no idea which answer it was in regard to. I give a lot of advice here, so I'm very sorry if I don't immediately recognize you. The question title or a link would be most appreciated. Thank you!
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Hi, I'm the bad bad charming sweetheart dirtball. Although recently I seem to have picked up the moniker "Dirty Balls" despite making sure to clean them thoroughly each day. Anyway, I love this site. I have a BA in Psychology which is part of the reason I think I like this site so much. I posted anon for quite some time before creating my profile. I took to the brutally honest approach which has gotten me in trouble a few times, but for the most part has gone quite well. I enjoy helping people and at times challenging them when I think it is appropriate.
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I've been getting lots of great feedback on my advice and I appreciate it, even if you didn't like it. With that said, I'd like to add a segment here I'll call (drum roll please)
DIRTBALL'S RULES ABOUT PEOPLE AND DATING (in no particular order)
Men don't befriend women who they are not interested in sexually. What do I mean by this? I mean that men will not actively seek out friends of the opposite sex unless they would like to make the friendship progress further at some point. Plain and simple, that's how we operate. Are there circumstances where they are actually just friends? Yes, those would be times when you are forced together in some way. Examples could be; fellow employees at work, a regular customer at work, shared friend circle. The key to watch for is if he looks to spend time with her alone. That's usually the sign that he has a romantic interest in the relationship.
Long Distance Relationships don't work. Go ahead and tell me your success stories, I don't care. Most of the time it is just way too hard for the parties involved. Too much doubt creeps into the relationship. Plus, can you really call it a relationship if you only get to be together rarely? I think not.
Once broken up, you should stay that way. Make up/break up relationships don't work. Why do you always feel the need to break up? It's because things aren't working. Then you miss each other and get back together, only to have the very thing that drove you apart last time do it again. It is a cycle that doesn't get better. All you're doing is preventing yourself from finding someone who will actually make you happy.
People only change if they really (and I mean REALLY) want to for themselves. Changes for the benefit of others are temporary. True change is very hard to make. It requires diligence, effort, and support.
Communication is the most important part of your relationship. So many times we have people here asking about how they should handle a situation when the solution is simply to talk to your partner about it. We forget how important this is. It affects everything. If you are feeling upset about something, it is best that you discuss it with your partner instead of burying it and letting it brew. Later it will explode when it could have just been a calm discussion if addressed right away. Communicate with your partner. If you never talk, why are you even together?
People can love each other and not be right for a relationship. This kind of goes back to the make up/break up rule from earlier but it extends to present partners or exes as well. When someone is part of your life, especially for long periods of time, it is natural that part of the love you carry for them will always be there. Just because you love someone though, that doesn't mean you should be together. That's the case with most of my ex GF's as I'm sure it is with many other people. Sometimes you need to consider if love is making you do foolish things.
You should set ground rules in your relationships. Let your partner know about deal breakers. Deal breakers being defined as things they would do that would cause you to end the relationship. It is good to get these out of the way when you are getting serious. That way, you can refer back to them if your partner does something against said ground rules. An example that I tell all my girlfriends (including friends who I'm not romantically involved with) is that I will never answer the question "Am I fat" or any variation of it (does this make me look fat, does my butt look big, etc). I explain why too. It's a trap question. Answer yes, and that's obvious. Answer no, and "you're just saying that." So I won't entertain that question. I know, silly, but this works for the bigger picture too. Figure out what's important enough to you that you'd be willing to end a relationship. Tell your partner what these things are. If they want to be with you, they should know.
When one person in a relationship has a problem, it's a problem for the relationship. You're not alone in your relationship, and dismissing your partner's problem doesn't solve anything. It makes them feel devalued and unimportant. Why don't you care enough to address something they think is a problem? It's because you know it's a problem but want to hide. Don't hide from it. If you do, it won't go away.
When a relationship ends, you need to give yourself proper time to grieve it. Like dealing with death, you go through the same stages. Denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and finally acceptance. This is part of the problem with rebound relationships. Take the time you need. Don't be afraid to wait.
Let the past be the past. It's over, it's done, and there is nothing that can be done to change it. There is no use dwelling on it because there is nothing that can be done about it. Don't worry about things that cannot be changed. You can't drive a car by only looking in the rear view mirror.
I'm sure there will be more to come, but these are the few I've seen myself repeat a lot in my rather short time here.
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This is, hands down, the best conversation I've seen about porn yet on this site: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-there-no-middle-ground-when-it.html
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Dirtball Rants:
1) What the hell happened to punctuation and grammar? I blame text messaging for the trash I see people write. It's not the content but the way it's expressed that makes me wonder what's happening to society. I realize that we're a multinational forum here, and I give a complete pass to someone who is doing their best despite the fact that English isn't their first language. But the crap I see from Americans, the British, Canadians, and Australians often makes me sick. If any of you read this, your posts would be much easier to read if you used paragraphs, sentences with punctuation, and whole words instead of abreviations like U, cuz, or wut! Quit being so fucking lazy if you want help.
2) There is a difference between the words your and you're. "Your" denotes ownership. "You're" is the contraction of "you are." Saying something like "your lame" is wrong wrong wrong! The same goes for there, their, and they're. "There" is used for things like places (look over there). "Their" denotes ownership (they wanted their cookies back). "They're" is the contraction of "they are." An example, "they're going to the service station over there to pick up their car which was just repaired." I bet that just blew your mind.
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Abreviations.
I use a lot of abreviations when I type advice so I'm going to start a list of the most common ones I see for use as a reference tool.
OP - Original Poster, the person asking for advice.
BF - Boyfriend
GF - Girlfriend
SO - Significant Other, your BF, GF, Fiance, or spouse in other words.
BTW - By the way
FWIW - For what it's worth
TBH - To be honest
IDC - I Don't Care
IDK - I Don't Know
IMHO - In My Humble Opinion
IMO - In My Opinion
IOW - In Other Words
THO - Titty Hard On (erect nipples) |
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Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 April 2011: Having not checked back here in quite a while, I've got some thoughts to share about your last post person12345.
To me, it's not just the women in porn that are interchangable, but the men too. Often they are nothing more than a hard cock. I... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 November 2010: Yes, I'd still do it but not very often. There are other reasons behind the behavior that don't all revolve around sexual satisfaction. It is a stress relief. I also use it to help improve sexual stamina so that I can perform better and last ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 November 2010: Holy crap! I think we just had breakthrough time didn't we! I'm very glad that there are women like you out there. I hope to meet one of my own someday. I'm also glad it seems like you've found the source of your feelings about his porn ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 October 2010: Sad, I know. Actually, I can think of one time it happened and one time it almost did. Once it happened on accident, but fortunately for me we were in a 69 and she was having one at the same time so she didn't care. Another told me she swallowed ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 October 2010: Good point Gabrielle. Let me rephrase, your attitude about sex is special. As is yours Smiliek. I hope to meet a woman with similar feelings toward sex someday.
Do guys prefer a handjob or bj when getting a "release?"
This guy prefers a bj... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 27 October 2010: You're a special girl Gabrielle, and I envy your partner. The only girl I've met who had a similar attitude to you as far as sex turned out to be a manipulative psycho. That relationship never would have lasted so long if the sex wasn't so ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 27 October 2010: Good questions, and no you're not all alone, I keep checking in and referring people in situations similar to yours back to this thread.
Can a guy have enough sex that he doesn't need to masturbate?
Yes and no. I've found that (at least in my ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 13 October 2010: Welcome back Mia. Glad you got everything sorted out!... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 8 October 2010: I agree. It is lazy. It also becomes harder to fantasize if you're constantly bombarding yourself with these images. The problem in my life is that I haven't found many women with comparable sex drives. Most of the women I've been with have ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 7 October 2010: I agree to a point. I think part of the appeal of porn with regard to masturbation is that it is easy and highly accessable. Can I masturbate without it? Sure. The thing is that it takes longer. At least for me. If I just want to make it fast, ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 7 October 2010: Ha! Just because they happen doesn't mean they need to be accepted. I see people who don't pay their taxes every day. Death is hard to cheat though.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 6 October 2010: Nobody ever has to accept anything they don't want to. I do believe that a lot of people believe that someone may have to accept something but the truth is that it is your right as an individual to make your own choices as to what you'll accept or ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 5 October 2010: I'm still reading it. :-)
I think that's because of the fact that it's viewed as "taboo." These are conversations that need to take place in a relationship. It makes the relationship stronger if both parties lay out their expectations for each... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 30 September 2010: I think you're right person12345, there is a bit of the ostrich syndrome going on here. I have some thoughts on this question though: "If she's already insecure and that makes it worse, why wouldn't he want to make her feel better?"
This is a sli... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 29 September 2010: OK Friends, we're opened back up. I just wanted to post a reminder to everyone to keep it civil. I haven't seen anything like that in a while, but it's still worthy of a reminder.
So, without further delay, please let the conversation continue... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 September 2010: Katy, I didn't realize you were the anon poster. However, I never said you don't belong here, just the negativity you were expressing.
I was pushing for contributions, not attacks. Please do contribute. ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 September 2010: Anon poster, where your argument about men fails is your statement about their actions. Actions and thoughts are two very different things. Just because we may fantasize about something, that doesn't mean we will, or even we want to in reality, ... (read in full...)
She wants to lose her virginity to me but I'm not sure if I want to spend the rest of my life with her because of her past!
Q. hello im with this girl i know through internet..we been together for 2 years but we still havent met since we live far away. anyway i know everything about her and her past is actually haunting me..she didnt do much but just the idea that some oth...
A. 30 August 2010: I don't like to name call, but you're acting like an immature ass hole. You've had lots of sex, and are only interested in virgins, and can't be a man about this?!?
She deserves better than you.... (read in full...)
I didnt fight back when he had sex with me because my daughter was watching, and I had sent nude pics to him before. Was this still rape?
Q. I was raped by my boyfriend's best friend in front of my three year old daughter. And another friend in the car. Ive been to the police. Im having a hard time dealing with it he claims i wanted. And it wasnt forced, i went to the store to buy them a ...
A. 26 August 2010: Shoot, that is bad news. Thank you for the follow up. I hope you will seek help to cope with what you've been through. ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 26 August 2010: "Why is it you don't talk about 'masturbation addicts'"
LOL Mia, a masturbation addict will eventually be unable to even view porn since they'll go blind and have super hairy palms.
Don't you love those old wive's tales?
I also have pro... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 26 August 2010: "As for Dirtball's theory about masturbation is dirty, I think porn would actually lessen especially in how degrading it is if masturbation wasn't thought of as hidden and dirty."
I agree. When we're hiding something already, it becomes easier t... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 25 August 2010: "But lying as a teen to your mum is surely different to lying to your partner?"
It is and it isn't. Your point is valid and the way things should work ideally. The thing is that learned behavior is difficult to change. An example. I live alo... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 24 August 2010: Why is this "ok" to lie about?
It really isn't. You are right that a relationship built around lies doesn't have a real foundation. Now, what I'm about to type, is the justification.
It's not that it's ok to lie about it, it's that men ha... (read in full...)
My daughter does PORN!!
Q. i have found out in the last year that my daughter is a pornstar and before that worked as a escort, i am finding this hard to deal with as she does not care whom it affects in her life, i have just lost my relationship over what she does, my ...
A. 24 August 2010: I don't know where that poster got off telling you that this is your fault, but it isn't. Your daughter is an adult and made her own adult decision.
I think where he is coming from is this. Often in porn the actresses report being the victim o... (read in full...)
I want to do PORN!!
Q. I want to do porn, but i come from a religious family and i dont want to disgrace them but its something that ive really tooken an interest to, i have the confidence and body to do it, and i have this really bad sex addiction which seems quite ...
A. 24 August 2010: Mia, they aren't forced, but "strongly encouraged" often with the promise of more money. Many girls do report feeling like they didn't have a choice, but because they got paid, they don't feel it was rape. It is one of those borderline things in ... (read in full...)
I didnt fight back when he had sex with me because my daughter was watching, and I had sent nude pics to him before. Was this still rape?
Q. I was raped by my boyfriend's best friend in front of my three year old daughter. And another friend in the car. Ive been to the police. Im having a hard time dealing with it he claims i wanted. And it wasnt forced, i went to the store to buy them a ...
A. 24 August 2010: Regardless of the outcome, it doesn't change the truth of what happened. Hopefully you'll be able to get into some counceling to help you cope with this. I'm hoping for the best possible outcome to this bad situation.... (read in full...)
I don't have a job! what should I tell people at my brothers wedding?
Q. I'm not sure what to do. I have been invited for a night out in a group for my friend's birthday, and i am also going to my brother's wedding soon, but i feel embarrassed because i dont have a job and i know that people usually ask what you do for a ...
A. 23 August 2010: I wouldn't lie. The easiest answer is what you used to do for a living. However, if you'll be out with people who know you and your situation, they may congratulate you for finding something if they overhear your lie, thereby destroying the ... (read in full...)
What is it with my bf texting but not calling?
Q. Do some guys just not like calling? My boyfriend seems to only like texting and we only talk on the phone every few days. If I call him then he does answer or call me back but i just find it a bit strange. Has anyone else been in a similar situat...
A. 23 August 2010: I hate talking on the phone. My first instinct when I get on the phone is to get off of it as soon as possible. That's just how I am. He may be the same way. As long as he's returning your calls, I wouldn't be too concerned.
How is his comm... (read in full...)
How can you tell if someone truly loves you?
Q. Hey, my question is how can you tell if some one truly loves you? In the past with my ex's i used to love them and i thought they loved me to but at the end i found out they were just useing me and trying to get in my pants. Now iv been dateing my ...
A. 23 August 2010: There is no test you can give someone to know if they love you. It doesn't work that way. There are things that you can look for that will give you a clue to his true intentions.
Does he listen to you and ask questions about what you're saying? ... (read in full...)
I want to do PORN!!
Q. I want to do porn, but i come from a religious family and i dont want to disgrace them but its something that ive really tooken an interest to, i have the confidence and body to do it, and i have this really bad sex addiction which seems quite ...
A. 23 August 2010: Sex addiction isn't healthy, male or female. Person12345 is right. There is a lot of stuff that goes on in porn that is very ugly. What you see in a video is not the whole shoot. Shoots can last for hours. Porn isn't about the sex, it's about ... (read in full...)
14, he's 17, what can we do that isn't against the law?
Q. just a question i am 14 and i like this 17 year old and he like me and if we did get together what am i acctually allowed to do with him without it being against the law ??? ( i know not sex ) thanx :)...
A. 23 August 2010: Hey, fellow Americans, in Great Britain (where the OP's flag says she's from) the legal age of conscent is 16. That makes him legal and her illegal.
RAINORFIRE, I don't know where you heard about this supposed 3 year apart rule, but I guarante... (read in full...)
Was he only acting this way to get me into bed?
Q. I could really do with a few questions answering, as I'm driving myself crazy and getting really upset. I'm 18 and upto a month ago, I'd not kissed a guy, had a proper boyfriend and obviously hadn't had sex. This used to frustrate me every single ...
A. 23 August 2010: It doesn't seem to be all about sex to me. Like I said earlier, the best way to know is to talk to him. Let him know that you felt that you two rushed into things a bit, but you hope that you can be a real couple. I'm very glad to hear that he ... (read in full...)
Did I overreact about my boyfriend's drinking?
Q. I'm very staunchly against drinking and doing drugs. To make a long story short, I am the only sober person in my family. I'm proud of that. Alcoholism runs in my family, and I hate how people change when they get drunk. I hate how people make ...
A. 23 August 2010: I see where you quoted me about compromise, but I went back and re-read what I wrote and I don't see anywhere I said you were a control freak. In fact I said: "In a relationship, you have every right to set ground rules about the things that are ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to have sex with your cousin?
Q. Ok I am 15 and my cousin is 16 we aren't really close she started comming down for the summer 3 years ago and I hadn't seen her since we were like 5. A couple times we got in to a couple of sexual positions where we could have done it. ...
A. 23 August 2010: I wouldn't explore this. These aren't the signs that your hormone ridden mind makes them out to be. She loves you like family, because you are family.
At your age, sex is illegal. If you still feel this way when you're an adult, then talk to ... (read in full...)
14, he's 17, what can we do that isn't against the law?
Q. just a question i am 14 and i like this 17 year old and he like me and if we did get together what am i acctually allowed to do with him without it being against the law ??? ( i know not sex ) thanx :)...
A. 23 August 2010: Go on dates with a chaperone. Never be alone together.
Seriously, you can date, just be careful. Do not have sex until you are of legal age. Sex includes sexual contact. Kissing is probably the extent I would think safe in terms of the law.... (read in full...)
He didn't want to be my boyfriend he just wanted me for sex
Q. i have been talking to this guy for about 3-4 mon.. i thought that he wanted to be in a relationship with me... he brought up the whole i really want a girlfriend and i really like you etc.. so i said ok we can give it a try... when we first started ...
A. 23 August 2010: Sadly there's not much you can do honey. He told you he's not interested in a relationship. That's how it is. What he did was low, and a dick move in my book.
I hope that you don't end up hating all men because of this asshole. We're no... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: Be careful when you say such things, especially if the pig is around. He tends to get very funny ideas when you say "woman, naked, ogle"
Ha, Q isn't the only one who gets crazy thoughts in his head when he hears (or reads) those words. ... (read in full...)
Is porn just mental cheating?
Q. I understand that porn isn't technically cheating. But I feel like my boyfriend may have a slight obsession with it. He looks at it every day of the week, maybe only 5 or 6 days some weeks, but for the most part, he does it every day. We are in a ...
A. 23 August 2010: Sigh, another guy leading an unhealthy relationship with porn. It's a shame.
Is he hypocritical looking at porn but getting jealous if he sees you checking out a guy?
Yes. He is. Both are visual activities and both can be ok. It all boil... (read in full...)
I feel like I have a teenage son not a husband! What should I do?
Q. I am at a loss of what to do Ive been with my husband for almost 11 years and married for 6. He has been smoking cannabis about 3 joints a day everyday for the last about 4 months.I have found porn on the computer related to anal sex and latex. ...
A. 23 August 2010: Oh yeah, that was his way of drowning the sorrow he was feeling. I'm going to get techinical for a second.
Marijuana is an emotional depressant. This means it dulls your emotions (not make you depressed). Good news, bad news, it doesn't ... (read in full...)
Cowgirls first rodeo....any tips?
Q. hi new b/f really likes me to go on top but i always feel awkward in this position as i don't know what movements will turn him on,does it have to be hard and fast,how can i feel more comfortable on top,really want to get it right...any tips?...
A. 23 August 2010: Do whatever feels best for you. Really, guys are pretty easy to please. For the most part (to quote the movie "clerks") "Insert some place close, preferably moist, thrust, repeat."
Personally, I like when she is on her knees while on top of m... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: If I had a gf who would take sexy pics of herself or star in a video with me, you better believe I'd watch that above anything else in my collection. The problem is that, like with just about anything, the same thing can get boring if repeated ... (read in full...)
Does he like me or was he just comforting and looking after me?
Q. Hello i need some advice. After a night out last week i wasnt feeling to well, self inflicted i admit. I was walking down with two friends, one of which i usually walk part way home anyway. I wasnt feeling to good at all and walking home i was just ...
A. 23 August 2010: He was looking after you. His motivations could have been purely friendly or more so. It sounds a little more so, but keep in mind, both of you were drunk, and often with being drunk comes being horny. He might have been helping you in hopes of ... (read in full...)
I feel like I have a teenage son not a husband! What should I do?
Q. I am at a loss of what to do Ive been with my husband for almost 11 years and married for 6. He has been smoking cannabis about 3 joints a day everyday for the last about 4 months.I have found porn on the computer related to anal sex and latex. ...
A. 23 August 2010: I'm pretty much in agreement with Mia on this. I think these behaviors are his way of coping with everything that is going on.
What I'd recommend is trying to find some ways to cope together. Maybe seek some therapy. I'm sure the hospital... (read in full...)
He used the line "it's not you it's me" what do I do?
Q. I broke up with my bf about two months ago I meet someone else took the risk we dated and everything was so weird he would never call me all we did was txt in the begging he would always wanna hang out with me come to my house and stuff but yet no ...
A. 23 August 2010: Usually when you get that line, it really is you, but in this case, he sounds like a bit of a nut bag. If I read that right, you didn't have sex. That's very good. It honestly sounds like he didn't want a relationship, he wanted a FWB. Since you ... (read in full...)
Did I overreact about my boyfriend's drinking?
Q. I'm very staunchly against drinking and doing drugs. To make a long story short, I am the only sober person in my family. I'm proud of that. Alcoholism runs in my family, and I hate how people change when they get drunk. I hate how people make ...
A. 23 August 2010: Did you overreact? Yes and no.
I'll start with why I think you didn't. In a relationship, you have every right to set ground rules about the things that are important to you. Being that you've seen alcohol have very negative effects on your fam... (read in full...)
She wants to lose her virginity to me but I'm not sure if I want to spend the rest of my life with her because of her past!
Q. hello im with this girl i know through internet..we been together for 2 years but we still havent met since we live far away. anyway i know everything about her and her past is actually haunting me..she didnt do much but just the idea that some oth...
A. 23 August 2010: Then you sir have a MAJOR double standard. I'm tempted to name call, but that wouldn't be very mature. m u s t r e s i s t...
(Deep Breath) Ok. Everyone has a past. How honest have you been about yours with her? She may not to want to ... (read in full...)
Teen boys, are they all shallow?
Q. Hey, Everyone always says that teenagers make a really big deal of romance and that they have a really immature view of love. I think this is true of some teenagers but not of everyone. Sometimes I do feel though that teenage boys are really s...
A. 23 August 2010: I've found that teenagers in general are very shallow, not just the boys. It goes beyond shallow though, they are often cruel too. From about age 11-17 the pressure to fit in can be very intense. I remember kids being ridiculed for the simplest ... (read in full...)
Was he only acting this way to get me into bed?
Q. I could really do with a few questions answering, as I'm driving myself crazy and getting really upset. I'm 18 and upto a month ago, I'd not kissed a guy, had a proper boyfriend and obviously hadn't had sex. This used to frustrate me every single ...
A. 23 August 2010: Ok, you took things rather backward here. You're supposed to get all those questions about his intentions with you answered before you have sex with him. That way you can be more sure about the relationship and you aren't left with all the ... (read in full...)
Am I being too uptight about this?
Q. I need some advice. My husbands parents go to these bike rallies where all the women walk around completely naked and you can see ppl getting blow jobs and having sex and stuff. Anything you can think of goes on at this place. Well they keep asking ...
A. 23 August 2010: Why are you so sure he'd be drooling over the girls there? You don't have very much trust in him. That's truely sad.... (read in full...)
My daughter does PORN!!
Q. i have found out in the last year that my daughter is a pornstar and before that worked as a escort, i am finding this hard to deal with as she does not care whom it affects in her life, i have just lost my relationship over what she does, my ...
A. 23 August 2010: I don't know why he'd want to see it knowing your daughter is in it. That'd disturbing. Why would he want to see your daughter doing that stuff?
I think you have every right to get rid of it. It is in your house. She doesn't live with you. Yo... (read in full...)
I don't want to be his back up plan!
Q. im in a relasonship which is really good and im happy in it we are even getting married soon but iv'e got this friend whom i have known before i met my partner and this friend as a girlfriend the problem is that iv'e loved this friend since the day ...
A. 23 August 2010: His public displays while you're around are for the benefit of his GF. It's to make her confident that he doesn't have feelings for you, which he likely does.
The questions posted by the others are very important though. You don't seem to veste... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: "sorry to drag it back, but im still at a loss as to what to say to women who post on here who cannot accept their partners porn use, but love him and do not wish to leave the rship. If he wont stop (even if he only does it sometimes) what should ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: I should add, thank you for identifying yourself!... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: Sorry person 12345... I was writing my response at the same time.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: Anon, she says you're hiding because you haven't signed up and given us a user name to call you.
As for the prevalence in today's society... I blame "girls gone wild." My mom had an argument with one of my brother's girlfriends once because ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 21 August 2010: I'm going to step out of the porn discussion for a second and address the Neuroscience issue (as this was one of my primary collegiate areas of study).
What you see activating in the brain of an addict during a scan is their dopamine centers.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 21 August 2010: My point is that "normal, mainstream porn" can be all the things I listed. It's all out there for anyone with internet access. Even in your "expert" opinion you have to see you're over generalizing. Also, just because something is out there, it ... (read in full...)
How can I get our sex life back on track? I'm not ready to give up sex!
Q. I have a problem and want to remanin anon. My wife and I have been married 9 yrs, and dated for 8 before that. We met in HS. We used to be open and discuss sex and try new things. Recently she has decided she will not perform oral, but wants me to ...
A. 21 August 2010: Based on your follow up it sounds almost like clinical depression to me. A marriage is a partnership, and it doesn't sound to me like that is going on. I'm glad to hear you've been to therapy. That's a great step. Now the major challenge is ... (read in full...)
I didnt fight back when he had sex with me because my daughter was watching, and I had sent nude pics to him before. Was this still rape?
Q. I was raped by my boyfriend's best friend in front of my three year old daughter. And another friend in the car. Ive been to the police. Im having a hard time dealing with it he claims i wanted. And it wasnt forced, i went to the store to buy them a ...
A. 20 August 2010: What they did was rape. You had reason not to fight back, they were holding your daughter almost as a hostage. Hopefully the police can put him behind bars. Please stay strong. This was in no way your fault. Sending some pictures doesn't mean ... (read in full...)
I kissed my BFF and liked it!!
Q. Had some friends over and we were in the pool. Me and my best friend were dared to kiss in front of everyone. Well we did. And later that night we kissed again. She spent the night that night but nothin else happened. But I kept having the urge ...
A. 20 August 2010: Woo hoo, a legal adult. You should video tape this stuff. People will pay good money to see it. LOL
Do what feels natural. If you two kissed again after the dare, I bet she felt something too. You can be pretty sure she's wondering similar ... (read in full...)
I had wild sex in public in the past. Should I tell her??
Q. She's not comfortable with public shows of affection. I told her no PDAs is totally fine with me. She was reassured and concluded: "I'm glad we both feel the same way about it!". I chose silence over sharing the fact that I've definitely had s...
A. 20 August 2010: Honestly, if you're ok with her guidelines, then I wouldn't bother. Most people think they can handle hearing about the past until they do. Since she isn't asking, no point in bringing it up. You aren't hiding anything unless you lie about it ... (read in full...)
My BF's teen is a problem!
Q. I live with my boyfriend and he has a teenager. The teenager is so spoiled. I talk to my boyfriend about it. He thinks I am complaining about a lot of little issues. I feel like he does not care about my concerns and is use to how the teenager is. ...
A. 20 August 2010: Bottom line. You're not this boy's parent. You never will be. It is not your place to dictate how he is raised. It really is as simple as that. Either let it go or move on.... (read in full...)
I've never told anyone that I was molested and I feel like its too late!!
Q. i was molested by my step father from te ages of 9 to 15. i have mixed feelings torward this situation. i was adopted and hes basically married to my adopted mother(mom). ive never tld anyone and i feel like its to late to. im now 17. the one thing ...
A. 20 August 2010: Years of trauma like this will cause such reactions. I don't know what the statue of limitations is on something like this in your country, but at a minimum I would strongly suggest seeing a therapist. Talking through this will likely help you ... (read in full...)
He asked me to have sex, should I tell his girlfriend?
Q. A friend of mine has been flirting with me a lot lately, and i don't just mean casual flirting, i mean things like talking about what we used to do in bed etc... we used to have a casual thing going on last year. He has a girlfriend, and i feel bad ...
A. 20 August 2010: Nobody ever regretted taking the high road.
Good choice.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 August 2010: I'm with Tisha. There is every kind of porn out there under the sun.
You've got the ones where they are actors with lines and are playing out a scenario. Heck, I just saw a XXX parody of "That 70's Show." It was hardly degrading. It was funn... (read in full...)
Am I being too uptight about this?
Q. I need some advice. My husbands parents go to these bike rallies where all the women walk around completely naked and you can see ppl getting blow jobs and having sex and stuff. Anything you can think of goes on at this place. Well they keep asking ...
A. 20 August 2010: Ahhh, Sturgis, good times.
Have you ever been there? Have you ever actually seen this stuff? I doubt it, because if you had, you'd realize that most of the naked women you're left wishing had cloths on. The people you see having sex are stra... (read in full...)
My mom found my vibrator!
Q. Okay,well just a few minutes ago I went into my parents room because I have an earache and we were looking for the special tylenol that only works for my ear and I had left the vibrator underneath my pillow the night before and had fallen ...
A. 20 August 2010: I loved the: "Oh, I see you met Malcom." idea. That made me crack up and I bet it would her too.
Like everyone else said, it's embarrassing, but it will pass. My mom found dirty magazines under my bed once. It happens.
Relax and don... (read in full...)
He asked me to have sex, should I tell his girlfriend?
Q. A friend of mine has been flirting with me a lot lately, and i don't just mean casual flirting, i mean things like talking about what we used to do in bed etc... we used to have a casual thing going on last year. He has a girlfriend, and i feel bad ...
A. 20 August 2010: Yikes. Normally I'd say to stay out of it. The reason is that it's your word against his, and he likely has more credibility in her eyes than you.
However, you have a text as evidence. If you and your friend both have these, then I think yo... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 August 2010: Wow, this thread really exploded didn't it.
First. To LucyLoos. I was the responder who discussed my sex drive. I find it admirable that you've been able to enhance yours to meet your husband's needs. That's excellent. My first choice i... (read in full...)
How can I get our sex life back on track? I'm not ready to give up sex!
Q. I have a problem and want to remanin anon. My wife and I have been married 9 yrs, and dated for 8 before that. We met in HS. We used to be open and discuss sex and try new things. Recently she has decided she will not perform oral, but wants me to ...
A. 20 August 2010: It sounds like there is something else going on here. Such a drastic change is usually a sign of a problem. For the immediate future, I think you need to forget about sex and look into the root of the problem. Most likely it is something ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 19 August 2010: "I love the man i met, i dont have any need or want to change him. I may not love the man he became if he tried."
Of your whole post (which I agree could really have used paragraphs) this is the sentence that summed up my stance on this topic. ... (read in full...)
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